What now?

[burgundy]

While not unique, my situation may be unusual. I am 67, separated and quite likely to be divorced from my wife of 28 years. The cause is definitely bad behavior on my part (not abuse or infidelity) which I don't think is fatal but she does. She rejects therapy. We are not poor but will be facing more financial strains if we divorce. Inevitably, we will fight about money even though we are in California (Los Angeles). I still work and will continue to do so for at least 5 years. I am totally torn between wanting to somehow get her to return and wanting to protect myself by moving on with a new life. I am intelligent, educated and athletic-and have absolutely no experience in dating or social networking. Any ideas or relevant experience?

[Aviatormy]

how old is your wife of 28 years? What was your "bad" behavior consisting of?

[jasper01]

A wise, experienced woman once told me that when a woman says she wants to leave a relationship, the only thing you can do is say 'Okay, goodbye'. Otherwise you become trapped in a situation that she controls. That doesn't mean she might not come back on her own, but you can't influence it.

 

I know this is difficult, but that's the best advice I can offer if she refuses counseling.

[Balbina]

Can the relationship be salvaged at all????

 

You say she rejects the idea of therapy, but have you two made a huge effort - or a grand gesture - in trying to make it work?

[Snoopy24]

28 years is a very long time being with someone, so if it does come down to it, I think you shouldn't look into dating right away.

 

I can't really say if she will come back to you, since I don't know what the "bad behavior" was. But if she is willing to forgive you and your bond is strong enough I think you should try to work it out.

 

But even if it doesn't work out, remember people start over all of the time. My father and step mom, just split up after 20 years, and they are both ok, and actually happier then they were for the past few years.