I know it's illogical for me to still like him, but...

[illogical]

[sorry, it's kind of long]

 

Ok so I go to this sleepaway camp for 3 weeks each summer (i've been going for 4 years now) and I sort of keep the same circle of friends each summer. Last year our friend Nate was sort of nerdy, and just kinda there (no one really paid much attention to him) but he came back this year and, I really don't want to sound shallow, but holy moly he got really hott. And I sort of started liking him, for more reasons than his looks, don't get me wrong. Then about half way through the 3 weeks everyone sort of knew (including him) and we found out that he liked our friend Becca. Honestly though, I can't blame him. She's a really nice person, an amazing singer and actress and I just know she's going to be famous one day. I seriously don't know how I thought I could compare to her.

 

But nonetheless I still liked him. And then cruise night came (the third to last night at our camp we go on a cruise through the boston harbor, it's sort of like a big dance on a boat) and every 5 minutes he would be asking "Where's Becca?" "Do you know where Becca is?" "Have you seen Becca?" and then I found out from my roommate and friend that he had asked her to Cruise Night with him. I guess this was like the straw that broke the camel's back for me, so to speak. I knew that he liked her, and that she did NOT like him and would never do that to me, but still just the fact that he would still ask her knowing all this was like a giant stab in the chest. Needless to say I spent the rest of that night in tears.

 

For the about the next day I was completely over him. I know i'm being selfish and shallow here, but I was awed by the fact that a guy could be so rude as to still ask her to go with him when he knows the answer is no and he knows it was going to hurt me.

 

(Keep in mind this is all over the course of 3 days- though at this camp time seems to move slower.) Slowly we started to talk to each other again, swallow our pride and ignore the awkwardness. I knew he felt terrible about making me cry, so I didn't want to push the issue. Then on the last night after showing the end of camp slide show we had a short 45 minute dance, and of course they played the usual one slow song. (Beautiful by Christina Augilera- the typical unromantic slow dance). And to my serious shock he asked me to dance with him, though the way he said it made me positive it was out of pity for me. Like he knew I wanted to dance with him, and I wouldn't say no.

 

At that moment my disgust at him for hurting me on cruise night meant absolutely nothing. It was also my first slow dance with anyone besides a joking girl friend.

 

It was obviously not a serious dance, we talked through the whole thing; the cliche song choice, how we were both going to cry when everyone leaves the next day, etc.

 

Then of course the next day every leaves, we cry, hug, say goodbye. And then we were texting while I waited in the airport and he drove home. My plane was going to board soon so I made the snap decision to just out right ask him so I wouldn't be stressing over it on the ride home while my phone was off. I texted him saying "Ok, so I have to turn my phone off soon so i'm just going to ask this, and be honest: was that dance last night a pity-dance?" and his exact responce was "Idk, Monica [my roommate] was yelling at me and you looked sad and i'm just tired of everyone being upset." so basicallly i took this as obviously a pity dance.

 

Now I know that from all of this it would be extremely stupid for me to still like him. I know for a fact he doesn't like me, and ultimately feels SORRY for me. So why do I still like him? I text him constantly and we talk daily so it's not like i have no idea what he's up to. The topic of me still liking him hasn't come up since that text from the airport. I don't know if I should talk to him about it, or just ignore everything and see what happens next year at camp, or what.

 

In case anyone needs to know for an answer, I'm 14 (going into 9th grade).

 

Huge thank you to anyone who could offer some advice, or words of wisdom.

[Supa_gurl]

More guys like him will come and go... I don't think you are being illogical. you are simply being 14. It's a crush and as time passes you will slowly forget about him and when school starts, the new guy will be your next crush. And soon the fella from camp will be a distant memory (until of course next summer).