Had an abortion.

[hmmmbored]

My girlfriend just had an abortion thurs morning...weds night was when she decided to cut our relationship.

 

My question is, how can this effect you? she was 2 months in when it was done and before it happened it brought a ton of problems...stress leading to sadness leading to anger leading to lashing out at eachother which led to our breakup.

 

Im very sad about the abortion, i did nothing but think about it since we made the decision. If i feel really sad she must be 10x worse i would imagine...weds night she told me i couldnt be there with her at planned parenthood, where she got it done. That killed me, thurs morning was the lowest time of my life.

 

How does it effect you later in life? Is it possible she made a irrational decision because of the stress this all has brought? She doesnt care about me or talking to me right now, could it be because of her hormonal activity?

 

Thanks

[Catdancer]

It could be hormones, it could be that she needs to deal with her decision and her physical pain on her own. The best thing you can do for her now, is to give her space and if she wants to talk, let her come to you.

[jettison]

I went through this once with someone I loved, but we survived it. It was awful. It really affected our relationship in a bad way for close to a year. In these situations, you really can't push anything. She is going to be distraught and irrational, and you can't internalize it. I'm sorry you two broke up, but anything is possible. Give her her space, but be supportive when she contacts. Ask for nothing. Hope for the best.

[blackandgold]

I just had an abortion myself 3 days ago so I think I kind of get what she's going through. Give her some time to deal with it. Don't force her to talk about it or try to force her to talk about your relationship right now. If you guys were having problems before, the stress of the pregnancy situation was probably enough for her to just want to cut out as much stress in her life as she could. People can only handle so much.

[redhearts]

To be honest. She wasn't too far long that the hormones would affect her drastically. So she must be all out of it because the fact that she had to do it, forced pretty much and has no counseling or no one there for her at the moment. So she just wants to be left alone, so leave her alone.

 

& your allowed to sit in the waiting room at pph.

 

How does it affect you later in life? Really all depends on the person. It can go two ways you either regret it or think about it constantly and go on the what ifs or you are whatever and don't care about it. Shes probably going on the thinking of the sex of it, what would of or could of happen etc route. She needs counseling or therapy to help her through it. It can affect her later in life when she does decide to have kids.

[hmmmbored]

i feel like a complete low life because here i am worried about our relationship and trying to salvage it when she must be going through so much worse pain...leaving her alone is what ive been doing...im just worried in her pain she will start hanging w/ more old friends like she already has, shes been using drugs everyday (or so she says) since we split to take the pain away...shes masking it w/ drugs, partying, very bad friends and distracting herself...im afraid she will be so caught up we can never sort things out.

[blackandgold]

i feel like a complete low life because here i am worried about our relationship and trying to salvage it when she must be going through so much worse pain...leaving her alone is what ive been doing...im just worried in her pain she will start hanging w/ more old friends like she already has, shes been using drugs everyday (or so she says) since we split to take the pain away...shes masking it w/ drugs, partying, very bad friends and distracting herself...im afraid she will be so caught up we can never sort things out.

If she choses to go that way there's nothing you can do and I don't think it's your place to do or say anything. You're not dating anymore, she can make her own decisions about who she hangs out with and what she does. It doesn't sound to me like she's interested in sorting things out right now and I think you should prepare yourself for the very real possibility that things never will get worked out. I hate to sound like a jerk but working our your relationship is so much less important than her getting through her own issues right now.

[BellaDonna]

I feel like a complete low life because here i am worried about our relationship and trying to salvage it when she must be going through so much worse pain...leaving her alone is what ive been doing...im just worried in her pain she will start hanging w/ more old friends like she already has, shes been using drugs everyday (or so she says) since we split to take the pain away...shes masking it w/ drugs, partying, very bad friends and distracting herself...im afraid she will be so caught up we can never sort things out.

 

I don't think it is constructive to compare your pain to her pain, or feel guilty for caring about your relationship with her.

 

This abortion has affected you too- and you will need to go through a grieving period as well. To deny yourself of your own feelings on the matter is not healthy.

 

I strongly suggest that you contact Planned Parenthood and ask them for some resources on post-abortion counseling and grief counseling.

 

BellaDonna

[Scorpion Fury]

An abortion is the most emotionally painful experience I have ever faced, and allowed me to see my ex's true colors.

 

She is probably grieving a lot right now. It is very painful, and a year and 4 months later, I still think about it EVERY DAY, and I'm sure I will for the rest of my life. And everytime I think about my ex, I think of our baby.

 

It's possible that she thinks of the baby everytime she looks at you, and can't deal with it. Or maybe consciously or subconsciously, she resents you in some way.

 

She's going through a hard time right now. I think all you can do is let her know you love her and are still there for her. She may or may not come around.

[hmmmbored]

yea, she told me that she will never look at me the same way. I wasnt there when she needed me, even though i wanted to be she wouldnt let me.

 

I know there is alot of resentment towards me over this and the way i acted leading up to the abortion.

 

Not fun.

[hmmmbored]

working our your relationship is so much less important than her getting through her own issues right now.

 

 

Agreed, which is why i feel bad for pressuring her like i did the few days she was ignoring me leading up to the breakup.

[thejigsup]

I've had two abortions and a miscarriage, as well as a now adult son. It never bothered me much. I was raised in a household where children were rather regretted but because of religious reasons, were not aborted. It was not fun, in fact, it was hell for all three of us! I figured I saved an unborn child all of that. It really was a terrible life! When I had my son, I wanted him and he was a blessing! I still don't regret doing what I did, but others have had a different life and may feel differently. Just remember that not all women regret, or are sad over, having an abortion.