MemoriesDust Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 My relationship ended on Tuesday. It was initiated by my other half (as I had anticipated) with the words "I'm not sure that this is working for me"... I agreed, that it wasn't working for me either (considering the 3 weeks of hell I'd just been through with her ignoring me), and well, a minute or so later we were telling each other to take care, and be happy, etc. I've been in NC ever since, except we post on the same support site, and I am reluctant to give it up. I have blocked her profile/blog etc., so I don't stop my healing, but I've generally just been getting on with it, having a laugh with the people I know on there, being my flirtatious self, and well I stumbled accross some of her posts this morning and it's all about her wondering if she'd been a fool?? And her signature is about how you build your life around heroes, and then you truly see them for what they are, and it's all a lie. Basically I feel like she's becoming bitter because I'm not hauled up somewhere crying my eyes out. Yes, I'm hurting, but I've also gotta get on with my life. Why the heck is throwing thinly veiled accusations that my character is vapid, that I'm fake or visceral??? Is this normal? M&D Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Well you would have to define normal .......and that is tricky nowadays You did not stumble on her posts, you were looking for them of course ..... And you found a few ...... You're getting on with your life, I think you are very wise in doing that ...and God bless in such a short period of time ...... Bitter .....I really think both parties go through a short stage of bitterness and to define normal .....yes being bitter is normal as long as you don't act on it in revenge .......these are the stages of breaK-up sadness, anger, denial, fear, depression and guilt ....I think the bitterness falls under anger....... sounds like you're doing great ......God bless all us broken hearts Link to comment
Meatyka Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I have noticed the Dumper does become more bitter and nasty then the person who got dumped. Although both are bitter and such. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Its like you said: she's bitter. Who cares? She's just making cheap shots b/c things haven't gone her way. I've done it before. Just ignore her. Also, its all about control. She wanted to control you in a sense and when you showed you can move on, she probably didn't like that...probably hurt her pride. I don't think she's right, but I also don't blame her b/c I've been guilty of the same behaviour post-breakup. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Yes, she is. My ex was bitter when he broke up with me and I didn't really respond. So his msn names would be cheap shots at me. When I gave in and stuff, he took me for one hell of a ride just to feed his ego then dump me. Don't give in under ANY circumstances. It's only for their stupid ego. Link to comment
blackandgold Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 A breakup is just as hard on both people, it's ending something that once meant alot to both parties and I think the dumper has just as much of a right to be bitter. Link to comment
Meatyka Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Your wrong, why should the dumber has the right to be bitter, breaking up is one thing, but also being bitter to the person is not needed. Link to comment
blackandgold Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Your wrong, why should the dumber has the right to be bitter, breaking up is one thing, but also being bitter to the person is not needed. I don't think anyone needs to be bitter about any relationship but I think if the dumped person has the right to be bitter so should the dumper. Sometimes relationships just don't work and both people are hurt by if just as much. Being the one with the guts to end it doesn't mean you're any less affected....it's differnt in every situation but I think in general it's just as hard for the dumper and the dumped. Link to comment
Meatyka Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Well, yer i can understand what you mean. But the person who got dumped is usually the one to be hurting more, and if the dumper is being harsh and bitter to them, its going to hurt alot more. Knowing the girl/boy you once cared for is like that. Link to comment
blackandgold Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Yeah, I get that. I just don't get why it's always the dumped person who everyone feels bad for. Link to comment
Meatyka Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Because even though the dumper is going through a bad time and may not like it. The one who got dumped, got dumped by the person he or she cares about alot, even loves. And it hurts knowing they dont want to be with you more. Much worse feeling then some one who wants to do the dumping imo. Link to comment
blackandgold Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I suppose I wouldn't understand it seeing as I've never been dumped, been cheated on but never dumped lol. I feel like it's a whole differnt story if it's been like 6 months or 3 years. I don't know sometimes I don't think I feel the compassion I should for people because half the time I'm just thinking to myself god get over it already. Link to comment
Meatyka Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Most people do only think of them selves to being with. Then gradually after time they start caring what the other person thinks. Most importantly is to get over it yourself first before anything else. Just dont do it in a mean way to your ex ^^ Lesson learnt there on my behalf Link to comment
