Confused ^3

[gardengnome]

I'm only attracted to gay guys that are somewhat in shape,attractive, and 'straight' acting, but I'm not in shape myself. (although they will force me to be with where I'm going for a couple months)

 

 

but,

 

I'm not even sure if I'm entirely gay anymore. I think a lot of girls are pretty and I'd like to cuddle and maybe a little more with very attractive ones.

 

The only problem with that is I've come out of the closet to a dozen or so people and I wonder what they would think if I ended up with a girlfriend sometime in the future (I've never been on a date, in a relationship, kissed, or had sex with anybody before).

 

I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the 60/40 spectrum of bisexuality, meaning, I'd prefer to be with a guy, but I could be with a girl, and that's only if they are on the same 'level' in my opinion. In a LOT of cases, I would much rather be with a girl than a lot of guys.

 

It seems like I would prefer to find Mr. Right, but would be ridiculously hard for me to find and extremely rare, while Miss Right is less desirable, but more available.

 

I guess I have a little bit of time to think about it, and I'll be going away to college in a few months like I've always wanted to, so I'm hoping to figure it all out there, but I was just wondering on suggestions and what everyone thinks is the right thing to do.

[greywolf]

Don't let what people think stop you from doing what you want. It's ok to not be sure of what you want yet. You're in college. You have plenty of time to figure it out. But do what makes you happy and not what other people expect of you.

[Cognitive_Canine]

First of all, don't settle.

 

Only have a miss or mr. right that you are truly falling for.

 

Second of all, It's okay that you're slightly confused. Just say it to yourself. It's okay that I'm not 100% sure.

 

You haven't even started college yet. In a few years, you'll find some answers. Just continue to enjoy what you enjoy and don't worry about what other people think.

[Pocket Rocket]

I agree with both of the above posts. Also, give yourself time to explore exactly what it is you are feelings, Sexuality isn't set in stone and it can change several times in a lifetime for a lot of people. Be patient with yourself and don't worry about where other people see you. At the end of the day you only have to answer to yourself when it comes to something like this, so relax and good luck!

[fredv3b]

If you can actually find both a Mr Right and a Miss Right and thereforee have to choose between them, then you are very lucky indeed, even if that gives you a terrible dilemma.

 

Miss Nearly Right may be preferable to Mr Nearly Right, the question is do you really want either?

[lukeb]

I actually can't quite figure out why you are stressing out about this, I wonder if there isnt more going on that we are not aware of. Poor body self image may be one issue, maybe there are more, perhaps not comfortable with the idea that you are gay, some self acceptance issues perhaps.

 

It is natural to focus somewhat on the physical especially when you are dating, but there seems to be a complete lack of interest in finding/attracting someone that you connect with on a deeper level.

 

Just some things that occurred to me when I was reading your post.

[bertdru]

I actually can't quite figure out why you are stressing out about this, I wonder if there isnt more going on that we are not aware of. Poor body self image may be one issue, maybe there are more, perhaps not comfortable with the idea that you are gay, some self acceptance issues perhaps.

 

It is natural to focus somewhat on the physical especially when you are dating, but there seems to be a complete lack of interest in finding/attracting someone that you connect with on a deeper level.

 

Just some things that occurred to me when I was reading your post.

 

Umm sorry to be technical, but he mentioned he is bi. Maybe he is grappling with the emotions of being bi. Not a very comfortable situation for a guy.

[serena271]

elevator 61 - Being bisexual is not exactly a great situation for a woman either, lol.

[lukeb]

I do get that there are some people who are bisexual, or at least consider the possibility. From my experience however, the vast majority, now that I think of it I cant ever remember knowing someone who actually was. Plenty of people who say that they were bi, but the truth was something else.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I do get that there are some people who are bisexual, or at least consider the possibility. From my experience however, the vast majority, now that I think of it I cant ever remember knowing someone who actually was. Plenty of people who say that they were bi, but the truth was something else.

 

I have had the displeasing opportunity of meeting girls who say that they are bi only to make themselves seem more freaky to guys. Gives true bisexuals a bad rap.

 

However, to the OP, be strong and don't fret. You are about to go to college age where many people will start to wonder and experiment. You have plenty of time to figure it out, and in reality, you don't truly need to figure it out. Just take the things you like, and try to love the things you took.

[greywolf]

I do get that there are some people who are bisexual, or at least consider the possibility. From my experience however, the vast majority, now that I think of it I cant ever remember knowing someone who actually was. Plenty of people who say that they were bi, but the truth was something else.

