Sharing the load!

[allypally]

Hi guys,

 

Is it reasonable to ask your bf or gf to share things such as cooking during the week when you're both tired after a long day and obviously the cost of food. I asked him last night if we could take it in turns to do this, so when he comes over and we go running, he can just pick up some food on his way over. That way the onus isn't always on me to provide food and cook for us.

 

We are not married, so I think it is unfair to be expected to do this each and every time when i work just as hard as him.

 

He said he thought that was fair. I asked in a matter of fact way and put it forward as a suggestion. If anything I think he would wonder if I just accepted this arrangement the way it has been for the last few months.

 

He never argues with me, but seems to take much of what I say in good grace.

[tina-rocks]

Hi,

 

In todays society men and women surely share the duties.

 

I don't think it unfair to ask for help when you are both working. He sounds like a good person too so I'm sure he understands

[Applewhite]

I think the work load should be shared married or not. As long as the couple lives together. Especially if both have busy days. But I don't like the idea of taking turns that much. I like it better if things are done together, because I think that's what being a couple is all about. It's part of the quality time spent together. Instead of preparing dinner on the day it's my turn by myself, I'd rather have both of us in the kitchen, talking about our days, joking, flirting, one prepares the main course and the other makes a salad etc.

[allypally]

Well, we don't live together, but my bf isn't a one for making suggestions as to how things could be made easier. I like the idea of cooking together and prefer this, so will suggest that also. It seems to be left to me to provide food etc.

 

I share a flat with a friend and his boyfriend, so there can be up to 4 people in the kitchen!

[tina-rocks]

I agree it is good to do things together but there are also times where one partner for instance might be working later than the other and thereforee it would only be fair for the one at home to lets say cook for the evening.

 

Swings and roundabouts.

[allypally]

Well he seems open to suggestions, and actually he does make them when it comes to DIY and is very helpful in that respect so I don't want to come accross as a nag or anything. It would only be taking it in turns once a week when we go running which is twice a week in total.

 

He doesn't like cooking so it would be a big effort for him!

[Applewhite]

Well if you're running, means you probably both like to eat and live healthy. It's a great idea to have a salad with every meal. If he doesn't like cooking, you do the cooking, and tell him to make a green salad, and help you wash the dishes That should be pretty straightforward..

 

Veeery appetizing

 

link removed

 

with lotsa lemon and some olive oil. yumm

[allypally]

I like that! We do have a dishwasher, but he can wash the pans!

[Applewhite]

I like that! We do have a dishwasher, but he can wash the pans!

 

Atta girl. There ya go! Plant a kiss on his cheek when he's done so he feels more like he accomplished something important And don't forget that green salad! Damn I'm hungry now...

[allypally]

When we went to bed last night, he was after my attention. Lately he has been saying that he wants my attention and starts cuddling up to me even though he gets it!!! We are very affectionate towards eachother, cuddle lots - why do guys do this?!

[Applewhite]

When we went to bed last night, he was after my attention. Lately he has been saying that he wants my attention and starts cuddling up to me even though he gets it!!! We are very affectionate towards eachother, cuddle lots - why do guys do this?!

 

Do what? Cuddle? You're complaining? They usually don't do it enough! I'd be happy..

[allypally]

I am happy, was just wondering why he was asking for my attention so much even when he gets it! I was reading my book!

[sidehop]

Do you guys have sex often? I only ask because I do the same when I'm feeling a bit...you know. I know helping around the house especially married families with children where the husband works full time and the mother stays home, that it takes off a big load. And such help could lead to more energy for other things.

 

It does sound like your b/f really loves you...why not give him some attention more than what he wants For us guys to be 'open to suggestions' is a very difficult thing. That's just us, we usually want to be in control of various situations as the dominant creatures but in a relationship it doesn't always work out.

