I cant let go when I know I should

[goodkarma_1]

Today is so hard and I am more depressed than ever. I've posted on here before and my apologies for sounding like a broken record but this is the only place I can turn to for advice.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years 5 months ago (he cheated and probably cheated throughout the relationship) It’s been hard however I am trying to move on as best I can. I have my ups and down days and I do try to get out with the very few friends that I have but nothing seems to work, its even worst because I come home and I realize how empty I feel to have no one. Lately it’s been a struggle to eat and sleep, I guess it’s the rejection I am feeling since I know he’s moved on for sure now and must have someone else occupying his time because he doesn’t even contact me anymore– ughhh, I feel like its day one again. I find myself thinking about him, what he’s doing, who’s he with and how much I miss him yet I hate him, I though I was on the road to recovery! I know I shouldn’t be thinking about these things and I try to concentrate my thoughts on something else…..harder said than done. I really feel that I’m slipping into depression – I don’t want this to change the person I am. As much as I try I feel like I can’t move on. It’s been awhile, I don’t know what’s wrong and it scares me. I don’t want to be clinging on to the thought of him, he has done me wrong and I should hate him for it yet I still love him! I gave him my ALL for him to ruin it and let go of everything we built together. yes he tried for a few months but trying after he screwed up isn’t good enough for me. I just don’t understand how he can do that and here I am trying to find answers and anything to sooth myself of this stress that I carry everyday while he is out having fun messing around (as I hear from mutual friends). Do people that rebound eventually cope with these feelings later in life? I was burned, yet I am the one feeling a great deal of pain. I know I shouldn’t sit here and understand his motives because he should be irrelevant now, but I can’t help it….a relationship that has been spent for 8yrs to all dwindle down to nothing in the end. What am I going to get out of this? Am I just weak minded? If there is no realization on his part or some kind of regret in time than I don’t understand life….

 

Thanks for listening…

[lapseinjudgement]

you sound like me not very long ago... i really feel for you and i do know where your coming from. I cant even imagine 8 years but i was in mine for 5 years and she cheated on me.

As far as them coming to grips with what they did later down the road... well i hope.

 

But your not alone. I know the feeling i would go out with friends and even if i had a blast i would drive home and just feel utterly alone. Id come home to a dark and empty house and felt horribly depressed.

 

Something kinda snapped in me a few days ago and i realized what lack of respect she could have for me to do such a horrible thing. There is NO, and i mean NO excuse for cheating. Dont try to make excuses i played that game and it only hurt more. I still hurt each day but its getting better because i feel that she didnt think of me when she hurt me so why should i spend my time thinking of her.

 

It works sometimes but listen if your ever feeling lonely please feel free to PM me, sometimes its just nice to have another person to talk to.

[StillSmiling]

Sorry for your pain ... we have or all in your shoes ...

 

Perhaps it is time to call in some professional help for a few sessiionsjust to get you back on track?

 

**Hugs**

[ugly-side]

I'm really sorry about what your going through. I feel your pain. I was with my ex-fiance for 7 years. I think something happens to us after that much time. The other person can seem like a drug, without him/her its not the same. Add to that, a horrible event, or series of events that can make your whole world come apart at the seems. HE made the choice, and you were strong enough to to say $uck off! Find that strenghth again, and don't let it go. Like so many others here, NC is the only solution. And unless you want to keep yourself in this shared hell of ours, youmay want to lett your mutal friends to not bring up the a$$hole, for your sake... Stay in touch, and breath...

[Kahdeksan]

Good karma, vent all you want in here that's what this place is for and why we're all here too, to learn from each other. Your relationship with your ex is in many ways almost the exact reflection of mine.

 

My ex cheated on me numerous times, one of them her cousin!! That almost killed me that did! It took a lot out of me to finally forgive her though. I used to think that to forgive someone you simple accept things as they are and then forget about them. That's a BIG no-no. Forgetting is not something that's engraved into our sub conscious mind, it's a mechanism for survival. To forgive, you have to forgive them, the ones they were with, and why it happened. Accepting the fact that there is, and was, nothing you could have done to prevent those circumstances from happening. Now when the memory or thought of her cheating on me gets mentioned it does nothing to anger me whatsoever.

 

You have a lot of pent up anger, and rightly so! He mistreated you and you accepted him back even though he did you wrong. But you should come to understand that keeping all this anger locked up inside of you isn't going to do anyone any good. You, your family or friends, and as a consequence they all suffer. Including you... As you have so.

 

His cheating and promiscuous ways during and after your relationship is not something that you can ever hope to control! In time, I do hope you'll come to realize this, as it is an IMPORTANT STEP to your recovery and to finally move on.

 

For weeks I couldn't understand why after all that I've forgiven her she still ended up leaving. I could not wrap my mind around it, and I'm a brilliant mathematic problem solver, only thing is this is not maths, but reality and all that encapsulates it. I read up on self awareness articles and whatnot to try and grasp all this... I finally have, and that is to accept things as they are, as hard as that may seem, but most importantly it is about acknowledging who we are and what we can do for ourselves to alleviate our pains.

 

Learning to let go, is one step closer to finding closure, we will not find it from our ex's. If we're to seek them for the answers we want, we'll never get them, and all that would entail is further confusion followed by anger with no resolute.

 

I don't know what you want to hear, but this is how I managed to cope with my fears and the loss of loosing someone I loved a great deal!

 

I hope, you'll learn to let him go, I hope by then you'll also set yourself free. I hope...