h0pelessr0mantic Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Ok this is going to be my final post until I make a final decision about my current situation. Please respond, this has been keeping me up at night and I really need some feedback (i know that i have made alot of posts, but please bear with me). I really don't know if i should break up with him or not. Alot of people are telling me I should, but lately I have seen some minor changes in him. He quit drinking and drugs and his behaviour has gotten better. I keep thinking that maybe he will change. I'm also afraid of letting go and venturing into a new world, I think I have gotten too comfortable in my current situation. The idea of dating again scares me because I hate the idea of not knowing if your feelings are reciprocated. Although my boyfriend may not have the correct idea of love, I know that he does love me in his own definition of it. I'm pretty sure that although he may cheat on me, he will never leave me, unless i do something that he doesn't like. arrghhh see thats what angers me. A part of me thinks he will never leave me but a part of me thinks that is only because right now i basically do everything that he asks of me so he really has no reason to leave. Its just so up and down this relationship. I am also thinking about the future too. He is unemployed and hasn't really been able to hold a steady job or even finish school courses for the entire time that we have been together. For the most part he has been unemployed and it really does put a strain on our relationship since I go to school and work whenever I can. He just doesn't understand how hard it is and we constantly get into fights because he always wants me to go and see him but i can't and when i tell him to visit me he doesn't. Thats another problem with our relationship. He really doesn't go out of his way for me. He doesn't visit me, he always expects me to go see him and when i do he always asks me to do all these things for him like make him drinks (which is sometimes ridiculous because he will request me to do something like mix lime juice with water and sugar and put 3 ice cubes in the cup, and he always does this!), clean, cook etc. Sometimes he will go to the fridge, get something, and then ask me to go and fix his dog some food even though he is closer to the fridge!!! He also likes to blame everything on me. If his dog is sick, i fed it something bad. If she won't go poo on her walks, I did something the last time i did him a favour and walked her. If he's sick, i somehow infected him. He just can't accept that he has a problem. He even blames his smoking habits on stress that i supposedly cause him. Its just so frustrating that i just want to throw things and scream!!! he says i'm mean to him and never tell him how much i love him, but its kind of hard to tell someone how much you love them when they disappear on you and then call you 4 hours later and act like they did nothing wrong. By that time i'm too upset and i really dont feel like telling him i love him. I'm also still sooo hurt by his cheating and him going onto those internet sites. I had caught him doing it before (like 6 months into the relationship), questioned him and told him i found it through his internet history. He started to delete his history. Then i caught him again, through another method of looking through internet history, he apologized and then started to delete that as well. Finally I had to really dig deep and found out again that he was on those sites!!!! Now i have no idea of finding out if he goes on those types of sites because he most likely doesn't use his own computer for them. Or maybe he is using his phone, which i have no way of knowing who he is calling since he could always say it is his mothers friend (he lives with his mother). I really can't keep playing detective anymore, i'm so sick of it!!! I also find it soo sick that he could spend all his time on these websites, making these profiles and talking to these women but when it comes to talking to me, he is always too busy. We never really carried out a real conversation. Usually its the normal, what are you doing, how was your day, but nothign more. Even in the beggining of the relationship all we ever did was just say stuff like: i love you, i miss you, i can't wait to see you. But never really deep meaningful conversations. Despite all this I still love him and there are still things that he does that I love. He does call me everyday, we mostly say i love you at the end of phone calls, he loves to cuddle with me, he makes me feel wanted (like he'll say stuff like: whenever you leave I sleep hugging your pillow because it smells like you), and he is not afraid of getting married (although he might be involved in extramarital activities). I just don't know!!! I also like the fact that i am completely comfortable around him being myself. As in i can say anything and it won't matter. I can also go and see him without washing myself, in the dirtiest clothing and with no makeup on and feel comfortable. I really like that about our relationship. So there are some good aspects that i am not ready to give up. But is this really enough? i feel like i am missing out on alot. All i do really is school, work and see him. When i do see him we mostly stay in and watch tv. He doesn't take me out and he doesn't permit me to go out later than 10pm. I want to go to bars and clubs and live a little! He still goes out with his friends and i know of several occasions where he has lied to me to go out places. But lately i don't think he has been doing that, but i don't know how long it will last. What do i do????? I am thinking that the next time he goes out late at night and disappears, that the next night i should do the same. He will mostly likely be furious with me and break it off. Then he will disappear for a day and call me the next day to get back together. At which time i will say my final goodbye. what do you guys think? should i give him a chance to change...even though he hasn't in 3 and a half years?? or should i walk the next time he does something? Link to comment
civilservant Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Personally I would have walked LONG before now. What do you see in him thats positive?it sounds to me there isn't much to keep you there, aside from the fear of being alone. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 If it crosses your mind to break up thats what you want. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 You're "pretty sure he'll cheat on you, but won't leave you."? He is giving you exactly what you're telling him you'll settle for. Not to sound harsh, but as long as he has you as his puppet, he'll never hold a job, or change his ways any time soon. Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 He sounds like a cheat and a moocher who needs a serious wakeup call. He's mooching off you and his mother and needs a serious kick up the backside. I would remove myself from his life as you enable his behaviour. Link to comment
h0pelessr0mantic Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 But do any of you think that there is a chance of him changing? Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 But do any of you think that there is a chance of him changing? Life is just fine with him, why would he want to change? Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Flip a coin ......but follow your heart I always say ...... Link to comment
snowstorm Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 _______________________ Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I actually had to do what Snowstorm just did ...... Link to comment
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