Break up?

[tranquil]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 1/2 months now. I have some problems with the relationship, but I'm not sure if I should end it or not.

I'll list the pro's and con's of staying with him

 

Pro's

• I love him
  
• I am completely comfortable around him (I have some physical defects, he's the only guy I have ever been completely naked around)
  
• I have basically moved into his house already
  
• Shallow: He's extremely hot
  
• Shallow: We have amazing sex
  
• He knows every single thing about me, literally. And vice versa
  
• We share the same interests
  
• He insists on paying for me, for basically everything
  
• He always compliments me
  
• He would never ever cheat, or even think of another girl
  
• I can't imagine life without him
  
• Breaking up with him would completely shock him and seem out of the blue
  
• He's depressed and tells me everyday that I am the only reason he's still alive
  
• I pretty much only hang out with him and his roommate.
  

 

Con's

• He's constantly making fun of me
  
• He puts me down in front of our friends all the time
  
• He doesn't understand that I don't like sex that often, and tries to force it at least 3 times a day
  
• He makes me feel guilty for stuff that's not my fault, he's very passive-aggressive
  
• He's constantly bugging me to get a job to save money so I can get an apartment with him, but he spends all his paycheck in the first day without saving a penny
  
• I honestly don't think I'm that attracted to him anymore
  
• I don't get sparks when we kiss, I don't feel that urge to keep kissing him
  
• He's basically just become a best friend to me
  
• He's very immature, and emotional
  
• Biggest thing: I cheated on him while I was really drunk and high one night, only one quick kiss, but still a kiss, and I am attracted to other guys
  

 

So that's my list, and I really don't know what to do. All those con's are enough for me to break up with him, but I don't know what I would do with my life if we did because his best friends are my best friends, and I basically live at his house...I would have no friends left if we broke up, and I'm just so comfortable with him and can't imagine another guy I can be that close with.

 

I could really use some advice...

[blackandgold]

Reading your pro's and cons I wouldn't want to be in that relationship. First off if you're attracted to other guys I don't think you really love him. Him saying your the only reason to live is ridiculous and he needs help. The whole thing just sounds wrong. I definatly think you should dump him and find someone you really love and is more what you want.

[tranquil]

Thanks for the quick reply, I should have explained more, I know I'm not IN love with him, but I still love him as a best friend, I care very much about his feelings and I don't want to be the one who hurts him, but I have to be...

[pacodemil]

It sounds like you have a very good best friend that you really care about but don't see yourself with as a lover. If that's the case then you need to end it before he gets to involved. It wouldnt be fair to either of you at that point. Try taking a break for a while. Then if you really want to be with him or not it will be clear to you.

[tranquil]

I tried going on a break with him a month ago. I asked for a week and he ended up talking to my parents and all 3 ganged up on me and forced me to bump it down to one day. He was an emotional wreck that day and texted me every 10min and phoned every hour

[blackandgold]

It sounds like you guys got really serious really fast and he's already very much involved. I think the best thing to do it cut it off sooner rather than later. I mean it's going to hurt him but it's better than draging it out, and to me it sounds like maybe he deserves it. I can't handle overly emotional dramatic people, I just have no patience for them. It's just like I'll listen to you but please remember I'm not your shrink. People like that will only bring you down and make your life stressful and miserable.

[pacodemil]

I tried going on a break with him a month ago. I asked for a week and he ended up talking to my parents and all 3 ganged up on me and forced me to bump it down to one day. He was an emotional wreck that day and texted me every 10min and phoned every house

 

You have to talk to him and tell him the truth about how you feel. If he loves you then he will understand and give you time and space to think. If he doesn't then he obviously doesn't care about your feelings as much as you thought.

[tranquil]

It sounds like you guys got really serious really fast and he's already very much involved. I think the best thing to do it cut it off sooner rather than later. I mean it's going to hurt him but it's better than draging it out, and to me it sounds like maybe he deserves it. I can't handle overly emotional dramatic people, I just have no patience for them. It's just like I'll listen to you but please remember I'm not your shrink. People like that will only bring you down and make your life stressful and miserable.

 

You're very observant...he was telling me he loved me 1 month into the relationship...I agree with you completely about the emotional thing, that's actually what set me off for him losing his attractiveness

 

You have to talk to him and tell him the truth about how you feel. If he loves you then he will understand and give you time and space to think. If he doesn't then he obviously doesn't care about your feelings as much as you thought.

 

Thank you for the advice...that actually makes alot of sense and I never thought about it that way...he's in another city right now till Tuesday, but as soon as he get's back I think I will come clean with him on everything

[blackandgold]

I don't like to sound insensitive but I mean come on. When someone is just emotional all the time for no reason it makes me really mad because it's like I would understand if you had a real problem but you don't. Some people are just attention whores, who need to constantly be reassured. Being overly emotional and needy is maybe the single bigest turn off for me.

[tranquil]

Lmfao I know exactly what you mean, I've been dealing with his emotional needyness for atleast 8 months now (he hid it for the first month and a half) I prefer a man who can take stuff that goes wrong and look at the positive, shrug off the bad and move on with life, so much more attractive

[blackandgold]

I understand everyone goes through hard times and you need to be there and be supportive for that but when someone is always like that for no reason it's not good for you. It's useless pressure, stress, and it breaks you down.

[tranquil]

I understand everyone goes through hard times and you need to be there and be supportive for that but when someone is always like that for no reason it's not good for you. It's useless pressure, stress, and it breaks you down.

 

Exactly, I woke up on day and he tried to initiate morning sex, I refused and told him to go brush his teeth because he had morning breath. No big deal, he's told me to go brush my teeth before, I've done the same, but that time he just blew up and started saying I didn't love him anymore and didn't find him attractive and he needs a girlfriend not a mother, blah blah blah. There's something like that every day. Verrrrrry stressful.

 

Any guys who read this thread, you should take some advice from this haha

[jcrisph]

#1. brush my teeth before kissing my girlfriend in the morning

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Though many people are attention whores (hence a website dedicated to complaints/problems/issues), many other people have mental problems.

 

Though you have the complete right not to want overly emotional people in your life, not all of them are just playing you. It's just as annoying for them to feel that emotional as it is for you to deal with it.

 

Trust me, haha.

[tranquil]

Though many people are attention whores (hence a website dedicated to complaints/problems/issues), many other people have mental problems.

 

Though you have the complete right not to want overly emotional people in your life, not all of them are just playing you. It's just as annoying for them to feel that emotional as it is for you to deal with it.

 

Trust me, haha.

 

=) I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense to emotional people, I'm just tired of dealing with pointless drama

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I wasn't scolding you, but it's something to think about. And like I said, you have the right to say you want something different for yourself.