undercover007 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I've posted several times about my relationship with my now ex bf on these forums.. but ill give you a brief background. He was prince charming from the beginning.. almost too good to be true. Kind, loving, caring, charming, attractive, honest.. everything i ever wanted in a man. First 3 months were perfect.. but then i saw another side of him. He was possesive, controlling.. i should took these warning signs but i was blinded by love. The first 1 month he had already told me he loved me.. and i thought i did too.. maybe it was just infatuation. He would call me his future wife.. talk about getting married.. living together. But then he would get mad if i couldnt see him since i had work and school.. so i quit my job at the time to be able to spend more time with him. Then he started having trust issues.. and actually hacked into my online journal and read every entry about my past.. then broke up with me cause he didnt like how i had been with a bunch of other men before. Said he didnt want to be with a girl like me.. but we ended up getting back together. That was the first of our many breakups. In fact through out the whole relationship, he has broken up with me so many times that i cant even count nemore. And if things didnt go his way, he'd threaten to break up with me. He'd get mad if i wanted to go clubbing.. he got mad one time when i told him was at starbucks with my girl friend.. and he thought i was lying and that i was out with a guy.. and he broke up with me over that. Then i couldnt hang out with certain friends cause he thought they were too sl*tty. I pretty much put him his needs and wants first. I did EVERYTHING for him.. maybe that was my mistake.. but im sure if i didnt, he'd be mad. He became very verbally abusive. He's very selfish.. i now realize that he has almost all the traits of a narcissists. Not only was he selfish, but he was controlling.. and then later when i wanted to see him more.. he would call me too needy and then sometimes would break up with me for being too needy. He would also give me silent treatment for days sometimes weeks if he was mad or if we were broken up. He never wanted to talk about the issue. It drove me nuts when he did this to me.. it was like torture having him ignore me. I almost rather him hit me or something. We had numerous breakups..of course me stupidily begging him back each time. Only few times did he come back to me on his own. We had one major break up last yr around the same time.. it lasted for a month which was the longest breakup for us. It was really ugly and he threatened to call the cops.. but instead called my mom and told her that if i didnt stop calling, he'd call the cops and get a restraining order on me cause i kept calling him. I was devastated.. and he told me that i had no chance with him.. and that he would never be with me. That break up was devastating and i could not eat, sleep, or function. I almost wanted to drop out of my classes cause i couldnt do nething. I tried to finally move on, and deleted all the pics of him on myspace, removed all the things he gave me and nething that reminded me of him, and told myself i needed to move on with my life. Then a week later, he called me and acted like nothing happened.. and i asked what he wanted and he said that he wanted to see how i was doing. Then of course, we got back together and i really thought things would be different. But here i am again.. hes broken up with me AGAIN. But this one ended really ugly. It started as a small fight cause i caught him in a small lie. He turned it around and said that he wouldnt have to lie to me if i had given him space. I was so angry and upset that I said "I f***ing HATE YOU!" but through text msgs cause he wouldnt answer my calls. I would never dare say something like that to him cause i know how he is but i had so much anger built up from before that i couldnt hold it in. But we eventually talked it out and i decided to give him space. Then i caught him in another lie.. a small one but still a lie and I just blew up. I couldnt control myself.. normally i never talk back to him.. but i just accused him of being the biggest liar and that everything that comes out of his mouth is lie. I called him a cheater (although he didnt cheat) cause i was so angry. I said he was a cheater just like his dad. In fact, i think the reason my ex is even like this is because his dad is really messed up. And i also think he abused him when he was younger. Anyways, i said all the these things that were in my head and i couldnt stop for some reason. i was just so mad. Then he said i was crazy and didnt want to be with a crazy person like me. He turned everything around on me and made it to be my fault like always. yes i was wrong for lashing out on him, but i had so much built up anger from the past that it just all came out. So he broke up with me for that.. and said i accused him of things that i wasnt and that he cant be wtih me. I felt horrible afterwards and felt like maybe i was crazy.. and maybe it was all my fault. But he has said so many hurtful words to me but that didnt stop me from loving him. Its been almost a month now..and i never thought id be going thru this again with him. He threatened to call the cops on me again for calling. And now that he has a career (which i helped him get).. he tells me that if i show up at the restaurant he works at, he will have me prosecuted. I stupidly confessed by love for him and cried and begged.. i did everything u name it. Only to have him tell me that no it was the last straw (ive heard this many times before).. and that i shouldnt have accused him of being a liar and a cheater. I kept appologizing and told him i never meant it.. but no matter what i did, he didnt believe me. I'm crushed. I cant even describe the pain im in. I feel like dying. My mom saw me crying and she always told me that she knew he wasnt a good guy and that he was a selfish person. And all she ever sees is me crying and that i need to move on. I dont know how to move on.. weve been together 3 yrs. He was my first love.. my first everything. How can he just throw 3 years away? So many broken promises. Now that he has his career, hes too busy even to bother with me. Im the one that helped him get this job and this is how he treats me in return. I dont get men like these. How do i really move on? I feel like i cant. even though we're broken up, i still feel like hes still controlling my life.. i feel like hes haunting me and just smiling because hes got me where he wanted. Now all my self-esteem is gone.. and he knows how miserable i am but does he care.. no. He told me that he doesnt love me nemore.. but that he cares about me. If he cared about me.. he wouldnt hurt me like this.. or say hurtful words like this to me. Help me please.. i just want to be over with him. everything around me reminds me of him its so hard Link to comment
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