So I knew this would happen...its almost like Ross & Rachel from friends

[Seabreeze]

Not exatly like Ross and Rachel from friends but here is my story. A little background info;

 

( Long story btw)

So here is my story:

I have been in a relationship with my girl since 2003 (end of high school, she did not go to my hs btw we sorta met through friends). Everything is always great in the beginning, but after about 2 years we started having some problems pretty much we did the ol break up for 2 weeks and get back together thing so many times I lost count.. well we made it all the way to 2007-2008 and thats when my g/f continued to nag me about "where this relationship is going" "do you see a future for us" "do you see yourself marrying me"....well at that time my type of answer was either I cannot answer that right now or lets just live in the present for now. This is around the time where we would get into fights for no reason and just get annoyed/ frustrated with each other until one little argument about nothing turned into us splitting up for 3 months...and now we are in the present.

 

Pre Vacation situation;

So we parted ways for 3 months I started dating a few girls 3 to be exact, but no one I was really interested in. She started dating some guy from out of state that she would mainly talk to on the phone/online I think she may have visited him twice. Anyways I realize after dating a few people that I actually missed her a lot and wanted her back in my life especially after I found out she was dating someone else. I asked her out to lunch one day to talk she hesitated at first, but agreed. I told her I realized how much I loved her and was willing to commit a little more to the future.. ha what happened next I did not see coming. She pretty much looked spooked/surprised and tried to get away as fast as she could. She said she was completely over me and we should both move on, but I could tell by her face she was telling the half truth. Well after that lunch she didnt want to talk to me, but I am a very persistent person so she eventually gave in.. we talked took a walk in the park and kissed and she said she would think about us getting back together after her vacation (she is leaving in 2 days for 1 week). So I have been textin her regularly throughout the day, but she seems to ignore all my text so I called her a few times until she decided to pick up. I asked her why she was ignorin my text and then I said what ever Ill give you your space until you get back from your vacation then we can talk about us... ha then she says about us? I dont know if thats a good idea and then says " I gotta go".

 

Now this is where it gets interesting I am going on vacation to hawaii She is going on vacation to visit some guy she has been talking to online ha the great part is she didnt even meet him on a dating website she met him on Xbox live how funny is that. Anyways I was trying to get through to her before she left because I knew exaclty what was going to happen and of course it did, but she didnt want to hear anything from me at the time.

 

So she went down to visit this guy she was interested in she was suppose to stay a week but she ended up staying only 3 days. I didnt know any details until I got back from hawaii which was 2 weeks later. So i needed someone to pick me up from the airport so i decided to call her since she was available. She picked me up and I told her all about my trip...but now she was acting different she seemed like she wanted to give us a chance a complete turn around from before we both left for our vacations. Well since I did still have feelings for her we started making out and then we had sex and before you know it we were acting like we were back togeather the next day now.... everything would have been great until I had to pry details about what happened on her vacation.

 

So the next day: I came over her house to hang out, but she complained she was feeling sick ha sorta like morning sickness so jokingly I said maybe you are pregnant then it wasnt a joke lol she was like well yea I am like 2 weeks late so then I was like ha hey I havent had sex with you in 3 months duh. So it turns out she had sex with the first guy she started seeing after we broke up, which isnt so bad since we were broken up, BUT THEN she has unprotected sex with the guy she went to see on vacation. Whats great is this guy met her for the first time day one had sex day 2 and 3 and then sent her home early and she says she still has feelings for this guy, but she loves me and has more feelings for me. Well it has been 3 days now since we have been acting like a couple, then I decided to tell her I cant do it now. I told her I was willing to commit all the way before her vacation, but she didnt want me then and I realized I cant do it. I told her its gonna be hard for me to walk away because I still love her, but after hearing how easily she just had sex with 2 guys especially unprotected sex. Not only that, but now im feeling like im a fall back guy the guy she has been going out with for 5 years turns into a fallback guy ironic. Its also kinda pathetic when I think about it she didnt want to get back with me before because of some guy she met on Xbox live. Well after I told her this she started crying and said not to leave her she realized after her little escapades that I am the one that cared for her and she loves me...BTW she took the EPT test and it came out negative... I love her, but after all that I dont know if things could ever be the same...part of me is telling me to stay usually when im with her, but the other side is telling me to run far away and find someone else..

[speek]

your girl made some horrible mistakes and trust me its hard to deal with if the person totally breaks that near perfect image you had of them. first can u handle the fact that she did all these things and move on and forgive her? and is she worth forgiving does she really love u? or are you just going to be the fall back safety net whenever ur with her? well im not an expert by any means(i mean look at the other thread hehe) but i hope i give u something to think about

[Seabreeze]

Well...I did what I had to do. I hung out with her the whole day and and the end of the day I told her I cant do this. She begged me not to go, but I had to. It was one of the hardest things to do - say goodbye to all that I know. We were happier than we have ever been in those 3 days since I got back, but I know in the long run because of what has transpired it could never go any further. The next step for me is to give back everything that connects me to her so she knows im serious...and let myself know i am also serious then I will try NC and hopefully soon enough she will be nothing more than a memory of good times and what could have been but just didnt happen.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

>>but after hearing how easily she just had sex with 2 guys.

 

So you had sex with 3 girls while dating right? And she had sex with 2 and that's not OK? double standard there.

 

It really sounds like you two are more together based on habit than anything, or are just not ready to get serious with anybody (either of you) if you both want to date a lot of different people.

 

So sit down and decide whether you really want to be with her as a person based on who she is, not on the circumstances of this break. People too often make decisions based on one set of events, rather than looking at the big picture, which is do you love this girl enough to stay with her permanently?

 

And you were on break when all this happens, so you can't hold it against her for dating other people.

 

So make your decision based on whether you think you are right for each other or not, and whether you want to be serious with her or just date around.

[Convoluted]

I don't mean to sound so simplistic, but this just looks so cut and dry. You both want what you can't have when you can't have it, but when you can have it you don't want it! Time to move on. Seriously, you don't need the stress of who f'd who and when and how many times. Point is you both of you rushed into moving on and now you want to go backwards. There is no going backwards though. What's done is done. If you guys get together again it will only be a bandaid until the next person comes along.

[Seabreeze]

Convoluted: Thanks for the theory, but its def not like that. You just need certain events in your life to wake you up to what really matters sometimes.

 

 

No not at all, its nothing like that. I DATED 3 girls I did not have sex with any of them infact its dating those 3 girls that made me realize who I really loved. Its not about who f'd who that I have a problem with. The problem is I told her how I felt before she went to meet this guy, but she seemed swept off her feet by him so she ignored how I felt met up with this guy then found out that he just wanted her for one thing now she wants me...almost like im a fall back guy. I do love her, but I cant be with someone thinking im a fall back guy and she can give herself and her love to other people so easily. I just wouldnt feel special and it wouldnt work.