back together but now im weak one..

[Hosvius]

me and my ex got back together about 5 months after being apart. We both dated other people and came to the conclusion we only liked one another. so long story short we're back together. BUT now im in a situation. Since she broke up with me she has had me wrapped. Im kind of the b*itch of the relationship. I used to be the man! I feel now i am completely powerless in this relationship. I have no clue how i happened, but when she says jump i say how high. She knows this now and is a huge ego boost for her and it's quite annoying. I was wondering if anyone else has experinced this and if anyone could give me advice on how to re-establish my self as the alpha.

[Cognitive_Canine]

stop jumping.

 

Act how you did before the breakup and frankly, don't give her so much time. She broke up with you! She should be the one kissing your feet. She's the weak one. Pull away a little and I can almost bet she'll freak out.

 

If she doesn't, then she may just be in the relationship as a way to boost her confidence. Don't put up with that.

[obsesor]

good relationship should be even, if youre doing everything for her, she should be doing the same for you. if its lopsided, it typically will not work. So maybe a talk is in order and see if this is a relationship that you both really want to work, cause as is, and i think youll agree, it wont work long term.

[majord23]

This is the danger when one partner almost feels 'grateful' that the other has reconciled.

Some basic changes you can start to make:

 

Set boundaries and stick to them.

 

Call her out on her behaviour if you feel it is unacceptable or disrespectful.

 

Have a life outside of her and make plans to catch up with your friends without her sometimes.

 

Do not cancel existing plans to spend time with her, except in exceptional circumstances.

 

Do not do things for her that she would not do for you.

 

...there's a start.

[Catdancer]

This is the danger when one partner almost feels 'grateful' that the other has reconciled.

Some basic changes you can start to make:

 

Set boundaries and stick to them.

 

Call her out on her behaviour if you feel it is unacceptable or disrespectful.

 

Have a life outside of her and make plans to catch up with your friends without her sometimes.

 

Do not cancel existing plans to spend time with her, except in exceptional circumstances.

 

Do not do things for her that she would not do for you.

 

...there's a start.

 

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. This happens alot when one partner is afraid of screwing up and losing the other. They sacrifice themselves and lose what makes them THEM, in order to keep the peace in the relationship. I did the same thing. We broke up several times and finally I just broke. I hated what I had become. I had to get away from him and find myself again.

[maka56]

Who got back with who?, did she ask you back or did you want her back?, how did you go about this?.

[Hosvius]

Who got back with who?, did she ask you back or did you want her back?, how did you go about this?.

 

 

we had talked off and on in between the break up, but she initialized the getting back together. I have set boundries, and i've changed a few things. I noticed she is shocked at the way i respond to her childness. i refuse to give it any attention. the main thing now is me giving into her. I get all worked up when she doesn't do something she says. I suppose the real thing is i think too much about her and i don't have enough of different things to do. We used to be together every day and now it's simply not the case we both have work and school etc. I sit at home while she's with her friends lol She knows what she does and apologizes to me when she knows it was messed up like not calling me etc. I guess im sort of needy? and thats just not me. I just want to re-establish the leadership i once had in this relationship

[majord23]

Take a step back and examine the behaviour it that she exhibits that makes you become needy.

Then echo that behaviour (to a degree). It will feel foreign to you initially, but if you want to get yourself back on an even footing then you need to start adjusting your behaviour.

 

At the moment, you are in danger of becoming a 'yes man', less of a challenge....and ultimately single.

[joshparker]

make yourself seem uninterested in her and dont be needy, this isnt easy but i think it will help you im the same age and i know some of the games these younger girls will play if they feel like they are dominant.

[brian123]

You have Marines in your avatar. Do you think being told by someone how high to jump and taking orders from someone who is supposed to be your equal is something that a Marine would do?

[dreamguy]

Take a step back and examine the behaviour it that she exhibits that makes you become needy. Then echo that behaviour (to a degree).

 

I think this is true and it applies to both genders.

The key expression here being "to a degree".

Avoid becoming someone who just mirrors her every action or you will look even worse than you do now.

[Hosvius]

I think this is true and it applies to both genders.

The key expression here being "to a degree".

Avoid becoming someone who just mirrors her every action or you will look even worse than you do now.

 

I understand. You don't want to come off as a mockery of their own behavior. I've applied everyones advice to my experiences with her. I am trying not to get as work up over small simple things, example: when she's with her friends and I want to do something I simply let it go and make a plan for the next time rather than complain and question the situation. I also have lessened the attention I give to the foolishness such as me always wanting to be with her etc.

 

thank you everyone for your input this website and the people on here are always helpful!

[dreamguy]

when she's with her friends and I want to do something I simply let it go and make a plan for the next time rather than complain and question the situation.

 

Don't always try to make subsequent plans when she is busy. Just wish her a good time (say it like you mean it) and let her suggest another meeting with you if/when she is interested. If she doesn't try to reschedule then let things be for a little while. Make her feel you have your own life (which should be the case by the way) and you are busy too so it's fine by you if you are not always doing something together.

 

They key is to act as aloof as possible without bringing the subject up. If you try to talk about I bet she will just get all defensive and accuse you of smothering her. So act silently and calmly.

[Hosvius]

Don't always try to make subsequent plans when she is busy. Just wish her a good time (say it like you mean it) and let her suggest another meeting with you if/when she is interested. If she doesn't try to reschedule then let things be for a little while. Make her feel you have your own life (which should be the case by the way) and you are busy too so it's fine by you if you are not always doing something together.

 

They key is to act as aloof as possible without bringing the subject up. If you try to talk about I bet she will just get all defensive and accuse you of smothering her. So act silently and calmly.

 

so true, that is just what i do. i say have fun call me later, rather than fondle the matter with questions

 

thanks