Not another Myspace Thread..lol

[desi1987]

Ok heres the breakdown..Im still friends with my ex on myspace and I look at her profile "occasionaly". I was on another thread and I was told something that hit home..you can never TRULY heal until you go NC..cold turkey and apparently checking your ex's myspace page is a def. form of contact. Im going to be honest with myself and admit that I havent healed and Im NOT completely over her..and Im thinking this is a big reason why.

 

So stop whining and erase her right?

 

No can do..I have erased her twice already and added her back both times and she has been readded on myspace for the last 2 months. It would send a message that Im still bitter and still not over it, and Im tryin to give her every impression that I am. She got in contact with me once through a message a month ago, but that was it.

 

Ok so erase your page...

 

Well I have my friends and my pics and my comments/pic comments and Im feeling like why should I?? Its MY page and I have had the same page for over two years. I KNOW its just myspace but it carries some sentimental value.

 

BUT..something has got to give..any advice

[Band_Nerd]

Well, I deleted my myspace to keep myself away from my ex. It's just a webpage, but that's me. I think you're friends would understand if you deleted it. That's really the only advice. Or you just block your ex and take them off your friends list. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's the best advice I can give.

[desi1987]

Well, I deleted my myspace to keep myself away from my ex. It's just a webpage, but that's me. I think you're friends would understand if you deleted it. That's really the only advice. Or you just block your ex and take them off your friends list. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's the best advice I can give.

 

really are my only two options. Lesser of two evils I guess.

 

Thanks for the advice man

[May_It_Be]

I'm sorry, but this whole No Contact mantra annoys me. It seems like it's just part of the jargon on this site, and, frankly, I don't think that one particular mantra should apply for every situation. Yes, there are times when you should not engage in contact with an ex-partner, but there are also times when you could or should. "No Contact" is not the magic formula to exorcise your ex.

 

Eesh. Sorry. Had to vent. Moving on. Nothing more to see, here.

[Jelina]

Just don't log onto it until your ready to.

[goodguy81]

im just making an attempt not to log on anymore..to me by deleting, it shows that they win because u cant handle it..by not deleting but looking on their page or whatever, ur gonna drive yourself NUTS..trust me ive gone thru it..nothin good ever came out of looking at her page..just made me feel like crap and take steps back

[bijoux27]

Just delete her and stick with it. Don't log in as often, at least for a couple weeks or so, to break the habit.

[ahop]

I too, still am myspace friends with my ex.. I've been successful at not checking her page since going NC almost 3 months ago. I just moved her off my top friends list and made sure I unchecked her so I don't see any updates that she puts up, (pics, profile updates). That way nothing will trigger the urge. I think it shows bitterness by deleting her as a friend and I figure the urge to call her or e-mail, text etc. is just as accessible to engage in as checking her page so I simply don't do it.

 

Facebook, is a different story. Anything that happens with any of your friends gets put on your page and I saw pics of her on a trip and peoples comments, etc and immediately deleted my profile to stop any future self torture by seeing that stuff.

[Mayday11]

I'm sorry, but this whole No Contact mantra annoys me. It seems like it's just part of the jargon on this site, and, frankly, I don't think that one particular mantra should apply for every situation. Yes, there are times when you should not engage in contact with an ex-partner, but there are also times when you could or should. "No Contact" is not the magic formula to exorcise your ex.

 

Eesh. Sorry. Had to vent. Moving on. Nothing more to see, here.

 

I partly agree. NC should definitely be used as an effective means to remove yourself from a painful situation and reacquaint yourself with your self-worth. After you've done this, it's not really necessary. I see tons of people on this board sticking to NC long after its usefulness has expired and I can almost see it beginning to do more harm than good.

 

Almost like someone continuing to walk around on crutches long after their leg has mended or something.

[desi1987]

I partly agree. NC should definitely be used as an effective means to remove yourself from a painful situation and reacquaint yourself with your self-worth. After you've done this, it's not really necessary. I see tons of people on this board sticking to NC long after its usefulness has expired and I can almost see it beginning to do more harm than good.

 

Almost like someone continuing to walk around on crutches long after their leg has mended or something.

 

I tried too..and I couldnt. Im sorry. Its not even about myspace(just a weak excuse..i KNOW better than those)..its about the fact that I still love her more than I can conprehend and i know im a hypocrite for this..but i HOPE she does come back..i know there is no chance [now] since she has a rebound..but if I keep closing the door and overdoing NC your right MayDay it can do more harm than good. I dont have any contact other than her being a face on my myspace.

