Contacting an ex...

[Delusion]

So, it's been over 2 yrs since my ex and I broke up and I was thinking about contacting him, good/bad idea? Part of me doesn't want to but the other part thinks I have nothing to lose at this point. It took me well over a year to get my life back together and another year to start allowing myself to meet people and see where it goes. Thoughts?

[testcase]

I mean if you have no expectations other to know how he is doing I don't see what it can hurt. Only you know if you are really over him.

[soul_soother]

Depending how much are you over him and is it a possibility of getting back together? A lot of times at least in my cases after NC's it just brings drama back into my life.

[notsoanonymous]

Why exactly are you thinking of contacting him?

[Delusion]

Well, he still lingers in my mind. Friends think it would be good closure for me since I was the one who screwed things up and well I feel a enough time passed where I've changed and learned from what I did. Part of me thinks it's a bad idea and that I should leave him alone.

[summerpeach]

do you still have feelings for him?

[Steve 7745]

It's been two years. Your post seems relatively tame and controlled. You're looking at this in a fairly logical light...

 

It doesn't seem like breaking NC is a half bad idea. People can change in two years after all. They can become wiser, more experienced. They can discover from their mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance, just not always right away.

 

If you think you can either get closure, gain the final piece of acceptance from it, or perhaps find out of the possibility of reconciliation exists, why not. The latter of these three options hinders upon your ex's maturity, and that's something that's out of your control.

 

If you think that breaking NC may be a good means to finally close the door, by all means, go ahead. I think it was Mayday who advised, go from NC to LC, from LC, see where things go and do not be in any rush to get from point A to Z. Take your time. I would hope that you'll find closure at the very least from trying.

 

Good luck.

[Delusion]

I'm afraid so or maybe it's b/c he's my real first love but at the end I just can't help but still thin of him. Luckily, I got over it in the sense of going on with my life, dating, have fun and all. It's just that I still yearn to know how he is and what he may be doing. Then I think, even if things ended b/c of me taking so much out on him still if he had any feelings he would contact me, no?

[Mayday11]

In my opinion, it's okay if you still have feelings. The bigger question would be "can you control those feelings"?

 

As in, if you contact him and he's deep into another relationship, is it going to throw you into a downward emotional spiral? Then don't contact.

 

Think of the worst possible response you could get from him. If you think you can handle it, by all means, go ahead and get in touch.

[Mayday11]

I'm afraid so or maybe it's b/c he's my real first love but at the end I just can't help but still thin of him. Luckily, I got over it in the sense of going on with my life, dating, have fun and all. It's just that I still yearn to know how he is and what he may be doing. Then I think, even if things ended b/c of me taking so much out on him still if he had any feelings he would contact me, no?

 

Not necessarily. The flipside to "he doesn't care about me, so he's not contacting me" is "he does care about me and he's not contacting me because he's respecting the boundaries I've set up and he's concerned for my well being."

 

You just don't know.

 

I wouldn't recommend jumping right back into being awesome friends just yet, but sending him a "Hey, how's it going?" email or text should be just fine.

[kuhl282000]

Give it a whirl if you feel you need to ......

 

Good luck

 

Remember he may already be with soemone else though .....

[notsoanonymous]

I know how this feels - To have been the one to walk away from your first love and then want to just "see how they are doing..."

 

Don't do it. Move on.

 

This will not give you closure, only open up old wounds.

[Delusion]

I decided not to contact him for now at least. Really, if he is the one at the end of the day life/destiny/whatever you may call it will see it that we reunite in some way, shape or form. I will always love him and can't speak bad about him. I hope he is happy and I know he would wish me that too. I'm a little nostaligic b/c I met up with my old college friend who introduced us last night and well we started talking about this. I'm reminded of something she told me when my ex broke up with me. She said, sometimes it takes to love someone so much to know the best thing is to let them go. I think that is true b/c I know he loved me but he knew that the timing for us was not right and had to let me go. Well, no tears just nostalgic and content that I had someone that special in my life even if it last forever.

 

Thanks to everyone's input.

[Delusion]

Corrected, typo...

 

I decided not to contact him for now at least. Really, if he is the one at the end of the day life/destiny/whatever you may call it will see it that we reunite in some way, shape or form. I will always love him and can't speak bad about him. I hope he is happy and I know he would wish me that too. I'm a little nostaligic b/c I met up with my old college friend who introduced us last night and well we started talking about this. I'm reminded of something she told me when my ex broke up with me. She said, sometimes it takes to love someone so much to know the best thing is to let them go. I think that is true b/c I know he loved me but he knew that the timing for us was not right and had to let me go. Well, no tears just nostalgic and content that I had someone that special in my life even if it DIDN'T last/last forever.

 

Thanks to everyone's input.