My Struggle.....

[Jim2007]

I'm a complete mess right now.....

 

My whole life I've had BAD anxiety, it all started in elementary school. I was always a very anxious kid and was always afraid of public speaking. I thought this was normal because everyone else was nervous but this stuck with me my whole life. Because of this my social skills SUCK, I always think about what to say constantly during a conversation that i don't even pay attention to what the other person is saying sometimes. Most of my friends are really just acquaintances but I do still hang out with some of them regularly but I noticed if it's just me and someone else one on one not much gets said. My sense of humor is non existent and I feel like I'm a general bore to be around. Well this is where is gets worse. I just lost my girlfriend of 1.5 years because my anxiety caused me to be a hermit.

 

We would fight a lot and every time she wanted to talk id brush her off. I never went out with her because of my anxiety but she doesn't realize that.... she had deep feelings for me and i felt so amazing because she not only understood me, she liked me for who i was. We kept contact since we broke up a month or so ago and the ironic part is I originally broke up with her because I didn't want to make her cry anymore, poor girl I treated her like * * * * for the last halfof our relationship because of this stupid disorder i have. She kept telling me to get help but she doesnt understand how hard it is to accept what i have and go see someone... Well I did recently start seeing a shrink but it was too late.... we talked 2 days ago and she cried because she still cared for me but i told her we cant possibly be friends so she suggested i call her in a few months after my anxiety program is gone and told me to get well and take care....

 

So look at me now im depressed i cant eat or sleep AND my social skills still suck becasue of my anxiety so i cant even go out and meet new people. I dont know what to do, Im not suicidal but i wouldnt care if something happened to me at this point.

[ShaunWallace]

Hi

 

Well done in seeking help…… You have recognised that you needed to address the difficulties you have; you have also recognised that you want to treat the people you care for better….. I think you are a lucky guy as the person you care for has asked you to get that help and then see what happens…..I imagine just now it feels imperative to you that she waits….but that is your anxiety kicking in again….. it may sound like a cliché but you really need to start loving yourself and understanding yourself before you can commit properly to someone else….It sounds like you have taken the first steps to do this….well done….