[Mayday11]

I tried too..and I couldnt. Im sorry. Its not even about myspace(just a weak excuse..i KNOW better than those)..its about the fact that I still love her more than I can conprehend and i know im a hypocrite for this..but i HOPE she does come back..i know there is no chance [now] since she has a rebound..but if I keep closing the door and overdoing NC your right MayDay it can do more harm than good. I dont have any contact other than her being a face on my myspace.

 

You don't know if she's coming back or not, there's no possible way of knowing. Whether she moved onto another relationship or not makes no difference in the big picture of whether one day she'll be back or not. So, it's best not to dwell on the idea of her coming back, just like it's best not to dwell on the idea that she isn't coming back. Both result in the same thing: dwelling on her and not moving on yourself.

 

So, you really gotta stop with the myspace for now. You have to try and focus on things besides her for now. Once you've healed and your not pressed over the situation any longer and don't really shudder at the idea of her never coming back, then it's okay to discard the NC and to maybe check out her myspace page. If it hurts you when you look at it, you're looking at it too soon.

[xRoh]

Myspace is evil! It's a terrible website. Hate hate hate it.

 

If you ever feel the need to log in to your Myspace just walk away from your computer. You KNOW that you probably won't like what you see. Just tell yourself this and do something else away from the PC. Go take a walk, go watch TV. Anything to distract yourself. But you really just need to stay away from Myspace, and if that means deleting yours then so be it. Who cares if it gives her the idea that you are hurting and you need time away. She hasn't won. There is no competition. This is for your well-being!

[veneratio]

^^ I used to do that. Walking away from the computer helps so much. Or just closing the window and walking away.

 

I know you know this, but you have to do what's best for you. You might have to make some sacrifices, but in the end you come out on top and it's worth it.

[R41N]

My advice? If you can't stop looking at your ex's myspace page, then delete it.

Is it really that big of a deal? Some say it makes you look weak, but I think deleting myspace takes a lot of courage. What it seems to them doesn't matter, because like everyone already said... it's what's best for you. You do not need myspace to be happy, you do not need myspace to live. Why keep something that will give you the temptation of peeking at something that will cause you heartache? ..All because you are afraid that your "ex" may think it's weak? Lose the pride and take the next big step towards healing.

 

As for the OP, why don't you just delete your current myspace profile, and create a new profile with the same myspace layout that holds the sentimental value and add your friends back up to stay in contact? That way your ex wont be able to find ways to add you and you will no longer be bothered.

[ljoy74]

Just simply stay off of Myspace and reward yourself for it.

That's what I've been doing for 2 weeks because Myspace was the only thing left really making me hurt. I have been so much happier. I let me ex think we're still "friends" because we're both still on each other's top people (actually I can't confirm I'm on his, it's been 2 weeks or so). When I do log on I see if there's anything new (take your ex off of those awful friend updates) and I don't go to profiles that I know for sure he could have commented on. Have WILLPOWER. Staying off really does work.

 

Remember,

there is a reason some company started printing "Myspace Ruined My Life" t-shirts.

[orangesoda]

just delete her. i get the sense that you're maybe subconsciously giving yourself an excuse to keep her added.

 

delete her, or delete the myspace. do *something*.

 

or why not delete the myspace for like 3 months, then you can make a new one, and add your friends but not her.

 

but c'mon, honestly, it's a webpage, you can't tell me that you're letting something so insignificant control you.

[JadedStar]

I'm sorry, but this whole No Contact mantra annoys me. It seems like it's just part of the jargon on this site, and, frankly, I don't think that one particular mantra should apply for every situation. Yes, there are times when you should not engage in contact with an ex-partner, but there are also times when you could or should. "No Contact" is not the magic formula to exorcise your ex.

 

Eesh. Sorry. Had to vent. Moving on. Nothing more to see, here.

 

OBsessing over an ex isn't a whole lot different than a drug addict trying hard to forget about the drug he or she was addicted to> They cannot do that if they are constantly around the drug. They have to remove themselves from it. Same with an ex you can't get over...you have to REMOVE yourself from the reminders and that includes myspace pages. No contact is just the term given for this action.

 

You can't quit smoking if you keep buying a pack of cigarettes no more than you can quit thinking about an ex if you keep visiting her myspace page.