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Trying to figure this out.


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So, my girl left me about 4 or 5 days ago.


It all started about 2 months ago, she gets pregnant, we are forced to have an abortion for very personal reasons. So fast forward to about a week before the abortion, her and i are both having a difficult time w/ it, being overwhelmed with my problems and hers paired with the emotional hardship that an abortion brings i blow up.


I tell her that the way she has been acting towards me is making me feel like i dont want to love her anymore (i said this out of hurt and i completely did not mean it) and i really emotionally bring her down to a worse place out of my hurt...i decide to give her the cold shoulder for a few days while i work things out which very obviously makes me a complete * * * * * * * at this time in her life and she ignores me for 3 days, after which telling me that the relationship is over and now im being ignored.


She is so mad at me right now, i texted her asking her to call me so i can atleast understand her reasoning and have a little closure about it. Ive been telling her its ok, im sorry, i didnt mean it, i was hurting, i take it back, but its all too late to her...our relationship has been rocky at times in the past year 1/2, ive talked casually to another girl and been caught and havent talked to anyone else since. We were talking about marriage, we even had 3k saved to move out and start a life. She always told me how i made her life better, i showed her God and since she has been studying the bible w/ my closest family friend.


She has some new friends that influence her heavily, infact shes fallen back into her drug use and hanging out with bad friends again. These new friends egg her on and tell her what an ass i am, they dont know 1% of whats really going on.


So sorry for the wall of text but i have to know...she told me today i wont "wait for her", ive been waiting for her ever since i met her, she still lives at home and just graduated high school, she thought i wouldnt wait for her to graduate, i saw her once a month but i waited through it. Shes saying she doesnt want me ever again, she doesnt want to talk to me for a LONG time and she doesnt care...i know ive put her through the ringer and caused most of the pain by my ignorance. I made a few mistakes and i want her back, i was looking for some help knowing whats going on in her mind...i dont want to move on, i really want to wait for her to calm down but from what shes said even when she does she cannot be in a relationship w/ me again.


Advice please...what should i do? anyone experience this before? Im going to NC w/ her starting today because i must. Is this anger or what?


Edit: I talked to her on the phone today when i got this info. The last thing i said was how badly i felt...i mustve apologized 300 times over the course of our 51 minute conversation. All i said was how right she was and how wrong i was and i wished so much that i could make it better. When she told me she had been doing drugs every day since our split that hurt the most, thinking that my actions drove her to that is really bad. Anyways, help please! Im ready for NC as its a must i just want to go into it w/ hope, if you think there is none then please let me know!

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From what I understand you are saying she is taking drugs and is pregnant.


I think the first priority here is the little on growing inside of her. I think you need to call her family and explain to them that you screwed up badly, and ask them to try to talk to her.

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im sorry, the abortion was completed on thursday, i left that out. She has replaced me w/ her new friend, she told me i couldnt even come to keep her company, her new friend went...that hurt alot, made me feel like a little girl. I have called her mom, talked to her, she suggested i give time but her mom and her sisters all agree w/ her decision to leave me, except they dont know about her new habit of studying the bible OR her pregnancy/abortion...sooo, the biggest details are left out of their opinions.

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Every situation is unique because every person is unique. I wouldn't dare to give advice in your situation; I lack the necessary experience. But I will tell you this: from what I read here it sounds like she decided to do drugs as a way to lighten the pain of the messed up situation. You shouldn't blame yourself for that. Also do her parents know about her drug usage?

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No, she has 2 sisters 28 and 26 who feed her habit, her mom doesnt know but does know about her past usage. Since i have been with her she hasnt done anything, not once. She is using to lighten her pain of having to have an abortion, breaking up with me, and dealing with her problems from her childhood. She deals with so much pain, i have made it worse, for that she feels like she hates me right now. Even if/when she can talk to me or forgive me she told me she will never look at me the same again, after what i did she cannot be in relationship with me ever again...

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The past year 1/2 wasnt the problem, it was the 2 weeks leading to the abortion, yes we have had problems in the past, but we havent had any problems recently other than the one stated.


