soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Over the weekend when I went over my boyfriend's place, I found an earring on his nightstand. I asked him how did it get there and he kept saying he didn't know. I grabbed my purse and left very upset and crying (I'm almost 8 months pregnant BTW). He then sends me a text saying that he let one of his male friend's borrow his apartment for a night with some woman and that the earring belonged to her. Deep in my heart, I feel like the earring belonged to someone that my man is seeing. He keeps calling and texting non stop saying how he wants us to be together (I dumped him that same day) and that I need to believe him and trust that he's not cheating on me. I would probably work things out with him if he came clean and admitted he was wrong and told me who this woman is, but my brother said that he's gonna take it to his grave and keep putting it off on his so called friend. I don't know wha to do because he keeps lying. Please help! Thanks. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Im sorry to hear this. First just relax and collect all of your thoughts. Has he ever lied to you before? You are going to need alot more details about his friend and this other girl. Why did he not know at first, and then excuse the earring later? For the sake of remaining objective get more details and don't use the earring to convict him. Get more details and a good explanation why he let someone borrow the place? Good luck and I hope everything get sorted out. Link to comment
lapseinjudgement Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Was there anything else that would help push you towards thinking he was cheating? Has his behavior changed at all, ie. more attentive/less attentive lately (i mean extremes) any other things you found....? Anything else? Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I don't know....... I'm not really believing that your bf would let his friend sleep with some girl on his bed. Sounds nasty to me. Do you think he is capable of letting his friend do that? I would have reacted the same way you did. And now you really have no way of finding out the truth, either you believe him or you don't. He will probably keep blaming it on his friend even if it wasn't his friend. Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Im sorry to hear this. First just relax and collect all of your thoughts. Has he ever lied to you before? You are going to need alot more details about his friend and this other girl. Why did he not know at first, and then excuse the earring later? For the sake of remaining objective get more details and don't use the earring to convict him. Get more details and a good explanation why he let someone borrow the place? Good luck and I hope everything get sorted out. He said this friend is someone he's known since high school (my bf is in his early thirties) and I have no info about the girl. Hmm, well last week I found an empty Suave deodorant in his bathroom trashcan and when I asked him about that, he said he was going through old stuff and threw it away. I asked where did it come from because that is a woman's deodorant and he said he bought it a few months ago in a gas station while he was out of town. I was still kind of leery but left it alone. So, that was earlier last week, THEN I found the earring over the weekend. I've got a feeling that somethin isn't right... Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 How do you know he is lying? That's the thing - I don't know! I just fund it very suspicious that he would keep lying saying he didn't know where it came from at first, and then after I left he sent the text saying that it belonged to a girl that his so called friend had over at his place. How many thirty something old men still do that crap!! Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Was there anything else that would help push you towards thinking he was cheating? Has his behavior changed at all, ie. more attentive/less attentive lately (i mean extremes) any other things you found....? Anything else? Yep, empty Suave deodorant I found in his bathroom trash can....said he bought it when he went out of town at a gas station a few months ago. I said that is a woman's brand deodorant!! He kept saying that men use Suave also. So that on top of the earring makes me not believe him. Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Ok.........earrings now women's deodorant I think something is up. If you were a man and went to a gas station and asked for deodorant they would pass you a men's deodorant and not a women's, if he picked it out himself that's even weirder....... Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 I don't know....... I'm not really believing that your bf would let his friend sleep with some girl on his bed. Sounds nasty to me. Do you think he is capable of letting his friend do that? I would have reacted the same way you did. And now you really have no way of finding out the truth, either you believe him or you don't. He will probably keep blaming it on his friend even if it wasn't his friend. My brother said that if a man isn't caught with any hardcore proof, that he will take it to his grave. Especially with me being pregnant, my brother said that this means he knows he's doomed to hell and being in the dog house for life. Soooo...yeah, he's not gonna fess up. I just don't know if I should just take him back and keep a tight leash on him, or just move on with my life. Link to comment