Gratsy Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Yeah, I get that. I just don't get why it's always the dumped person who everyone feels bad for. When you get dumped, you'll understand. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I'll respond to this in earnest a little later, but my short hand response is that the dumper feels anguish too, and the fact that you seemed to weather your pain well makes them bitter because you didn't seem to suffer like they did. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 You obviously want to play games or you would not be on the same msg board. My ex and i posted on the same board and I stopped posting there. It's easy, out of site, out of mind and no head games. And of course she's bitter, breaking up is heartache for both people. Sounds like you're happy she's bitter and that's cool, but time to let it go Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Thanks for your replies people. And no, I do not want to play games, but I will not leave a place that I feel is home to me. I have not/will not mention her in any of my posts. Nor will I. I guess I will have to have better willpower in terms of ignoring her posts. I'm working on that M&D Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 Okay... The subtle hints are become more blatant, I feel like she's attempting to destroy my character and basically "win" our mutual friends. I really thought she was above such childish behaviour, but apparently not. Any advice on how to deal with it? I'm currently being the bigger person and just ignoring it, but I have to admit, it does sting, especially if said friends start believing her. M&D Link to comment
ugly-side Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 I've been in NC ever since, except we post on the same support site, and I am reluctant to give it up. I have blocked her profile/blog etc., so I don't stop my healing, but I've generally just been getting on with it, having a laugh with the people I know on there, being my flirtatious self, and well I stumbled accross some of her posts this morning and it's all about her wondering if she'd been a fool?? And her signature is about how you build your life around heroes, and then you truly see them for what they are, and it's all a lie. M&D I was just thinking about NC, and all the little ways we can bend it just for that little bit of satisfaction, or to become more hurt. It seems like having access to all her posts is keeping you connected. You found a NC loophole. I know communication is technically two way, but you still are finding the news and reacting to new things your ex is still saying. I'm not sure if thats good or bad. My ex's little brother is my best friend, and I haven't spoken to him in a week, cause he just brings her up, or tries to find a way to get us back together somehow (now its our annual Fantasy Football league we all used to play in). Link to comment
ugly-side Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Okay... The subtle hints are become more blatant, I feel like she's attempting to destroy my character and basically "win" our mutual friends. I really thought she was above such childish behavior, but apparently not. Any advice on how to deal with it? I'm currently being the bigger person and just ignoring it, but I have to admit, it does sting, especially if said friends start believing her. M&D Dwelling on such things is ultimately negative for both of you, your doing good by "keeping the high ground". What else can you do? Your character can only be destroyed by YOUR actions, not HER words. If your "friends" don't eventually see that, then what kind of friends are they? Link to comment
Gratsy Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 When I broke up with my ex, he bad mouthed me. I didn't really let it bother me. My real friends know me and if someone lets some stupid ex say things about me, then let them leave: they're not worth having. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Once long ago, I asked my ex Lauren if breaking up with a guy sucked. If she was the one dumping him. She seemed sad and flat out told me, "Yes, it does..." Say you end something with someone, you decide you don't want to get back with them. But you still feel something, you still feel emotions, still feel the desire to have them near you. Your mind could point to a thousand reasons why it would never work, but your body and emotions want them near because they've learned to accept someone else. The mind, body and soul are not always in tandem. In fact, very rarely are they ever, hence we are in strife. Take a look. Read how many posts where a person ended things with their significant other, but still turned around and wanted them near? "I want to be friends," for example. People are bitter because a side of them is jealous. Jealous of the fact that you seemed to move on, that you've gotten over the emotions you've had for them, or at least seem to. Remember, actions speak louder than words. They still have emotions for you, why does that not seem to be echoed? Were they nothing to you? Some people take solace in that for as bad as they feel, at least the other person feels that as well. The other person has some empathy, after all. Some people want the rain. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Yes it happens a lot. They don't get the reaction they wanted and get bitter and petty. I have even see posters here get upset when they dump their partner and the partner isn't pining away in a hole crying. It's selfish. Ignore her. Link to comment
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