Well, its not her fault, i accepted responsibility for my actions and if this is her decision i told her i respect it and understand. She is justified in action. NC, yes i know this but what i dont know is what is going on in her head? is this something you could say she might be doing out of anger towards me for the way i chose to react to the pressure? All i want to know is whether or not you all think there is hope for me...thats all i want is hope, i can wait w/e it takes, i love her dearly im just worried about her right now so much and i want to be with her again...

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Yea, true that.


So what do you guys think? i know its impossible to say but has anyone been through something similiar? Do you guys think that this is anger or what? She knows that the problem we have is nothing someone else hasnt overcome. Its definetely fixable.

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by the way, she seemed very sure of herself when she said she wanted to break up...her friend said there is probably no chance of her reconsidering...this worries me alot, does that mean anything? she thinks i think she will come back because i told her a week or so ago that she would be calling me back before she hung up on me, which is when she started ignoring me...she feels like a dog to me, i think shes always going to be coming back, we have never broke up before so its not like an off/on relationship or anything...these massive problems all spawned from her being pregnant + me being a jerk + her new friends telling her things + her anger + me hurting her + everything else + accepting and dealing w/ the abortion.

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Mind if I ask why ya had the abortion, besides the fact of being so young. So she wanted it but was forced???


I think if your being such a pshhhy no offense and giving her the thought that you will take her back, then she will go do her thing and think you'll just take her back. You should really do the no contact.

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im doing the no contact.


I want her to know i will be here because if/when she comes back it wont be a game, if she wants me back i told her i would wait for her, i deserve being ignored right now and will accept w/e it is she wants to give to me. I wont ignore her phone calls/texts etc. my goal is to get her to understand my mistake was out of stress and being overwhelmed not my true feelings. People say things they dont mean when they are angry. If im going to get her back it will be because her and i both want it...she is prideful so admitting she was wrong/wanting to work out a problem she may have is very hard for her to admit. I can wait.


Her parents are muslim, very hardcore muslims, her physical health is in danger if her parents found out. Shes been in an abusive household since her father got out of prison when she was 13?

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thats what im banking on...she does truly love me, we both know this...she doubts i love her, the last 3 weeks have been crazy and have made her feel like i dont love her, teamed with me not convincing her of my love and being a complete ass at the wrong times, she is justified...i deserve it all.


but yes, true love does conquer but i guess time will tell if shes willing to let love conquer

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this is KILLING ME...i see nothing but her saying how things are going to be ok, "broken but picking up the pieces"...everything on her myspace says things are going to be just fine...HOW HOW HOW...shes smoking pot every day to take the pain away, she just broke up with the person who in her words makes her a better person...and shes excited about the future, ready for a change. HOW can things be ok after what just happened thurs (abortion) and after she just broke up with me the night before, shes in the worst position shes ever been in life, things are going to be ok??? opinions please...i need hope.


"life will be okay... no matter what horrific event i've gone through, somehow i always know i'm going to be okay. everybody asks why i started at the end and worked back to the beginning...the reason is simple; i couldn't understand the beginning until i had finished the end. * * * * redemption. "


"don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. loneliness is the human condition. no one is ever going to fill that space. the best you can do is know yourself... know what you want."


These things are what make NC a long hard road...things like this make me think i have no chance.

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it was 7 1/2 weeks...i realize a part of it may be the hormonal activity that comes with being pregnant.


You know i have wanted to place the blame on so many different things...but it doesnt change the reality, she told me this when we talked this morning. "for every action there is an opposite but equal reaction." that really said it to me, i * * * * ed up so badly that she is willing to endure whatever pain breaking up with me will bring for however long she has to deal with it to get out of the relationship. Ive felt no deeper pain, even when the last one of 2 years broke up with me, it wasnt half as bad. I considered her to be my wife, i had made the commitment, for her to do this for me was unthinkable, our relationship was NEVER that bad, there werent any problems that would make me so unbearable she had to leave me...i just feel so blindsided.


Edit: i made a myspace, even though i think they are rediculous and drama creating machines, i made one. I added her as a friend but i have absolutely no desire to talk to her...good idea? not good? i know i shouldnt even be looking at hers, its easy to post how happy you are and how your life is great on myspace, which is the only thing i have to go on...

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