I'm getting anxious.

[rentangel24]

I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. We're going to be living within 20 minutes of each other come this october, but right now we're still stuck with just phone calls every night.

 

Recently he started talking about his ex girlfriend. I'm not sure if it's because he feels more comfortable with me or what, but it bothers me.

He told me the story of how they were together for 3 years or so, and they would constantly break up and get back together. They would have a 3 month run and then be off for a month. That sort of thing. He told me it was more out of habit than anything and that he really didn't even get along with her, he was just really physically attracted to her.

 

And for me, the hardest part about an ldr is the doubt as to whether your partner even finds you attractive. I've been in a long distance relationship before this, and during that one I got used to him and due to the lack of physicality I lost interest. The problem in this relationship is I'm head over heels, and I'm worried he'll lose interest in me.

It would be pretty dumb if he waited this long just to end it, but I suppose anythings possible.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is, how do I get over that jealous/anxious feeling in my stomach whenever I think about him and his ex. Me and him get along great, and he never gives me the idea he wasn't interested anymore, but when he mentions how the only reason he was with his ex was because she was physically attractive to him, I get worried that I won't be able to balance the strong emotional connection with the physical connection. I get worried we'll just end up friends because he isn't attracted to me.

 

Is that silly and irrational?

 

Thank you guys.

[redhearts]

What you should do is say I think its a tad rude to be talking about your ex. That you don't bring up your ex's but you heard a little much on how attractive he found her, is he trying to tell you something? Just be straight up, communication is the biggest thing in relationships!

[rentangel24]

Thank you for the advice.

 

Communication is key, I agree. I told him I don't like it when he talks about her and he apologized. Whenever he mentions her know its about how much he couldn't stand her, or how "empty their attraction was." Which I suppose makes me feel a little bit better, but I would have preferred not knowing much about her at all. Or at least finding out about her after we were settled in New York together.

As if LDR's aren't stressful enough he dropped another bomb on me.

[redhearts]

If he has the need to bring up an ex a lot like that, theres only one reason. We all know, hes missing her or had been talking to her or looking at her pics or something.

[rentangel24]

I know. I thought about that too. But I think I'm feeling better about the whole thing, anyway. I don't really think that's the case, I'd like to think not at least.

[Mindy1607307824]

Why do men even open the X files? leave them in the closet, where we'll never run into them.

 

It's fine to be upset, but don't worry about it, he said he didn't even get along with her that much. Maybe he's just trying to show off somehow... meh. I hate it when they do this, it ruins things.

[Rose21]

Yeah deffinatly talk to him about that.

 

I mean, just because someone talks about their ex though doesn't mean the still love them or even miss them.

 

My boyfriend NEVER talks about any of his exs though, never even says anything unless I ask and there is absolutly no emotion.

 

I however, do talk about my most recent exes....It's not like I have any feelings for them whatsoever, its more of a just "I was at such a desperate time in my life, and I'm so glad to have you. I feel like I had to go through all of those losers to get the love of my life that you are"

 

Stuff like that.

[rentangel24]

I'm really grateful for the advice everyone

 

I was talking to my mom about it today, and both her advice and all of yours' helped put some things into perspective.

The only things that he says about her are negative other than him being attracted to her, which makes sense to me now. He wouldn't have been in a relationship with her if he wasn't somewhat attracted to her, and that's all our relationship had. Him and I on the other hand seem to have everything that him and her were lacking and then some.

 

I really appreciated what you said at the end of your post Rose21, I think a lot of him talking about her is just in appreciation for the relationship he has now.

 

And although I can never be 100% sure till I bring it up (which I may or may not depending on whether he brings her up again) I'm feeling better now.

[Rose21]

Lol yeah thats true.

 

I mean, I dated my ex for 2 months, and he was my 1st love and the guy I lost my virginity too. He was a 23 year old loser who didn't have a job, or a car, lived in an apartment with a 33 year old roomate who did hair and make up at Jaguars Gold club. We went to the Rave like every weekend, and he was an ex heroin addict, and would take like 40 bars at a time when I want to be in the FBI and have never touched a drug.

 

So when I talk about him, I am DEFFINATLY NOT in love or even remotely like him still. ugh. I am so greatful for my boyfriend now, even if we have to be apart for 5 weeks. Me and my ex talked for about the 1st month me and my boyfriend were together, but it was just like friends. Now we have completely drifted apart, and I denied contact when me and my boyfriend got really serious.

 

I mean, if I ran into my ex now it would make for a friendly conversation, but that would be all. and I would be bragging on how wonderful my boyfriend is. I hear he got cleaned up and moved in with his old fiance of a year, which is good, but I would want nothing more of him and that life again. Even as a friend.

 

So yeah, I talk about my past expriences, because I don't forget things and people and all of the guys of my past seem like nothing compared to my love.

[rentangel24]

My past relationship experiences definitely pale in comparison to his. He's not like a player or anything, but during a time he had plenty of gf's. The way he described it was he was with his ex for like 3 years on and off and on their off times he'd date other girls. My past experiences are like....one summer fling with an italian guy who was staying with my relatives...a fling with a guy who lived near by who ditched me for an ldr lol go figure. And then a very extended LDR with this guy I met online.

Whenever we talk about exes I'm like...."err...yeah well that italian guy...." i mean really. I have nothing to say. haha whatever.

 

He told me he's madly in love with me tonight. Like in the context of, "Yeah...I was just getting ready for bed and I had to call you cause I'm madly in love with you." And not the jokey way...the for real way. But he sort of mumbled it, which was a shame.

I just look forward to being able to tell and show him how much I care for him come october. It'll make this wait and all this anxiety worth it.

[Rose21]

Yeah well thats really good. I see mine at the end of September. I just need to be more positive and not focus so much on the negative!

[rentangel24]

Yeah. It's true. LDR's are so hard. You just have to keep positive and stay with friends. Talking about it helps too, obviously. lol