Daniel Jones Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Welcome to yet another commitment issue thread, I'll try and make it short for you guys, but please, I'm having a lot of trouble with this one, so any help would be appreciated. My girlfriend (let's call her Carol) and I have been together for 4 and a half years now, we got together when we were 15. We've broken up a couple of times, but gotten back together. The first time we'd been together for I think it was about 2 years, Carol broke up with me because she wanted to explore feelings for another guy. I wasn't happy about it, but I let her go, and I started a relationship with another girl (let's call her Cindy). Things fell through between Carol and her interest, while things were going great for me and Cindy, so Carol stopped coming to school, called me periodically to scream at me and threaten suicide until I eventually broke up with Cindy and reluctantly got back with my Carol. I felt bad for Cindy, because she was great to me, and she didn't deserve what happened at all, but she was understanding and very caring towards me, which just made me feel worse and angrier at Carol. While things were pretty tense between Carol and I for a while, we started to fall back into our old ways, and we were happy again for a while, until I saw Cindy again at a party. I got talking to Cindy and apologized for everything that happened. She forgave me, and was again, very understanding and caring, something I didn't really see in Carol at the time. Unfortunately, I got drunk and Cindy and I ended up kissing all night and just talking the best conversations I'd had in ages. Being who I am, I had to tell Carol about these events, she was not happy, in fact, she was incredibly furious at me, which is understandable, but in her anger at me over the next couple of weeks, she made Cindy appear even more appealing, until in the end, I ended the relationship to be with Cindy, although we never actually officially got together, just hung out a lot. At first, it was all good, aside from the periodical phone calls from an outraged Carol. However, then I started to miss Carol, and Cindy was kinda boring me, so Cindy and I stopped seeing each other. Carol then started hooking up a good friend of mine, and it made me realise I still had feelings for Carol and that I had been a fool. I was upset and angry at both my friend and Carol. I hooked up with a girl we'll call Rose at the time, and she was lovely to me also, and I actually really had feelings for her at the time, but sadly, she was interested in somebody else. After a month, Carol and I finally started talking and hanging out on good terms again, and she told me she wanted to be with my friend, and I said that was fine, whatever made her happy. Because at that stage, I did realise that everything that had transpired was my fault, and that I loved Carol, and that I did actually just want her to be happy. Well, shortly after that, Carol wanted me back, and we got back together, moved out and lived together for about half a year before having to move back home when we ran out of money. Now, having been with Carol for about a year and a half since getting back together, I'm feeling restless. I don't want to commit because I feel like I've never really experienced being single, or what it's like to be in a relationship with somebody else. I do love Carol still, but I'm not sure if it's still a romantic love. I feel like if I married her now, then I'll always be resentful, and always wonder what I missed out on. To compound matters, Rose has started coming back into my life in a big way, although I haven't been unfaithful to Carol at all. I've also been struggling with a fear of death for the past maybe 8 months, which just makes me even less willing to commit. I told Carol about my feelings, as we communicate everything to each other, and we eventually came to the conclusion that a break may be a good idea, and that I need some time to sort out my head and heart, although I promised her I wouldn't be with anybody else on the break, although she can be, and that I simply need to figure some things out. Things were going well, but today Carol called and said she cannot handle "being dangled over the edge of a cliff" like this, saying that she cannot endure not knowing whether I'm going to be with her or not, and gave me an ultimatum, saying not to contact her in anyway until I can say whether I'm ready to commit, or if I want to break it off properly, and that she hopes that she'll still want me by the time I decide I want her back. I worry that if I make the commitment, I may always feel this way, and I won't be happy or I'll have to put Carol through this again, but on the other hand, I could be losing a girl who really is quite great. And that's where I'm at now. Sorry for the long story, I actually left out a lot believe it or not, but I included everything I felt was necessary. If anybody can give me some advice, opinions, or just anything to help me make this huge decision, I'd appreciate it greatly. Thanks for your time guys, Daniel Link to comment
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