My friend tried to commit suicide last night (This is kind of long, but please help me)

[ElasticMagnetic]

I guess I better start from the beginning

 

Here's what happened. It all starts around 7 P.M.

 

He was getting tipsy with our friend Rhonda at his house for a while before deciding to go out for a walk. Meanwhile, I'm getting ready to go to Orbit with my other friends when Olga comes by and says "Alex and Rhonda are on the way to your house." Sure enough, I look over her and see them down my street. Alex had an awkward step in his walk. He shouts "Hi Heather!" and waves. I knew he wasn't sober.

 

We hang out in front of my driveway for a little bit. Rhonda was acting a little more tipsy than she actually was, probably because she feels like she doesn't fit in with us, and Alex had a drunk slur. They hand me this gatorade bottle that had a red liquid in it. I smell it and they say "You're probably not going to like it", saying it was a vodka mix or something. I take a curious drink, dying inside a little. Olga yells at me for doing something so reckless. (Let me make a note that Rhonda, Olga, and I are 15 going on 16, and Alex is 17 I think. So we're all underage. Olga and I really aren't into stuff like that, but Rhonda is suddenly into it and Alex does it from time to time.) They had been drinking that for a while.

 

Eventually our friend Caitlyn finally comes by and picks me and olga up. We say goodbye to the other two and drive away.

 

We were skating at Orbit for about an hour before we started getting phonecalls from their parents. We started calling them, but they would pick up. Rhonda was ignoring her phone, and Alex's was off. When Rhonda DID pick up, she decided to be a dumbs**t with her tasteless humor.

 

"Hello..?"

"Rhonda? Where are you guys?"

"I don't know." and then she'd hang up. She did this 6 times.

 

 

We sit at a table worried when we get phone call from Rhonda. I pick up the phone and she's crying. I ask her to calm down and she tells me what they'd been doing.

 

She was hanging out with 'Laz' (that's what we call him) at the park by Caitlyn's house for a while, then sat by Palitine road before deciding to walk to another park down the street. They stayed there a little bit before deciding to head back to Alex's house. Now apparently he'd been saying every now and then througout the day that he wanted to kill himself. At one point he says that he's going to kill himself and it will be all Rhonda's fault. This upsets and scares Rhonda, so she turns back and starts walking towards her house.

 

I told her it wasn't her fault at all (because it really wasn't and he was just saying it was) and to call us back as soon as she gets home.

 

 

We keep in touch with his girlfriend through text and keep trying to call Alex. While we're waiting outside for our ride to pick us up, she texts Olga saying "HE'S TAKING HIS SLEEPING PILLS! YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!"

 

But what could we do? We were miles away from his house. We didn't even know the exactly where he lived. We only had our phones. So we started calling him. He didn't pick up.

 

Carly, his girlfriend, texts us back 15 minutes later saying she called his house and told his mom what was going on.

 

He was taking sleeping pills with alcohol, but his mom stopped him. She talked with him for a little afterwards, cried, and he went to sleep. I felt better knowing he wasn't going to die, but I still couldn't sleep that night. I stayed up until 1:30, thinking about what I'll say to him.

 

 

 

I then saw him today. When I saw him standing on the corner waiting for Olga and I, I ran up to him and hugged him. He tried to run away a little and struggled, joking around as if he were his average self. I hated it, but I didn't say anything.

 

He told us about what happened, or at least what he could remember. He remembered his father beating him up, punching him in the leg and chest a few times and pulling him out of bed by his hair, but he didn't really feel it because of the pills and alcohol. It was only when he started to cry that his dad stopped. His dad hugged him and told him he wouldn't bother him about school anymore. (His dad always says he's going to drop out of school and calls him a failure a lot. He thinks it will help him build charecter. Alex is strong enough not to physcally break, but he has so much dislike for himself. He doesn't think we are his friends. When we say we are, he's like "I know your lying." but not in an angery way. He does it as if shrugging off a joke on him or something. It makes me very sad.)

 

We then walked to Caitlyn's house and drove to the mall to hang out. His friend came along, and we enjoyed the day walking around, but it wasn't all as it seemed.

 

I text him at one point saying 'How are you feeling today? Really?' and he responds 'Like I want to kill myself'. Even though I've been suicidal in the past, even though I've felt the exact same way before, I still didn't know what to say.

 

 

Things will never be the same way. It's hard to even say something to him because I want to talk about this seriously, but I can't if he keeps shrugging it off like this! I want to tell him how I know how it feels, how I've been there, and that I want to help, but he keeps shutting me out.

 

What do I do? How do I handle this? :sad:

[Aver]

Keep being his friend. Stay by his side while he goes through this. You can't force your way into helping someone. They need to help themselves first. When he's ready to talk, he'll talk.

[amipushy]

The best thing you can do is not keep on about it. Be upbeat and make him laugh and bring some fun to his world. Don't presure him.

 

You are not his counsellor, do not try even to get him to open up to you so you can make him better, it might make him worse. Only trained professionals should even attempt to counsell someone and it takes years to training for the counsellor to be able to do that using tried and trusted techniques. And it can take years of therapy for the counselled to make a difference. Don't open a hole that you can't close ok.

 

Be his friend, that's what he needs from you.

[Pocket Rocket]

Hi ElasticMagnetic,

 

This is a really terrible thing to go through, to feel like you have no control, that a friend of yours could end it all and there is little you can do. Well you can do something. I agree with what Aver has said, stick by his side, be there, make sure he knows you are there when he needs you. When he talks just listen, really listen to what he says. Don't make suggestions on how to fix things, he needs to figure that out on his own. The one temptation we all have when we go through something similar is to say we know how they feel, but they may not feel that way.

 

Try to bring the issue up in conversation when they two of you are alone, maybe start by sharing your experience and perhaps he will open up about his. Only do that if you are comfortable with it. Don't give him a lecture on how he is wrong, it will only make him feel more guilty. If he gives off signals that he is uncomfortable, change subject. It is hard to speak to someone who makes a joke of serious situations, but if you stick by him and see his deflecting behaviour for what it is (a defense mechanism) then you are doing well by your friend.

 

If he gives clear signals that he wants to end his life TELL AN ADULT IMMEDIATELY. Don't take it as a joke.Tell his parents if you have to. Never promise someone who is suicidal that you will never tell anyone. He may hate you for it for a while but it could save his life.

 

The good people at ENA are putting together a thread with stories from people who have all been touched by suicide at some point in their lives. Maybe both you and your friend would gain something from reading other people's stories.

 

I wish you luck and I hope your friend stays safe.