 

I'd have to disagree. All the non-heterosexual people that I know are bi, but it doesn't make me believe that the vast majority is bisexual.

[gardengnome]

I've already been in college for a year, but it was just a small community college.

 

I have met somebody that I felt a deep connection with, but I got shot down extremely. It sucked. I don't want to make the mistake of falling in love with somebody if they are actually straight.

 

My biggest problem the past year was I didn't meet enough single people, that stayed single or didn't convince me I needed to be in a relationship. The more people I meet, the more in company I am with other friends similar to my situation (single and lonely).

 

Am I uncomfortable with my physical being? Yes. I'm chubby, but I'm losing weight, and will for certain lose a lot more. I'll be pretty confident once that happens.

 

And yes I am uncomfortable being gay/bi , and I plan on making everyone around me deal with it when the time is right.

[lukeb]

I'd have to disagree. All the non-heterosexual people that I know are bi, but it doesn't make me believe that the vast majority is bisexual.

 

You are saying that all of the gay people that you know are actually bi? I will not say I disagree but certainly not my experience.

[Lucy__lou]

hey gardengnome,

 

I'll second whoever said 'don't fret too much,' assuming you go to a decent, big college, you'll be no doubt subjected to a lot more eye candy than you're used to and you can observe who you find hot, and enrich your catalogue of people you find attractive.

 

If you're bi, it just means you have the ability to be attracted to men and women. That's a talent if you ask me, even if it does make life complicated some times.

 

You can always be vague and rather than label yourself and call yourself gay or bi, just say "I like boys, and sometimes I like girls, but I like boys more." Or you can avoid even specifying which sex you prefer, and just say who you think is hot. I think that's the most honest way of communicating your sexual orientation. You are the authority on the matters of your sexuality, and you may describe it as you experience it, and you don't have to simplify it for anyone. As long as you're true to yourself and to your feelings, it shouldn't matter. But please, for the love of god, please don't date girls if you don't have the ability to really like them in that way. Don't let them think you're attracted to them sexually, or deeply emotionally, when really it's more of a platonic attraction. It's not fair on the girl.

[pianoguy]

If you're bi, it just means you have the ability to be attracted to men and women. That's a talent if you ask me, even if it does make life complicated some times.

 

Not to be contrary, but how is it a talent? That would seem to me like saying that being left-handed is a talent.

[gardengnome]

Not to be contrary, but how is it a talent? That would seem to me like saying that being left-handed is a talent.

 

I would say that being ambidextrous is a talent.

 

Being left-handed is a sin before God, and you must repent.

 

 

hahaha, just playing, but a good joke to tell to left-handed homophobes?

[Lucy__lou]

I know that kind of thinking is offensive to gay people, but I feel fortunate in my bisexuality, because I can get that amazing feeling from both halves of the population. It's inconvenient, but it's a blessing.

[pianoguy]

It's not offensive, just peculiar. What would you say if I said being gay is a talent? Or having brown hair?

[Lucy__lou]

I think seeing beauty in others is a talent. so I reckon your ability to appreciate the beauty in men is kind of a talent. But take my comments with a grain of salt. I know it's not PC

[pianoguy]

I can see beauty in men, women, children, animals, and plants; so I have all the "talents" you possess, plus the children, animals, and plants part. The only difference is that the only group I want to have sex with is men. I don't think wanting to have sex with somebody constitutes a talent.

 

It's one thing to be proud of your sexuality... it's another thing to think of it as a special ability or something. That's... odd.

 

Gardengnome, if you want me to shut up, just give the word, we're way OT.

[greywolf]

I can see beauty in men, women, children, animals, and plants; so I have all the "talents" you possess, plus the children, animals, and plants part. The only difference is that the only group I want to have sex with is men. I don't think wanting to have sex with somebody constitutes a talent.

 

It's one thing to be proud of your sexuality... it's another thing to think of it as a special ability or something. That's... odd.

 

Gardengnome, if you want me to shut up, just give the word, we're way OT.

 

I do think that it comes accross as a little arrogant, but there might be a reason she said that

[greywolf]

I would say that being ambidextrous is a talent.

 

Being left-handed is a sin before God, and you must repent.

 

 

hahaha, just playing, but a good joke to tell to left-handed homophobes?

 

hahahhahhahahahahahahahhaha