goodguy81 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 see here for the full story so i put all the cards on the table on saturday..told my ex not to text me that she misses me etc..and that ill call her when im ready to talk so the next day i broke down mentally..partly because its the first time i was going to an event without her..it was weird seeing all my friends and her not being there (after 9 years)..so i ended up callin her..she couldnt talk cuz she was with her new man..but called me numerous times later to which i didnt pick up because i was trying to enjoy the party after the party (3 pm)..i tried calling her and left her a vm ( I KNOW - BADDD)...she didnt get back to me all day..this is driving me nuts..so unfortunately i found the need to write her an email this morning saying she says all this crap to me but obviously doesnt mean it (ie i care about u, love you miss you etc)..esp given that she didnt have the decency to return my call i know i messed up big time after being so strong lately..it was a combination of missing her, the party etc. also i had gone on a date on friday..and the girl was really cool..but i couldnt help thinking about my ex sometimes..wishing she was there ugh i need to regain my strength..i need to get back to how i felt and was a few days ago..the weekends are the worst for me Link to comment
yankeefan74 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Don't beat yourself up too much, it's really difficult sometimes and will be for a while. Link to comment
testcase Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Yea, It is not going to be easy man. The thing is heck I want to call my ex, I want to call to get all these things out I feel have no been said... but hey who am I kidding myself, they have been said many times. In the end I'm sure honestly she is, or if shes not she will feel like crap. I am sure she didn't want to leave, she didn't want to hurt you. By staying in touch with you maybe she thinks she is helping you out, that is not the case. Honestly just cut contact, I was 3 months down the line and feeling better... now I'm back to only about a week and not doing so well. In the end she probably felt something was missing. Now instead of trying to work it threw with you, she is trying to find it within someone else. Who's to say if that's right or wrong.. just depends what kind of person you are I guess. I saw a real interesting post where someone was comparing the hopeless romantic to the serial dater. At least in my situation I feel I was the hopeless romantic dating the converted serial dater for a long time. Do I think it could work in the future? Maybe but I am no longer holding hope man. She has to realize what went wrong and if she could work on it... In the arms of another I'd say this is unlikely. Anywho good luck you'll be back in no time. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Do you two have any kids? If not, why then are you continuing to ring and text each other? She has another man, you are dating.....why the contact?? Reminds me of when I split with my H, who I was with for ten years. He walked out for another woman, yet wouldn't leave me alone. Kept calling me 'I love you'...'I miss you'...'I'm torn between the both of you'....blah, blah.... Nothing to do with the fact he loved me, he missed me, or he was torn....if he loved me, he wouldn't be with another woman....PERIOD! It was more his way to keep me on the back burner, incase his relationship with the OP didn't work out... Link to comment
testcase Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Haha D Lish that is a great way of looking at it. Sometimes when we are hopeful we try to fool ourselves but basically u broke it down. If they loved you they wouldn't be with another. Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 wow so an interesting twist to everything so she calls me back today after reading my email..and called to say sorry she couldnt pick up or call cuz she was with her new man all day and he doesnt want her to talk to me cuz he supposedly knows how much she loves me and cares about me, etc...she told me that shes been missing me..and although she has been happy for the most part with this guy..she keeps thinking about me..she said that she has even told her new guy (supposedly) that she still thinks about me and misses me and how much i meant to her (for which he supposedly got upset about) and how much she knows i was there for her which she could never forget i think she also started to realize that things may be fun with this guy but as a long term partner, he may not be who she is looking for by the way, she also knows or thinks im diong alot better..i mentioned in my email that things were goin really well for me (good new job, beautiful new apt, etc)....and during the phone convo i mentioned that i had went on dates with a couple of girls..which i could tell got to her..she actually texted me later to find out if i was telling the truth..so that might have played a role ..she thought i was sittin at home sad so anyway, she mentioned POSSIBLY gettin back tog..that she was thinking bout it etc..i told her i dunno..i didnt want to rule it out completely but we would have ALOT to talk about and thnk about..i said maybe we can talk this week..i dunno how real any of this is to be honest..and to be honest, I dont even know if i would ever take her back which is kind of funny cuz i was dying to be with her not too long ago just wanted to give everyone an update Link to comment
