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Well we had that big discussion last night!


mickmorley
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Hi guys, thanks for all ur advice... Now I don't know what to do now...

Anyhow, Last night, she came over and said "don't be angry with me, I think we should sit and talk tonight", so we did. We talked about how we are both unhappy, then she said that for the last two years she was someone else, now she is becoming herself again, and she thinks I won't like it. She tells me she doesn't have fun with me anymore, that is why she goes out, and that I don't make her feel special. Yet I treat her like a queen, im always there for her, I get her everything she wants etc, the only reason we cant have fun is because she goes out everynight, by the time she gets home its too late to do anything.

 

Now, she is saying she wants to have space, and she is feeling to smothered, and she doesn't want to be tied down. When I asked "does this mean you don't want to be in this relationship" she said "no, im not saying that, I just want to be my own person". She wants to be her own person, who goes out, and flirts with guys etc, im assuming so she feels special. I don't know what I should do from here. I mean i can totally see where she is coming from, because if I want to go out with my friends I do, which is fair enough.

Also she said she doesn't want me calling her all the time, and that we should just chill out. I mean there is something wrong when your GF doesn't even look forward to seeing you again.

Well she says she loves me, and I believe her, otherwise she would have broken it off a long time ago when she was first unhappy...

 

I admit I have made ALOT of mistakes in this relationship. I just need to know how I can make it better from here on in. Should I just go do my own thing, and hope she misses me enough to call me, and be with me? What should I do. I really am so lost.

Seems like we have gone from Spending everynight together, from seeing each other a couple of times a week. I don't know how I am ment to cope with this.

 

Please give me some more advice... Im really hoping our relationship gets stronger, very soon though. I need to feel Secure again...

Thankyou...

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I hate to say this, but it sounds like your girlfriend is trying to hold on to a relationship that she feels is dead. There is something wrong when she doesnt look forward to seeing you. I don't mean to sound negative or anything, but I am trying to help you avoid further pain. You are going to continue to have hopes of a stronger relationship and she sounds like she has already planned the end...which will destroy you even more. I think you need to be on your own. Give her the space she has requested. Try to move forward in your life. As 01man suggested, join a gym or activity that you enjoy. There is always hope for something to get better, however, I would not depend entirely on that. Try to accept that if things aren't going well between you two, that you are strong enough to move on. If things do work out, you will be pleasantly surprised.

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Hi Mick,

 

I have followed your postings with quite some interest. I also read mermayd's comments. I might be wrong, but after reading both of them, it looks like from my point of view that this woman is about to break contact with you at all in the end. It is hard to say "I am going to let you go" and that is why I believe she is trying her best not to hurt you and to be nice over it. I think her trying not to hurt you is very respectable, but leaves you in confusion.

 

My suggestion is pretty much the same as mermayd's: go around and have fun. Make new friends and try to concentrate on what you do. In the end everything will fall in place for you. It is very possible, though, that it will not be with this woman.

 

I hope that this helped you a bit and wish you good luck, but most of all lots of fun!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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...however, may I suggest there is a possibility that your partner may be playing safe - I get the impression she may be feeling insecure, bearing in mind the above comments and replies. It is possible, that she is preparing to leave, but needs somewhere secure to go to. Obviously, without meeting you two it is impossible to entirely understand the situation, but mentally preparing yourself for the worst and providing yourself with exercise, mental stimulation and the company of YOUR friends could soften the pain of losing her. If she is not going to leave, the extra vibrancy you feel in improving your life will make you more, rather than less attractive to your partner. Don't give your partner the reason she needs to leave, show her you are a content and supportive friend without putting her under pressure - constantly asking for reasons, explanations and where she has been will only reduce the time you spend together. Why not start an outdoors hobby together? Wishing you the best of luck, D.

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