 

As for sharing the load, yes, married or not it should be done because it has to be done, not who does or why. My g/f and I have a 17-month old and her alone is a disaster if we don't pick up after her everyday LOL. I'll usually do the dishes, stick 'em in the dishwasher, put them away, vacuum and do work that involves heavy lifting (my g/f has neck/shoulder problems), etc. Of course in turn she loves to cook, keeps the house organized and is a great mother at the same time. At the end of the day (everyday!) even though we sometimes feel like we do nothing but clean, just to relax in a house that's organized (no we are not perfectionist LOL) is a wonderful thing...especially on weekends where we don't want to do anything but relax and go out.

[allypally]

I initiate sex a lot and can't keep my hands off him!

 

I do get very tired though and don't want to give him the impression that I don't 'want' him because I do, I just don't always have the energy to back up my desires! We had a quickie this morning because I was tired last night, having put in a full days work, a run, cooked etc.

 

This is why I brought up this 'sharing the load' post in the first place!

[Applewhite]

I initiate sex a lot and can't keep my hands off him!

 

I do get very tired though and don't want to give him the impression that I don't 'want' him because I do, I just don't always have the energy to back up my desires! We had a quickie this morning because I was tired last night, having put in a full days work, a run, cooked etc.

 

This is why I brought up this 'sharing the load' post in the first place!

 

Hmm you shouldn't be so tired because you ran and went to work. Are you taking your vitamins?

[sidehop]

Well that's awesome then Sharing the load is essential especially nowadays where male & female in a household both work. You two are going to need it if you guys get married and have a child. I think after 17-months we've learned so much in terms of sharing the load and finding every little ways to make time available for each other.

 

You guys sound like a very lovable & compassionate couple, I'd say keep it up!

[allypally]

Sidehop, we've had our ups and downs, and I have had gone through a lot of insecure patches about our relationship, but I think I'm overcoming those and moving on. So much of it I created in my mind and as others mentioned, was finding reasons to label the relationship as failing.

 

Hike 14, I go through patches of feeling v tired, we had a quickie this morning, but I think I was still full from dinner!

 

I am getting better at speaking out if something bothers me so that I don't build up resentment.

 

We have never argued about anything, instead I talk things through with him and it seems to work. He knows when I'm not my usual self.

[StrawberryYogurt]

Sharing the load is good. One-sided relationship, bad.

[allypally]

Thanks Strawberryyoghurt - yes it has to be fair.

[sidehop]

Sidehop, we've had our ups and downs, and I have had gone through a lot of insecure patches about our relationship, but I think I'm overcoming those and moving on. So much of it I created in my mind and as others mentioned, was finding reasons to label the relationship as failing.

 

I can related since I used to do the same...my g/f would say I'm trying to find a way to get out of the relationship even though I wasn't, I always thought it was going downhill due to my own insecurity about many things. We are working on a lot of things and glad it's turning out to be better (a date tonight whoo hoo!)

 

I think that's the hardest part is finding that middle ground even if you or your partner has to compromise sometimes.

[allypally]

Well, we have had to work out what we are going to do with regards the little issue of my emmigration!

 

I was forced to make a decision when a company rang me up for an interview last week. I had another phonecall a couple of days ago and an interview, I have a third interview next week.

 

I decided to make a massive compromise and spend a year in the country with my bf and see it as a break from our normal lives. That way I get to live and work in the country and be with my bf. Of course anything could happen, but we are returning because of his mother who has no one else to look out for her family wise.

[Steve 7745]

The arrangement back in the 40s and 50s was for women to stay at home and raise the kids, cook, clean and manage the household while the men earned their bread at work. Since women today often bring in income as well, the responsibilities have to be shared in order to manage a couple's time effectively.

 

Be encouraging of your boyfriend or husband's chores and efforts. Compliment him for a good job and reward the good behavior every now and again. This will help it become a routine to him.

 

(Perhaps the overall number of work hours should be slightly reduced for working families? Like, as a socially accepted thing?)

[allypally]

Thanks He2etic.

 

Times have changed, and unfortunately, women work just as hard as guys do because we have to. Also, the men in the 40s and 50s earned the daily bread to pay for the food that their respective wives put on the table.

 

We are not married, nor do we live together, thereforee, it isn't fair that I should pay for and cook the food when my bf is here during the week when I have put in long hrs too! We see eachother twice during the week because I have other stuff going on.