testcase Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Haha well now the tables have turned, or have they? I don't know man I think she left you for a reason, then she found this new guy as a rebound. I can honestly say I don't think finding out the grass is not greener solves the problems. Also I can say because of the rebound I am not sure if she had the time to work out the problem she was having in the first place. I am all about second chances, don't get me wrong, just make sure if you go proceed with caution. How many times can the same girl break your heart? I don't know I think as many times as she wants to. If you two do decide to give it another go talk everything you can out. Make sure she knows where you stand. Make sure she knows it is not just Ok to leave you and that she has a free pass to come back anytime. You know a part of you will always love her but if she is willing to do this to you then you can accept it is not a healthy relationship for you. Again in the end if she comes back it is your decision. Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 yea i know...its not definite that she would come back..but its going through her head and i know I can do things to make it easier if she wanted..but do i even want this is my main question at this point alot of damage has been done and its not as easy of a decision to make when i run through the scenario in my head yes she had her reason for leaving supposedly..but i think its stuff we can address (at least at the time of the inital breakup)..but who knows this all may be her emotions talking (in my experience, ppl tend to do that - men and women) thank you all for being there for me so far..i will keep providing updates..its nice to konw i have some control..but at the end, sadly, i may even have to walk away even though i was fighting for this..i dont know yet.im confused and have ALOT of thinking to do Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 so she calls me back today after reading my email..and called to say sorry she couldnt pick up or call cuz she was with her new man all day and he doesnt want her to talk to me cuz he supposedly knows how much she loves me and cares about me, etc...she told me that shes been missing me..and although she has been happy for the most part with this guy..she keeps thinking about me..she said that she has even told her new guy (supposedly) that she still thinks about me and misses me and how much i meant to her (for which he supposedly got upset about) and how much she knows i was there for her which she could never forget Errr, why is she still with him then, if she loves YOU and misses YOU so much??? i think she also started to realize that things may be fun with this guy but as a long term partner, he may not be who she is looking for.. Yet she's still hanging on in there with this new guy.... so anyway, she mentioned POSSIBLY gettin back tog..that she was thinking bout it etc..i told her i dunno..i didnt want to rule it out completely but we would have ALOT to talk about and thnk about..i said maybe we can talk this week..i dunno how real any of this is to be honest..and to be honest, I dont even know if i would ever take her back which is kind of funny cuz i was dying to be with her not too long ago just wanted to give everyone an update Yeah, my ex phoned me, said he loved me, the other woman had been a huge mistake, she had used him, blah blah...reckoned he had his bags packed and was on the way.....didn't show up tho!! This happened on one or two occasions.....eventually I just stopped taking his calls.... Words are MEANINGLESS.....Actions COUNT! Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 D_Lish thanks for the perspective! I agree words mean alot more so we shall see to be quite honest, my dilemma is do i even want to even entertain the thought..its something i have to think about maybe i shouldnt even think about it until i see some action Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 maybe i shouldnt even think about it until i see some action That is your best bet and until you see action, believe little of what she says.... Link to comment
george237 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Do you think it is healthy to take her back? She left you and met somebody else a few weeks later. I'm sorry but that right there tells me one of 2 things. She was cheating on you before she left or she didn't think much of your relationship. Plus at the end of the day she knows she can leave you at any point and you'll take her back. This means she will most likely cheat on you or leave you again. Link to comment
testcase Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 See george I don't know if that's the case. The cheating who knows. If they were spending all their time together I doubt it. As far as thinking she can always come back, maybe but hey that's where you let her know she can't. I mean I don't know. If she really really thinks she made a mistake, and you keep your ground... I don't know if she will think she can keep doing it. But in the end what do I know, I'm just a hopeless romantic willing to admit everyone makes mistakes. Willing to give a second chance. I think the big thing is talking to her and seeing what she has realized. You don't want her to come back because she misses a good thing. You want her to come back because she still loves you and really wants to work things out.... Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 yea im not sure what route im gonna take..to be honest i need to hear her and feel her out if she serious and then assess..i already let her know that..i told her i dont know and that we would have to talk and take it from there..but didnt necessarily rule it out quiet yet one thing i will make sure i do is go with my gut on this one..it usually steers me the right way Link to comment