x_perfect_stranger_x Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 One thing Ive learnt, if your gut feeling tells you something...its usually right. Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Ok.........earrings now women's deodorant I think something is up. If you were a man and went to a gas station and asked for deodorant they would pass you a men's deodorant and not a women's, if he picked it out himself that's even weirder....... I know!! And he kept saying that men use this brand...I was like no they DON'T!!! Then he said "Do you think I'd put it in the bathroom trashcan for you to see! I would have hidden it." This crap is so confusing... Link to comment
chrissykissy83 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 One thing Ive learnt, if your gut feeling tells you something...its usually right. I was just about to say what perfect stranger said, trust your gut instinct. Link to comment
soon2be Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 I was just about to say what perfect stranger said, trust your gut instinct. Thanks Chrissy and PerfectStranger. It's just so hard because he keeps swearing up and down that I'm the only one, and I don't have any real proof (catching him in the act) to confirm my suspicions. *sigh* Link to comment
chrissykissy83 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hey soon2be, I know it really sucks. My ex was away at university when it happened to me. My head kept telling me I was being paranoid, but my heart told me otherwise. I thought there would be no reason for my ex to cheat on me, since we were to be living together in a few months. He cheated on me with a girl that already has a bf and was moving back to her country 2months later. I picked up on things and he gave me stupid explanations for them and I believed him. I even thought I was going mad. Im not sure what to tell you as I know its really tough and loads of thoughts will be going through your head right now. But the only real advice I can give you is to trust your instincts. Link to comment
zenbabyk Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I think he is lying. I'm sorry. I think him saying that he didn't know at first gave him time to try to think about the best lie he could tell you. I mean wouldn't he have mentioned that he let his friend sleep there before? & what bed was he sleeping in during that time? I'm sorry Link to comment
h0pelessr0mantic Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Its so convenient that he had absolutely no idea where it came from and then after you left, magically came up with this story. Do you still have the earring? go and get it if not!!!! then tell him that if its true, for his friend to introduce you to this woman and for her to bring along the other earring. If he's not telling the truth he will not be able to produce any woman or earring. Make sure you ask this of him right in front of him and get him to call his friend in front of you so they can't come up with some story. Ask for specifics like the womans name, how she looks like etc so they can't just find any girl to play the part. Link to comment
Rising Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I'm gonna have to go with the rest and say that it's awfully suspicious. If your guy was totally innocent he would be busting his butt to get every single tiny piece of evidence to clear his name. He would have already called his friend and had him call you, and would have tried to get this girl to admit that it was her earring (unless it was a one nighter kinda thing where she can't be contacted). The deodorant thing is also quite sketchy. I think most guys look at their deodorant the same way they look at their razors. Would a guy go into a gas station and pick out a women's razor to shave their face? Sure it might work just as well... but it's highly unlikely that a guy would do that. Link to comment
h0pelessr0mantic Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Try this: request that he put a picture of you on his wall. Put it up with tape, but gentlyyyyyy mark the exact place it is in (don't let him know this! put like a dot on two corners). If he refuses to put up a picture of you in his room...that would be highly suspicious. If you find that the picture has been moved...that is also suspicious. This might not be fool-proof though since he the other woman may already know that he's involved. honestly the deodorant sounds SOOOOOOOOOOO fishy. My ex boyfriend was cheating on me throughout the entire relationship. I found womens things (such as clothing that WAS NOT mine) and what was his excuse???? "my friends use my room too, once of them must've had a girl up here while we were having a get together". i later found out it was his other girlfriend's shirt...yes he had two girlfriends at once. Sounds soooo fishyyyyyyyyy!!!!! Link to comment
h0pelessr0mantic Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Also, do you have access to his passwords? Even if you do, he might have secret accounts (my boyfriend does). Check his internet history!!! Link to comment
Rising Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I think the picture idea is interesting, though I can't say I agree with the snooping suggestion. It's an ugly path to begin down. If you do find something through snooping then it will solidify it as a way of getting information in your head and you may go to it more easily in the future in other relationships. Trust is a key component of any relationship and whether it's fully there or not you have to have boundaries. Snooping is a sign of lack of trust and if I knew a girl was snooping on me, whether it was email, internet history, or checking my phone... it would be over. It's important to find out what the truth is here... but it's also important to maintain your integrity and to keep yourself from developing bad habits that could lead to future relationship issues. Best of luck -Rising Link to comment
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