Steve 7745 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 In my experiences, I realize that many people follow this pattern. First, about the time they're in their late teens to college, both men and women get into their first serious relationship. Average time on it is a few years. Because it's the first relationship, it often fails of course. The age of the people involved, the immaturity of both parties, the difficulties of so called "young love" all play a role. Afterwards comes a slight experimentation phase where people try various forms of dating, ranging from random one night stands, casual no-sex dating, etc, etc. Not long after, a form of an ideal mate begins to spin in the person's head. Often, this form is highly based on the first person that one has felt anything for in the previous long term relationship. Now, about this time (mid twenties), many short term relationships begin to emerge. These short terms go for as little as one or two weeks, to as long as a handful of months. Throughout these short term relationships, new ideas are spun which are added to the archetype of what one is seeking in a mate. My experiences end when one is starting to hit the later twenties, where these short term relationships begin to be more on the longer side, ranging from three to six months. In our experiences in dating, I've come to wonder just how much the first relationship we have affects us, and I have a feeling that the answer is "more than we would realize". The first relationship sets a standard for our future behavior. I suppose this didn't come out until I began to ponder why my summer relationships never seem to go so well, but the rest of the year my relationships seem to work out perfectly. I suppose that's about the time that it hit me. In my first relationship, it was a long distance between DC and NY, then north and south MD when she moved down to College Park. The distance made us lonely and I got used to entertaining myself by playing games, hanging out with friends, studying, etc etc. We would see each other once a month. Then the summer came. Now, I was a lousy boyfriend, and it was during the summer months that this came to pass. Basically, we made plans and I stayed with her at her apartment for the three months I was there, sleeping on the futon because her bed was too small. It was during the summer of a slight recession and I was having a hard time finding a job to pay the rent. My girlfriend ended up taking care of me, providing money for the bills and food, and even finding a job for me as a painter with a pathetic company. Our living styles were straining too, she demanded the place be kept extremely tidy and she would constantly want to go out. I just wanted to stay up at night and play video games- by the end of the day I was so sick of her nagging me I just wanted to be left alone. I think it's either a factor of guilt or an attempt to overcompensate for what had happened, but during the summer months in my later relationships I often became somewhat try hard. Buying flowers, becoming a little too affectionate and spending far too much time with the girl I was seeing. S, my first summer fling, lasted two weeks. Her definitive reason for ending it? "I was too needy." K, single mom. I think her status of a single mother made her encourage that behavior. Ended because I believed her when she said, "I'm not looking for a dad for my child", which led me not to take the relationship seriously. This came back to bite me on the rear. Now I know. Next summer, there was... K, pursued her for the summer. Managed to start curbing my neediness some, but after two months I asked for an exclusive relationship. Was turned down but continued to see her, finally gave up when I realized she wasn't going to give me what I wanted. S, lasted three weeks after earlier K. Was affectionate and spent a lot of time with her, going so far as to be the first girl I had ever bought flowers for since my first relationship. And her humorous reaction was... S: "Wow! You're the second guy in my life to ever buy me flowers!" Me: "Really? What happened to the first guy?" S: "He's in prison." Let that be a lesson to you. I pursued S for three weeks, becoming affectionate, while she began to turn away some after a while. She was so into me, then she lost interest. Lost my job, ended things with her. Called her a month later, but she explained, "You can't force romance..." After S, my friend reminds me that when it comes to relationships, once a guy has chased a girl enough, he needs to turn around and let her chase him. He didn't kinow why that was, but for some reason proving that she was worthwhile to him seemed crucial. I try it and end up in a relationship that lasts six months throughout the winter. It ends, then summer comes. Only one relationship that lasted for three months with C. Things are great for the first two months when we go exclusive. Things are still fine for two weeks, then the honey moon phase is over and things start to get a little rough. I become try hard in the last week of it, things boil over and then fail. Strange thing is that all my try-hard behavior only occurs during the summer. During the fall, winter and spring, my relationships are effortless. They last, both she and I seem happy, but during the summer, something goes wrong. And I think the key is grasping the connection to my first relationship. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.