bellamine Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 hi guys... This is a long story...so I will try and keep to the main points My boyfriend and I dated for 7 years, best friends, lovers, soul-mates really. We had great times, we knew everything about each other - good and bad.our families are close..hometown sweethearts.. we talked about the future and eventually settling down. In the 7th year, we hit a bad patch.We were stuck in a rut, not making an effort to do things as much together. silly really..because i know you need to make an effort with relationships to keep them alive. At the same time, I was turning 25 - mid 20's crisis maybe..and I was becoming bored and unhappy in my life and where I was going. I knew I needed a career change. I loved my boyfriend..but I was scared to commit any further without ensuring I was happy in myself I guess I felt its hard to commit and love someone else until you love yourself. So we broke up - or I broke up with him. It was very very hard, he was devastated and couldn't understand..i don't think I explained properly either.I just needed to get away....my head was a mess after a couple of months, we got back in contact.. Anyway, that was 2 years ago and for the most part of that time, we have been in contact. about a year ago, we talked about seeing each other casually just between ourselves - not tell anyone - to avoid outside pressures..in theory this seemed a good idea, its what I wanted as I never stopped loving him. But in practice and now hindsight, this "semi-relationship" - bordering on just being friends was more harmful for us. I found myself increasingly busy with my college work which left me with little time to spend with him. although i can imagine he was frustrated, he understood and supported me..and made do with our limited dates. i think the way we both handled it was damaging any bond we had left. we never had a proper breakup and when you are still seeing someone its hard to know what we have and what you dont have. and in that time we became complacent.i was absorbed in my college work, and prioritised it. I took him for granted..I never explained how much I cared. Because we were drifting along, there seemed no urgency to it. until a few weeks ago, he told me he had had enough, he has "wasted" over a year of his life on me/us and wanted to get on with his life.Up until that dreaded conversation, we were getting on well, had spent the weekend together, lunch out etc..so I was shocked. it turns out he's now seeing someone else..and he wants to make a go of it with her cause he says its easier to start fresh then go back to us and our baggage. I am distraught and its eating me up.. Although you might think I had been very naiive letting it go this far..I really thought we would work things out..he waited for me for a year and we had been together for 7 years..and now nothing.. he's also going abroad with work for 6 months -although he will be home once or twice a month.. I dont know what to do...I really, really want to make things work for us. i want to fight for us..but i think the more i try and speak with him, the more i am driving him away.. any advice would be appreciated... Link to comment
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