george237 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I would give her a second chance if she didn't find somebody so quickly. Also she is still with this guy which means she is thinking about coming back to the OP but is still up in the air. So for the time being she is going to stay with other guy until she makes up her pretty little mind. I don't put up with that kind of stuff. I need to be plan A not B which is what u are right now. Link to comment
fIIsion Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I agree with George, this is a question of self-respect, I would never let myself be in a situation where an ex can think about coming back to me while she's with another guy. She's with another man a few weeks after ending a nine year releationship, I'm sorry but that speaks volumes. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Sorry Bro ........I totally get your drift ...... And the party the booze anything can happen in the complicated mind of ours .... And yes they drive us crazy ..... And yes we still love them ...... And the event ....and her not there with you ......I'm with you Another Guy .......sorry bro could not handle that one ...... And YES ....the weekends are the worse .....because you know their out there without you .....and you want to be there but your not. You gotta go make your own new weekends bro ....... Get Stoked on life again, you did it before, pull from the good forget the bad .... Start New ....this one may be over .....good luck either way ...I'm with ya, I'm in the same exact boat ......I understand why you did it .....no harm, no foul ......just hurts your heart .....protect it Link to comment
george237 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Sorry Bro ........I totally get your drift ...... And the party the booze anything can happen in the complicated mind of ours .... And yes they drive us crazy ..... And yes we still love them ...... And the event ....and her not there with you ......I'm with you Another Guy .......sorry bro could not handle that one ...... And YES ....the weekends are the worse .....because you know their out there without you .....and you want to be there but your not. You gotta go make your own new weekends bro ....... Get Stoked on life again, you did it before, pull from the good forget the bad .... Start New ....this one may be over .....good luck either way ...I'm with ya, I'm in the same exact boat ......I understand why you did it .....no harm, no foul ......just hurts your heart .....protect it That was rad Link to comment
testcase Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Well I agree that it speaks volumes. I don't know. Maybe it's like I'm trying to justify it even though I know personally I could never do that. I know this doesn't make it any better but you can't deny she is probably very confused. Well haha reading George and fIIsions take on this has really opened my eyes. george if you don't mind I'd like to know really how you feel about finding someone so quickly after a long term realtionship. Thx. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Well I agree that it speaks volumes. I don't know. Maybe it's like I'm trying to justify it even though I know personally I could never do that. I know this doesn't make it any better but you can't deny she is probably very confused. Well haha reading George and fIIsions take on this has really opened my eyes. george if you don't mind I'd like to know really how you feel about finding someone so quickly after a long term realtionship. Thx. Well think about it. You were with her for 9 years. Over that time you guys bonded on a higher level then with anyone else before. You were there for each other in ups and downs and knew every little thing about each other. Then she leaves and starts dating, not going out on a date but dating, another man after a few weeks. That tells me everything that you 2 experienced in the last 9 years means less then nothing to her. For me I wouldn't care if it was Jessica Alba I wouldn't take her back. Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 as much as i wish it was dif, i just cant see things ever being the same i mean i will definitely hear her out, but i am very hesitant..some ppl say look at the future and leave the past in the past..but i believe that history is usually a good indicator of the future Link to comment
george237 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 as much as i wish it was dif, i just cant see things ever being the same i mean i will definitely hear her out, but i am very hesitant..some ppl say look at the future and leave the past in the past..but i believe that history is usually a good indicator of the future History always repeats itself Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 she is acting very funny..says she wants to be with me one min..then the next saying maybe WE did the right thing i dont know if she realized im moving on and is trying to reel me back in/keep me ont he side..im so confused it makes it harder when shes being the old person..at least i think Link to comment
testcase Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Goodguy you got to cut off contact with her man. She is very unsure right now. Too be honest with yourself you are pretty unsure also. Part of you never wants anything to do with her, part of you wants the old her back. Hey we all know that feeling. =). Just remove yourself from situation, try your best not to think about her and keep on working on yourself. Link to comment
goodguy81 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 what should I do if I want to take a look at what shes thinking about..let her put in on the table and let me decide..i want her to do that so I can make a choice..i dont want to push her away so should i stay im limited contact to let her know i care or should i avoid her and do NC still Link to comment
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