Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 After our great first date in which we spent the night together and got on really well etc I suggested meeting up again on Thursday, she agreed to this and seemed really happy with the idea. Now the girl I am dating is a career girl, seems to be busy all the time, was in the office on Sunday etc So anyway, I text her and ask if she is on for Thursday, I get the following reply: "Hey, work is so busy just now, not sure I can make Thursday as got so much work to do before I go away, will let you know either way as dont want to muck you about x" I then texted back that I understood and hoped we could rearrange. Reply was as follows: "I'd like to meet up again, I would say so otherwise. I am just so stressed at work this week. I am not back til 29th so will have to leave til your back from your holiday, will give you a shout tomorrow though, let you know how things are going? x" Thoughts people, is this a cop out? I truly believe that it is. Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Don't read into things too much. You said yourself that she is busy with her career so this is going to be a common occurrence. The girl that I'm dating is living with her sister and has to watch her nieces and nephews 6/7 nights a week so it is very normal for her to have to cancel, move, or change plans with me when things come up at home. She even told you that she does want to meet up with you again but its difficult to plan. The biggest thing here is to find lots of other things to keep yourself busy in the mean-time. It'll help keep your mind occupied and not overthinking the situation. Also, when you do finally get a date planned, you'll be able to talk about all the fun and interesting things you've been doing over the past week. That makes you seem like a more interesting person to her and it will build your self-confidence. Good luck! -AMG Link to comment
yellowjack Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 There is no way to know. Just don't become that needy guy who needs to know right this second. If she gets back in touch when she is less busy, then great. If not, then you have your answer. I know it is hard, but take some deep breaths and relax and try to take your mind off it. Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Well she is on holiday next week and I am away until the 8th September. So wont be seeing her for at least 3 weeks. She is going to contact me tomorrow to confirm how she is getting on. Your right though, time will tell though, if she was geniunely not interested she would have just said "I'd like to meet up again, I would say so otherwise." I was just getting over my ex and now this Another lesson learned. Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Your right though, time will tell though, if she was geniunely not interested she would have just said "I'd like to meet up again, I would say so otherwise." I was just getting over my ex and now this Another lesson learned. I meant that if she genuinely wasn't interested she would NOT have said that she wants to meet up again, she said that she did and emphasized that she wouldn't lie to you about that. Don't get discouraged. -AMG Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I think you are getting way too invested in this woman way too fast- you have only been on one date! Also, when she said "I'd like to meet up again, I would say so otherwise." was that in reaction to something you said or asked her? Because otherwise, it is a strange thing to say, imo. Link to comment
Zampotne Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Play it cool. Busy girls like this don't like to feel pressured. She's independent and most likely wants to date someone equally as independent. She sounds interested and is going to make an effort to make plans. Don't push it. Leave it at that. Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 I think you are getting way too invested in this woman way too fast- you have only been on one date! Also, when she said I am on the rebound so probably thats why I am getting too involved, we got on great though, but I do agree with you, I should have not got this attached. "I'd like to meet up again, I would say so otherwise." was that in reaction to something you said or asked her? Because otherwise, it is a strange thing to say, imo. I said I would like to meet up another time but would understand if she didn't want to. Thoughts? Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I said I would like to meet up another time but would understand if she didn't want to. Thoughts? Yeah, stop saying stuff like that. It makes you sound sad & insecure. Why would you say something like that? You said you had a great first date. Link to comment
yellowjack Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Play it cool. Busy girls like this don't like to feel pressured. She's independent and most likely wants to date someone equally as independent. She sounds interested and is going to make an effort to make plans. Don't push it. Leave it at that. I very much agree with this. About a month ago I went out with a guy and had a great time with him. We talked on the phone a couple days later and had plans to meet again later that week. When that day came around I got stuck at work and let him know I wouldn't be able to make it. He flipped out and barraged me with texts and e-mails and accused me of never wanting to see him again. Needless to say, that behavior set of big red flags, so I didn't see him again. Before that I really had planned to reschedule with him. Im not saying you are doing the same thing this guy is, but neediness especially so early on can be a big turn off. Link to comment
