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Where is my home?


Teresa24

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I think I am an emotional and sensitive girl,I like reading a lot and sometimes mix my real life with the stories.

 

I wonder anyone here has the same feeling as me?Sometimes,I feel lost,I dont know where my home is.I have been living with my parents for 18 years,then living in another city alone for 8 years,during these 8 years,I stayed with my parents around 20 days every year.

 

I want to take my parents' home as my home but I always feel that is not where I belong to.The place I live now is only an apartment,everyday I come back and face the empty room,I feel it cannot be called as a home.

 

I often feel lonely,that's why I want to get married soon.Actually marriage is not so important but I do want a home with someone I love. Everyday after I finish work,I can cook for him, snuggle with him in the sofa or go out for a walking hand in hand.The place where my heart can stay, that is a home.

 

After my two failed relations,I feel it too difficult to find a home feeling.

I am just floating everywhere,dont know where I belong to.

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A relationship will not 'fix' your life. I honestly think everyone goes through that at times in their lives. I have moved 10 times in my life and I do relate to the feeling of nothing being a home. But if you relate 'home' to being happy then I think you need to learn to be happy on your own first. A relationship can't make you happy.

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I think a (good)relationship gives you something to look forward to, something to help you make it through the day.
You can say the same of friends.

 

In practice many marriages are kept "alive" due to the companionship the partner provides.

 

In the end only you decide what is best for you, but know that your feelings will chance once you have a relationship for a longer period, and then what will you do?

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Hey Teresa24 =]

 

I'm like you in the reading and mixing real life with the stories i read.

I would feel like i wasnt really here, it's hard to explain. But i just cut down on my reading a bit because it was effecting my communication and 'people' skills.

 

I guess after reading less i was able to feel like i am here and and although i'm still finding out where i belong, i'm closer than i was before. =]

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It's true,a relationship or marriage cannot fix my life.

So I still have to move on after I failed to find the right person.But I really like when there is some beautiful things to expect.

I am also confused by myself,what's the exact definition of a "home"?

I have love from parents, friends, people who care about me...but that doesnt seem enough to make me feel secure.I still feel I am floating without direction,I think what I want is a home to contain my heart.Am I too greedy or unpractical?

 

Mrs Lovett,thanks for your advice.I didnt read a lot now,what I mentioned maybe reading influenced my thinking and emotion.I have read many books when I was a teenager,and I loved reading sad stories and poems,maybe that leads to my negative attitude today.

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I love reading sow I think I understand what you are meaning with the reading part "I love my mills and boon romance books" Yes many days I wish I could be the girl in the book but it is not reality, to many things left out that is part of normal day living. They only mention and give a short description of the "everyday things" one's if ever in the book and the rest of the time they concentrate on compacting a month to a years good memories on the 95 % of the pages left.

 

I've moved begin of this year form a lovely duplex ( it was my first home me and my ex got together) to a really big home, it looked sow comfy when someone els stayed there and I went to have a look at it, now me staying in it just makes it different, it is as if the place lost that feeling of home. Maybe with time and memories formed, I may call it home, " I just don't know"

 

It is hard to come back everyday to a empty place, to only hear one self is not that great, I would usually put the TV or stereo on down stares before I change to have some noise, to make the place feel less empty.

 

Will I push love to get rid of this feelings, not again. I think it was these feelings that made me rush into my marriage and at the end of the day played a big part in why it never worked out.

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I'm right there with you...

 

I don't know what 'home' is supposed to feel like anymore.

It's not where I was born and grew up. It's not where I went to college. It's not in any of the cities I've traveled through or countries I've visited or lived in. Everything has felt temporary and nothing has made me consider stopping and taking root.

 

Maybe it's because the love we've been looking for hasn't kept us from continuing on... or settling in.

 

I don't think home is a place that you move into or even a place that you can leave for that matter. Home is created in your heart and mind, based on memories, experiences and emotions attached to a place.

 

I think what you are looking for Teresa is a place in your head. It might be anywhere in the physical world, but you'll likely only really find it once you find the pieces that make up what 'home' means to you. Maybe that's a husband, or children, or a place where you can come to rest after a long, hard day.

 

I know how hard it can be to never have the feeling of really being 'home'. I wish you luck in finding it.

 

-Rising

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