MrNiceguy76 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 My girlfriend and I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 3 months. We did move fast and we both knew that. She was as crazy about me as I am about her. She even called me Mr. Wonderful. She has always said that I spoil her and we had agreed to spoil each other which we both did. I'd mow her grass, wash her car, clean up around her house from time to time and she would cook for me, help clean my house, and rub my back and such. You know, things that people do for the one they love. I was sure that she loved me by the look in her eyes and the way she didn't want to let go of my neck when I would leave. She went through a divorce about a year and a half ago because he was unfaithful a couple of times after having some fame. His music is on the radio and his videos are on the tv. I know she sees and hears his songs and it upsets her sometimes. We went on vacation with each other and while we were gone she started to pull away. She's so sweet I know she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She has expressed that she needs some space and that she honestly doesn't know what she wants. I have been the first person she has had a relationship with that she has allowed her daughter to be around. I've even taken care of her for an afternoon. I know parents just don't let their child stay with anyone. She trusts me. I pretty much lived with her at her house these 3 months. I would stay the night with her when her daughter was with her daddy and would come home the nights that she was with her mother. We haven't had much time apart from one another. I haven't been this close to someone myself in 10 years. I really have grown to love her and her daughter after only 3 months! She said she need some space last week. I had to go by and get some of my clothes today and she expressed that she just wanted to date....take a step back.....that we moved really fast and that she allowed it to move that way. We both agree on that. I asked her if she felt like she was in a box and just needed to step out and she said that that was a good way to put it. I tried to ask her what I should expect. Asked her if I could see her next weekend, go to a movie or something, and I'll drop her off and not spend the night. She said maybe. I told her that she would need to call me for I don't know what she wants, and that I would not call her. She said that would be ok. I'm asking for opinions here from women. Do you think shes just trying to let me down easy and break it off for good? What do women usually mean when they say they "need some space". Any opinions on how to handle this situation? Link to comment
nikesnlevis Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 As hard as it is, you need to just give her that space. Because if you don't, you will surely push her away for good. It really sucks when you hear the words "i need space", but I've had it go both good, and bad. Do as you say, and let her contact you. Link to comment
Portage Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I agree with Nikesnlevis, the best thing you can do is honour her wishes. Making yourself less available will help her realize where her heart really lies. No games, just distance and time... Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 It's hard to say. Some people will say they need space or time to let someone down easily and to avoid confrontation. Others actually do need the space. The best thing you can do is give the all the space she wants and don't contact her any further. Only time will tell what she really means and in the meantime you have to keep busy and move on. I know how hard it is as I've been in a similar situation and I'm sorry you're going through this. Link to comment
MrNiceguy76 Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Thank you so much for the feedback and support. I have every intention on giving her the space she desires. It wasn't a couple of weeks ago when she would be missing me after only a day of not seeing her "there's been few of those". I can only hope that she gets in touch with the feelings she had before. She seemed soooo in love with me. I know she is a really good woman. That's why I've fallen in love with her. It is also why it makes it that much harder. ](*,) Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I agree with the others..you need to just leave her be and let her contact you. The space thing is quite common with relationships that start off very quickly. There has been no breathing room and no time to process emotions. Hanging on to your neck sounds more like clinginess. Often when things move very quickly it is because people are just so caught up in the fantasy and the relief of meeting someone so that they are no longer alone. Once it becomes "old hat" then they suddenly start reflecting on what is actually going on. What she will decide is anybody's guess. Just give her the time to sort this out. In the meantime I would suggest you carry on with your life and leave her be....and in the meantime, my landlord has not mowed the lawn in several months, nor cut the bushes...so if you are looking for a diversion, you can come up here and have a real challenging gardening experience!! LOL Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 For all intensive purposes your relationship with her is over. She has given you those classic lines that indicate that she does not want what she has at the moment. Learn from this situation and you will be fine. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Some people do it because they want to try to date other people, before they settle with you. Link to comment
MrNiceguy76 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 i think you two will be fine. you sound very in love. she was probably falling more and more and due to the fact that she had been previously burned she wants to pull back and get herself back again so she doesn't get hurt like she did last time. i find it very normal when two people start getting closer and closer that one or the other pulls back to regain autonomy and gather their head together and decide how they want to proceed. it reasserts boundaries, tests the integrity of the relationship and is a mode of stabilizing the self. Thank you... Even if things don't end up working out, hearing that makes it easier to make it through these next few days. I so hope so. I really do think she will come around if I just give her time. Her feelings seemed so strong for her not to. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I agree with the others..you need to just leave her be and let her contact you. The space thing is quite common with relationships that start off very quickly. There has been no breathing room and no time to process emotions. So true. It's best to leave her alone and let her come to you. Any pressure from you, pursuing, calling, texting, will only serve to push her further away.. I wouldn't be doubting that her feelings may have changed for you, or that she may be losing interest....sometimes that isn't the case. She is simply needing the 'space', before she can proceed to the next level of the relationship...she is likely just to be getting her head around events that happened thus far... Sometimes things can happen too quickly and it can be all overwhelming... I also agree with what Brianna says.... Link to comment
MrNiceguy76 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 So true. It's best to leave her alone and let her come to you. Any pressure from you, pursuing, calling, texting, will only serve to push her further away.. I wouldn't be doubting that her feelings may have changed for you, or that she may be losing interest....sometimes that isn't the case. She is simply needing the 'space', before she can proceed to the next level of the relationship...she is likely just to be getting her head around events that happened thus far... Sometimes things can happen too quickly and it can be all overwhelming... I also agree with what Brianna says.... Thats what I plan to do... Waiting sux. I'm trying to stay busy but the evenings are hard for I live alone. I can only hope she starts to miss the quality time we spent together... the little things. Sadly, one side of me knows that the reality is that her feelings may have changed for me. On the other side, when I try and put myself in her shoes, I find it hard to believe that such strong and mutual feelings can die so quickly over a 5 night vacation. At one point in the relationship, I actually felt as if she was more into me than I was her. I tried to match the love, appreciation, and affection that she showed me. I think that she did get scared of how fast things progressed between us. I also feel that since her ex husbands album has come out (right before our vacation), it has brought up a lot of emotions from her divorce. The songs reflect those times. Since he is the father of their child, I think it's somewhat natural to have desires of having their family together. Everyone who gets married for the right reasons plans to only get married once and stay with that person. She says she doesn't know what she wants right now. I don't think he knows what he wants right now. Some of his songs reflect some regret, and some reflect spite and a bit of anger. I feel that he was the one with a problem by cheating on her and trying to "fill holes" if you will, because he wasn't happy in his marriage or with himself. After getting to know her, I find it hard to believe that she was a bad wife and pushed him to do it. (not that that would be any good excuse for doing what he did if that had been the case) She's just to good of a woman. With that being said, when i put my self in her position, I would think that she would have a hard time ever trusting him again after cheating on her twice. Especially when his job requires him to be on the road and being in his position is going to attract a lot of temptation. On a somewhat positive note, while I was typing this, she text messaged me to let me know that a couple we met on our vacation had e-mailed her some pictures of us and that she was going to go ahead and e-mail them to me. At least she's making some kind of contact with me. I'm still not going to call her though. I'm giving her space and then some. Link to comment
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