Zampotne Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I am on the rebound so probably thats why I am getting too involved, we got on great though, but I do agree with you, I should have not got this attached. I said I would like to meet up another time but would understand if she didn't want to. Thoughts? CONFIDENCE. I hate when guys are always questioning things--- "let's do this, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO". It makes me not want to. You need to take the attitude that OF COURSE this girl would want to. Not cocky though of course. You'll know if she doesn't want to see you anymore. She won't respond. She'll tell you she doesn't. You don't have to ask. She shouldn't be having to reassure you so soon. Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I said I would like to meet up another time but would understand if she didn't want to. Thoughts? By saying that you would understand if she didn't want to, you told her "i don't believe that you really do wanna get together". Her response saying "I would tell you otherwise" is saying "I wouldn't lie and say I wanted to get together sometime if I didn't mean it". Also, avoid saying things like "I would understand if you didn't want to." It shows that you don't think of yourself highly, you need to go into a date knowing that you aren't the lucky one to be on a date with her, she is lucky to be on a date with you too. CONFIDENCE IS KEY! -AMG Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Good advice guys. I understand exactly what you are saying. She is going to email tomorrow and cancel for sure. That's obvious, how do I then keep the momentum going for my return from vacation/holiday in 3 weeks time? What's my next step? 1. Actually arrange a date, say the 15th September? 2. Play it cool, "yeah I will text you when I get back?" 3. Tell her to keep in touch (odd text over next few weeks etc) 4. Delete her number and let her do all the running? Thoughts? Link to comment
Zampotne Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Good advice guys. I understand exactly what you are saying. She is going to email tomorrow and cancel for sure. That's obvious, how do I then keep the momentum going for my return from vacation/holiday in 3 weeks time? What's my next step? 1. Actually arrange a date, say the 15th September? 2. Play it cool, "yeah I will text you when I get back?" 3. Tell her to keep in touch (odd text over next few weeks etc) 4. Delete her number and let her do all the running? Thoughts? I'd lean toward #2 Are you going somewhere on your vacation where you won't be able to talk to her? If you can, I'd send a random text about half way through your vacation and just say something like "Having a great time... hope you're doing well and I'll see you soon" If you can't text or anything while you're away, I'd leave it at something like "oh ok that's ok.. we'll just do something extra special when I get back. Hope work goes well and I'll talk to you soon" Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I would also pick #2, and stick to it. Let her miss you while you're gone on vacation and then figure things out once you get back. You don't wanna spend a vacation worried about what she thinks anyway, just go and have fun then pick things up with her when you get back -AMG Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 I'd lean toward #2 Are you going somewhere on your vacation where you won't be able to talk to her? If you can, I'd send a random text about half way through your vacation and just say something like "Having a great time... hope you're doing well and I'll see you soon" If you can't text or anything while you're away, I'd leave it at something like "oh ok that's ok.. we'll just do something extra special when I get back. Hope work goes well and I'll talk to you soon" I am going to Vegas and WILL be able to text so will just do that (#2) That way if she responds when I am in Vegas I know there is a chance of a meeting on my return, if not then I am in Sin City so who cares Link to comment
Zampotne Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I would also pick #2, and stick to it. Let her miss you while you're gone on vacation and then figure things out once you get back. You don't wanna spend a vacation worried about what she thinks anyway, just go and have fun then pick things up with her when you get back -AMG Exactly. If you tell her to keep in touch while you are on vacation, (option #3 I think it was) she's gonna be like- what is wrong with this guy? He's supposed to be on vacation and having fun... he's WAY too into me WAY too early. You'll be fine. Don't worry. Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Exactly. If you tell her to keep in touch while you are on vacation, (option #3 I think it was) she's gonna be like- what is wrong with this guy? He's supposed to be on vacation and having fun... he's WAY too into me WAY too early. You'll be fine. Don't worry. I hope so, I did like this girl, we really clicked. Anyway I will update y'all tomorrow when I hear back from her. Link to comment
yellowjack Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 #2 is def the best option. Good luck and have fun in Vegas!! Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 #2 is def the best option. Good luck and have fun in Vegas!! Thanks man. After a good nights sleep I have came to my sense's with this situation. I now fully accept that because I am recently out of a 7 year relationship that I am being needy and thereforee letting this cloud my judgement. I need to look at the situation for what it is/was. One night of passion and some pillow talk. Sure the girl was nice, pretty etc but at the end of the day I am not going to marry her. We had ONE date and I realise that this girl owes me nothing. She may or may not be busy, but in truth I know NOTHING about her, she could be married for all I know. Anyway, ball is in her court, if she wants to see me again then great, if not, then next please... She is going to contact me again today so that should serve as a barometer as to whether we hook up after Vegas. Will keep y'all posted... Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Update as promised: As expected she texted me tonight to say she CAN'T meet me and that she is really sorry but is MEGA busy, we should 'defo' catch up after vacation though. I replied "No problem, I know your busy, send me the odd text to let me know how your doing if ok? x" Her reply was "Yeah, no problem, take care, see you soon! x" Looks promising I think. Thoughts? Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I agree, looks promising. But don't think about it too much, just go to Vegas and have fun! That way you'll have lots of good stories to tell her about when you get back. -AMG Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it looks very promising. If I cancel on a guy I am into, I make sure I reschedule. I think if she was really into you she would have called you to let you know she couldn't make it, and scheduled a make up date. Just out of curiosity- what made you think it looks promising? Link to comment
Godwin Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 I agree, looks promising. But don't think about it too much, just go to Vegas and have fun! That way you'll have lots of good stories to tell her about when you get back. -AMG Cool man, I will, hope it works out because she is a great girl, not going to get to hung up on her though. Is she texts next week then great, if not, I will reassess after my vacation. Vegas needs to take priority Link to comment
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