Need some advice about this situation!!

[shayshay07]

Hi everyone. I don't know if i'm posting this in the right forum, so if not, sorry. I'm 6 monthds pregnant, and everything is is going well with the pregnancy, thank goodness but the only problem i'm having is with my baby's father. Our relationship is really good for the most part, but it is bothering me that he hasn't really included me in his family yet. I met his mom and dad over a year ago when we first met, he didn't introduce us when i saw them, so it was like "hi, how are you" out of politeness.

 

Anyway, he doesn't invite me to any of his family get-togethers or dinners, and when i call his folk's house to speak to him, they act like they barely know who i am. So i don't think he even told them i am pregnant. If he did, i wonder what kind of people they are that they have not asked me about the baby or shown any interest whatsoever in this pregnancy. I don't need the support from his family, i have enough support from my own family and friends, but still it would be nice, and it kind of hurts my feelings a little bit because we are in a serious relationship, and about to have a child, and I don't know anything about the family that he lives with and is very close to.

 

My friend thinks i should just ask him why he doesn't invite me to any family functions, but i really dont want to because i feel like if he really wanted me to be there, he would ask. I don't want to force him or make him feel obligated to do something he wouldn't do anyway. Maybe its just my pride or something, but i refuse to invite myself to anything, or ask to meet with his mom, because i think its ridiculous that i should have to do that. A part of me wants to let it slide because i don't need them, but another part is really bothered that i have a daughter coming in 3 months, and i have never been actually introduced or spent anytime with her father's side. Does anyone have insight on hy he could be keeping me sort of away from them? Should i just let it go? Thanks.

[Batya33]

Was this a planned pregnancy? if not, did you discuss how it would work if you were pregnant as far as interacting with his family?

 

Once the baby is born I would encourage him to have his parents get to know their grandchild but I agree based on what you wrote that you should let him include you on his own initiative.

[lana111]

you need to ask him why he doesnt invite you to family functions. unless he isnt close with them (which you said isnt the case) you need to be a part of the family. i think its crucial. there is a reason why he doesnt ask you. maybe its bc its awkward for him. maybe bc he doesnt want you to find out something about him. maybe he isnt that into you. i dont know, but i do know youll only find out by asking him. you are in no way out of place asking him such a question. if i was seriously dating someone for 6 months and they didnt want to introduce me to their parents... id be suspicious.

[shayshay07]

Batya- No we didn't discuss how i would interact with his family, but i didn't think that was something that needed a discussion. Guess i was wrong. I thought that he would tell his family, and being that i'm having his child, they would ask about me or want me to come over or something. My family asks about him all the time. To be honest, i don't even khow if i would want my daughter over there without me becuase i don't know them.They are his mom and dad, and i imagine they have rights also, but i couldn't feel comfortable with her being there, and not having a slight idea of what they are like. I assume they are very nice people because my boyfriend is a really good guy, but i just can't say for sure.

[Batya33]

My point is that you need to focus first on the best interests of the baby to know her grandparents and develop a relationship - it might sound harsh, but just because you're carrying his child doesn't obligate him to include you (as opposed to the child) in his family. Is it nice/caring? No. But I would not go down the path of thinking that he owes you (as opposed to his child) more involvement in his family at this time. I also would bend over backwards once the baby is born to establish a relationship with the grandparents, but make it clear it is for the baby's sake. I agree you don't need to leave your child with people you don't know well.

[shayshay07]

lana- i am a little suspicious of what he is trying to hide or avoid, but I can't think of anything. alos, it would be nice to feel like a part of his family especially since he is so close, to them, i feel ike there is a big part of him i don't know. oh well.

 

batya- I don't think he is obligated to include, me, but i think it is very inconsiderate not to. We are still together, and have been for over a year. If we were broken up, and i was pregnant by him, that would be different then, because he would only need to include his child, but we are in a relationship so why am i being excluded? It will be even more awkward if the first time i meet them, the baby is already here and on my hip, and we're all looking at each other like "ok, and who are you?" Just because he has some weird thing about mentioning it now.

[Batya33]

Look, I agree that it seems weird but I think your best approach with him is to focus on the baby's interests so that he sees why it is important. Does he know your family well?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

batya- I don't think he is obligated to include, me, but i think it is very inconsiderate not to. We are still together, and have been for over a year. If we were broken up, and i was pregnant by him, that would be different then, because he would only need to include his child, but we are in a relationship so why am i being excluded? It will be even more awkward if the first time i meet them, the baby is already here and on my hip, and we're all looking at each other like "ok, and who are you?" Just because he has some weird thing about mentioning it now.

 

I think your expectations and questions about this are very reasonable.

 

There is no reason to skirt around the issue. Why should you? If you have a question about something like this, why should you not ask? You have the right to know. I'm not saying that you should make it about you...but it's a reasonable question to be asking. I certainly would.