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Afraid of Commitment


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Hello there,

I am seeking some helpful advice in my situation..... I have been dating someone for the past 3 years and we have had no talk of marriage. When the thought of it is brought up by me, his answers are always I don't know.. When brought up by other people, its usually time for him to get up and go to the bathroom and find something to check on.... I am really confused about what to do... how long to you give someone if you love them? I love this guy with all my heart.....but i am getting really frustrated with waiting .... I'm in my mid 20's and he's in his early 30's .... So what the heck is the deal?!?! I thought by his age you would be looking for someone to settle down with ? and if that is not the case then i don't understand why he has dated me for so long? I just really need some helpful advice .... I'm losing my patience..... but with the same token my heart still loves him very much.


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It sounds to me that he is not ready to dicuss this issue. I would bring it up to him when you and he are alone and ask him beforehand that you dont want him to get up and be distracted, that you want his attention and some sort of response. I suggest bringing it up to him and stating that you would not be quite as impatient if you knew what his veiws were. If he is not ready, make sure he feels at ease about telling you that. In other words try to avoid saying something along the lines of, "I wanna get married already!" I am sure this is true, but it will only intimidate him. Try to be open to his needs to wait if that is what the issue is. I think you just need a more clear picture of where he is coming from and you will not know any other way other than just simply asking him. Try to state your needs as well, but offering to wait. You should both try to come to some sort of compromise. If he refuses to listen or acknowledge the whole discussion, I would just follow him and state that if he is not ready, you will wait, but that you want to know where he is coming from and when he is ready to talk, you will be there to listen. Try not to push the issue too much or he will just freak out. True, most men feel the need to settle around his age...and your clock it tickin'. But not all men are on the same schedule. It may be another 5 years before he is ready...are you willing to wait? And in a worst-case scenario, predetermine your response if he states that he never wishes to get married his whole life. Will you be satified with being life partners in every other respect other than on paper? But you really need to talk to him in any case. This is the most important factor. If you dont have communication, you have close to nothing.

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Way to go, Mermayd, I think you said it all.



Hi Michelle,


Thank you for coming to eNotalone.com with your question. I am a 30 year old male and may be my support helps you a little. Unfortunately, I have nothing much more to add to what Mermayd has said. She pretty much went down to the bottom to this.


She is right about not all guys wanting the same thing. Every individual is unique in this world and everyone has their own mind. In a relationship it's the trick to come along and compromise. It takes a little or some more work.


My rule of life: Communication leads to a better understanding, so like mermayd suggested, that's what I would do. Good luck!


~ SwingFox ~

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