speek Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Hi all so happy to find this wonderful forum with such great advice I hope you guys can all point me in the right direction! well here goes my story.... I was going out with this girl for 7 months sure we had some arguments here and there but for the most part we had lots of fun together. Of course the last few weeks something was wrong i could see her getting a bit bored with the relationship we made mistakes on both sides I felt as if i was getting too complacent and relaxed about this relationship almost taking it for granted she being really sweet but a bit stubborn in her ways. Anyways she goes out of town for vacation and when she came back i knew something was wrong so i confronted her and well she confessed she cheated on me(she assured me just kissing and she had no plans of pursing this person a one night thing but cheating is cheating right??!) what really made me angry that lately in our relationship she didnt wanna go out anywhere do anything all the clubs are bad the people are bad but as soon as she goes on vaaction she will throw her standards out the window and go anywhere. So after the talk she basiclly dumped me but wanted really bad to remain friends look i already commited all the classic mistakes being needy emotional drunk calling etc.. these last 2 weeks we have been going out to parties as friends and sure we had our fun as friends but i decided i dont want her as a friend i still love her i want that love we had and i think something is still there i mean she calls me everyday or does she calls me just cause she likes me as a person and doesnt want me to be sad? so anyways my question is this i think im ready for NC finally but should i just stop answering her calls or should i ask her to my home for a talk and tell her then? make no mistake i want to get her back and i finally feel strong enough to follow through the correct way.. what do u think? thanks a ton! Link to comment
pacodemil Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I would sit down and talk with her and lay out exactly how you feel about her and let her know how you see your relationship with her and what you want to become of it. If she doesnt feel the same way then move on. IF you want to remain friends with her at that point it's up to you but the problem with that is can you just let go of your feelings for her just like that, because if not then the friend thing may not work because deep down you will always want more. Link to comment
Seabreeze Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 The best thing to do would be to tell her how you truly feel about her, and this is always best done in person rather than over the phone. I would suggest over dinner or something similar. Link to comment
speek Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 I would sit down and talk with her and lay out exactly how you feel about her and let her know how you see your relationship with her and what you want to become of it. If she doesnt feel the same way then move on. IF you want to remain friends with her at that point it's up to you but the problem with that is can you just let go of your feelings for her just like that, because if not then the friend thing may not work because deep down you will always want more. well thats the thing paco maybe im getting too ahead of myself but if we stay friends i do notice that she is having fun with me so myabe in my case staying friends might be good if i want her back(correct me if im wrong maybe she just wants a friend she can call at her convience ) but if that doesnt happen i know i would be very hurt,sad and upset the first time i see her leave a party with a guy. and that is why im having very hard time deciding on this staying friends thing.. Link to comment
yankeefan74 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 It feels like the right thing to do is stay friends so that she is still in your life, she's still close...she still talks to you and does things with you. But if you want more, it's going to be torture. You will analyze everything...meanwhile, she will think because you've agreed to be her friend that she can say or do anything and it's not going to bother you. She's going to treat you exactly like that - as a friend. And God forbid if the two of you wound up somewhere, having a drink or something...one thing leads to another....you're laying there thinking "This is it, i've got her back..." and she's going to say "Look, i think we both know last night was a mistake, right? We're friends...it's better that way." lol Seriously, it is tough to remain friends with someone you have strong feelings for. Sure, you could get back together, but usually it just turns into a painful mess. Trust me. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Its great you are still talking ......talk it out whenever possible So sorry about the cheating .......thats grounds for termination I think once they cheat on you it will never be the same again ... But then who am I to say look at Bill and Hillary Clinton ........she forgave I just can't myself ...Why? Because its a form of mental torture ...... They go out....you stay home and wonder .......where are they, what are they doing ....who are they with ........and of course you have to trust them You want to I guess ......but that little bit of doubt is what kills it. Its called TRUST ......Good Luck Link to comment
speek Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 nice thanks for the replys guys! the thing that is in my head right now is this.. Is she going out with me as a friend to test how i behave or act cause she wants me back or does she simply enjoy my company as a friend... if its to test me im having doubts about going NC but if its the 2nd option then NC is definatly the way to go.. well i have time to think about till the next time she calls Link to comment
speek Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 well she called me and said she was coming over. and so when she came over i had a talk with her and i said i wanted to start NC she got very sad and cried alot she asked me for how long i told her i didnt know but i held my ground. that really is one of the hardest things ive ever had to do in my life i really hope she comes back to me. i hope i didnt just commit a huge mistake Link to comment
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