MilesDyson Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Ok, I think i have a problem, maybe i dont. Here goes: I was in a relationship for 3 years with someone who basically didnt do much (or try to match my involvement/effort) in bed. Now, I can say without ego, or reservation, Im pretty good in bed. No, im highly skilled in bed. But here's my problem. Now that im not with my ex, im having the best sex i've EVER HAD! BUT! It takes FOREVER for me to climax! The woman im with now, matches, or supassess me in effort. Am I just used to taking full control to finish myself off? What the hell do I do, to "let go" and let her "take care of me"?? Again, the sex is amazing, but time and again it takes a really long time, and I'd like her to have the satifaction of giving me what i give her. You know? Its all in my head, that's obvious. Ive tried not thinking about it, but im pretty sure after 3 years of being with an absolute prude, (it took a couple drunken nights to convince her that doggystyle was an actually option for non porn stars...) It has been dugg in pretty deep that i HAVE to be in control to climax. HELP!!!! -MD Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Have you tried talking to her? She can't read your mind. Your a strong man, take over. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hm, just let go my friend and ENJOY! Link to comment
greywolf Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 I suggest telling her what you like. And couldn't you be in control sometimes? Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Oh yeh, I do hear you need to relax, but thats for females.. Link to comment
MilesDyson Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 thanks for the input. I definitely tell her what i like, and take control. If you could imagine two people dancing where both people take turns leading, there you go. I guess over time things will change, and she's pretty understanding of things as they are. ( i dont like bringing up past relationships, so there isnt much insight into that) should i bring that up? I dont want to come off like, "id rather you just lay there and be boring." I just want to be "normal". The past experience issues are all unconscious. Though i wonder sometimes why i stayed with my ex so long, haha. Thanks again, -MD Link to comment
Dr Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 If you'll excuse the language... Ram harder, faster, deeper. Link to comment
MilesDyson Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 If you'll excuse the language... Ram harder, faster, deeper. Done, Done, and DONE! She loves all of it! Point is, I'd still like her to "take the wheel to get me off" I like the fact that I can give her multiple O's and everything feels great. I just cant get there unless im the one doing all the work! Link to comment
mandyc Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 well make it that way one night.... tie her up, tell her not to move or touch you. Link to comment
MilesDyson Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Im sorry, but it seems like some of you dont understand. I dont have a problem with taking control of sex. No problems with THAT. My problem is that if i dont have control of it most of the time, I cant "finish". So I want to know what i can do to "let her" take control, and still climax. Link to comment
KISSKISS Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 If you'll excuse the language... Ram harder, faster, deeper. hahahahahahahaha Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I think you're making this a problem. It's obviously going to take some adjusting with a new partner but time, trust and talking will fix this. Link to comment
MilesDyson Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 I think you're making this a problem. It's obviously going to take some adjusting with a new partner but time, trust and talking will fix this. Thanks. I'll keep you updated. Link to comment
Nixee Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Do you have a problem climaxing if she is giving you oral? In a case like this she is the one completely in control of the situation, but it does allow you to talk and tell her "oh yeah, that feels great..." or ya know, whatever.... giving her cues as to where your soft spots are. Of course it is different than just having sex... but it could be good practice for control issues? Just a thought. Also, when she is in control... on top or whatever, what are you thinking about that gets you going? I know I have an easier time letting go of my own control issues when I become focused on the pleasure of my partner and I'm enjoying HIS pleasure as well.... it is a major turn on. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Nixee has a good point. Do you climax from oral? And I want to clarify what you are asking. If she is on top of you, you cannot climax? Is this right? But if you are on top, or in control of the thrusting then you can come? If this is the case then has she tried different positions like reverse cowgirl? In this one, you can sit up and watch the penetration. Visually it's very erotic and you can also thrust from the bottom position. When she's on top....is it that it just isnt hitting the right places for you to cum? Sometimes my guy is like that. But normally, I just let go and ride him to get me off and then when I cum, he usually cums with me or right after me. What about he doing kegals as she is riding you? This does take ALOT of practice, but it's well worth it for you and her both. Link to comment
MilesDyson Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Do you have a problem climaxing if she is giving you oral? In a case like this she is the one completely in control of the situation, but it does allow you to talk and tell her "oh yeah, that feels great..." or ya know, whatever.... giving her cues as to where your soft spots are. Of course it is different than just having sex... but it could be good practice for control issues? Just a thought. Also, when she is in control... on top or whatever, what are you thinking about that gets you going? I know I have an easier time letting go of my own control issues when I become focused on the pleasure of my partner and I'm enjoying HIS pleasure as well.... it is a major turn on. Yea, I do also have an issue with not being able to climax from oral. Though recently i came to a revelation that it could be due to; TMI alert!!: How/How often I "take care of business". Its like once a day, but its so different than oral that ive never got "there" before. Now, i have had that mysterious orgasm sans ejaculation from that. (believe me, i didnt know that was possible either, its some tantric thing i think.) So I haven't done that since the last time we've fooled around about 5 days ago. I definitely feel more sensitive now, but i wonder how much of it is that. I do give her feedback about how she's doing too. part of being with someone who isnt a prude, is that we're pretty vocal through sex. I also like seeing my girl enjoy herself. "girl on top" is one of my favorite posistions. I am used to doing more there, but it is better seeing her take over while i watch... I'll try telling her exactly what to do, i'll let you know how that pans out. -md Link to comment
Dr Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 hahahahahahahaha You wouldn't be saying that with me More like oooh ahhhh oooh ahhh Link to comment
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