Ughhh.....

[Dark Prince]

Ok, I noticed something huge that I think is wrong with me. First off, I went out with my friends last night because it was a friend of mines birthday so we had a large group. We were all hanging out getting something to eat and during the whole time I barely said anything....

 

I feel like I should beat myself up over this. I was only able to talk about maybe a few things with the couple of people that were around me at random times. But, I notice that I can't seem to come up with something to say at the right time.

 

For instance, all of my friends are able to catch people in their speech and "insult" them about it making it a joke and we all end up laughing when we catch whatever we're saying. I can't seem to do that. I'll just sit there quietly drinking my beer and it seems like my mind isn't working that way. I don't know what's going on. I think this is mostly why I fail with making conversations with people because I think my speech is going downhill and I don't have my own personality with it, so to speak.

[bittertea]

I'm new here, so take my comments with a grain of salt

 

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I've been in situations like that with large group of people and was unable to contribute anything. And I found that the more I thought about it and dwelled on it, the worst it got. You just get locked up and crawl into a shell.

 

Sometimes it depends on the group you're with. If you're comfortable with everyone there, most likely you'll feel better about speaking freely.

 

Not that I'm advocating extreme alcohol consumption but it helps to have a few more beers to loosen up too.

[Wolf_22]

I didn't read your entire comment as I'm in a bit of a rush on my end, but I thought I would throw out something...

 

There's some people out there who act like your friend one-on-one, but when they get into a group, they change and almost take advantage of things like what you're talking about. Be leery of these types if you ever come into contact with them.

[tina-rocks]

Hi,

 

I think this is more to do with compatibility.

 

Like for instance inviting people round for a meal but making sure the place settings are such that everyone has someone they click with.

 

You may have a perhaps slight low self esteem but if your with the right crowd the conversation just flows. Try not to think about it as it happens to us all.

 

Try listening to what others are saying. Not just a few but all in turn. there's always something you can pick up on. Maybe if they have pets. Or, are into sports. Anything like that you relate too.

 

Hope this helps and don't honestly worry too much.

 

Tina

[Dark Prince]

I know I'm comfortable with the group I was around as I've hung out with them before and I like hanging out with them. I think it may be the low self-esteem part, even though I hate to admit it. I hate that I can't seem to pick up on things like that and make something funny out of nothing. Even one of my friends was yelling accross to me to speak up and say something which I really brought things into light for me.

 

I was in the middle of the table so I could hear two different conversations going on at once, and I tried to pick up on things, but it just didn't work. I either had bad timing or I felt like what I was going to say stopped right at the edge of my mouth. This is probably the worst thing to through. I know I shouldn't think about it with a group like this, but I also can't seem to "defend" myself when I get the "insult" thrown at me and I hate it.

 

I put the insult in quotes because we're not really making fun of each other, but just throwing around jokes.

 

I just don't get it and I feel like I fail myself as a guy that I can't act like this.

[tina-rocks]

Are you referring to insulting people rather than conversation per say. You say joking but insults and jokes are entirely different? Could you clarify for me.

 

Thanks

[Dark Prince]

Are you referring to insulting people rather than conversation per say. You say joking but insults and jokes are entirely different? Could you clarify for me.

 

Thanks

 

I meant jokes. Like, say you're in a conversation with someone talking about something random like a story or something and you catch something they're saying and you make fun of them for that one second and suddenly everyone's bursting out laughing because of that one catch and then the conversation continues.

 

Something like that I can't seem to catch up on. I wouldn't say insulting people to hurt them but make fun of them in good nature. I can never seem to be loud enough to go with the flow in the conversation.

[tina-rocks]

I see!

 

Not a simple conversation which would be easier but trying to be witty. That's a whole different game.

 

Not sure I play that one as people can be hurt but if as you say it's just your friends then I guess it's OK!

 

As they are friends you must know things about them. Any juicy information on something they have done in the past which you could slip into conversation at just the right moment?

 

Sometimes the funniest jokes are the ones we stumble accross.

[Dark Prince]

I see!

 

Not a simple conversation which would be easier but trying to be witty. That's a whole different game.

 

Not sure I play that one as people can be hurt but if as you say it's just your friends then I guess it's OK!

 

As they are friends you must know things about them. Any juicy information on something they have done in the past which you could slip into conversation at just the right moment?

 

Sometimes the funniest jokes are the ones we stumble accross.

 

That's exactly what I mean!

 

Trying to be witty is my biggest downfall and I why I end up quiet during these times because all of my friends sometimes end up doing it at the same time and it all gets crazy, especially when some of us have had a couple of beers. It's definitely with my friends as I would never do this to strangers on a first meeting, unless they have that kind of attitude or something.

 

There might be a few things I might know here and there but it's all a matter of getting my timing right to make it worth it. I have gotten lucky on a couple of occasions, but most of time I end up being the quiet one that just sits there, glad to be there.

[Manic1002]

Hmm I had similar experience the other day.

 

I went out with my usual group, only one of the girls best mates came along too. Suddenly I was the outcast of the group! All my other friends sorta had historys together but with this girls best mate I hadnt spoke to her in years. It was really awkward and I didnt say much all night except to one of my guy friends.

 

But usually in that situation I usually increase the amount I drink, loosen up and just forget that I dont know them and get to know them. If it gets worse go chat up the barmaid, you never know

 

Look up a couple of jokes, if your friend done anything stupid in past pick em up on it and try make them all laugh, and if its going well just go with the flow. Table/drinking conversation is always fairly light hearted so just try n get one liners in, make yourself the one they are crowded around. Good luck!