Very unusual conversation patterns with recent ex

[Jim2007]

So I broke up with my ex about a month ago, she was really genuine and I was her longest ever relationship and we even talked about marriage even though I'm 21 and she's 20. Anyhow the past few months my anxiety got the better of me and i stopped caring about everyone including her and I actually ended it a month or so ago because it wasn't fair to her. We agreed I'd get better and we would re-connect but its looking weird here. She accepted me back a week after I dumped her because I realized it's harder to do this alone. Two days later she needed time to think again... anyways lately we have been calling back and forth.

 

She called last Saturday and we talked for two hours and she told me to call her on sunday, well I did and and no answer or reply. So I decide to not call her for 2 days straight... well she calls me a couple days later just to ask how I've been and how my little nephew is... she then says "Oh I miss him, and you too.. I have to come down to visit him soon" so I told her anytime if fine just let me know. She then says "See I like talking to you on the phone" because I was never really a phone person... then shes like "We'll see where things go" anyways she says her goodbye and that was that. So I txted her yesterday saying call me if you have time.. well no call at all yesterday so i call today and she seems dull when im talking to her and says she was on her way out 2 mins later and that she will call me tomorrow. When I ask if she's sure she will call tomorrow she said "ill try" and we left it at that. It seems that when she calls shes in a good mood but usually when i call shes all dull.

 

I'm confused here is there hope or should i move on.

[Xetra Dax]

Oh my god. My dear man you are making the mistake of the century by leaving her, have you got any idea what you are doing to her and her feelings? Your feelings of uncertainty are killing her, and badly effecting everyone.

 

Listen to me, go back to her and get yourself a theraphist.

 

Just because you have a problem doesn't mean you have to take her down with you, its like this. Yes you feel its unfair to saddle her up with this anxiety, but have you ever thought about how unfair it is to leave her alone and break her heart?

 

You are completely blind to thousands of feelings she is having. And you need a theraphist to get you thru this difficult phase of your life, don't burn your ships all behind you the minute you are having a hard time. Perservere, and find a theraphist, find help here, join a support group, don't let your life and loved ones just fall and drop down the cliff because of a problem you are having, GET HELP!.

[Reilly2856]

It seems like she's unsure of her feelings. On her good days when she's in a great mood, she gives you hints that she wants to see you and misses you. On her not so good days, she is dull because she isn't sure that she wants to talk to you. This is a tough one. Firstly, I don't think you're wrong in breaking up with her. It would be unfair to her if your anxiety gets in the way of your relationship, as in, it creates problems and affects how you interact with her. Having said that, I would urge you to get help for it. It isn't something that will simply go away as you detach yourself from people who care about you. You need to be proactive in trying to control that anxiety. Lastly, imo, you should perhaps step back a bit from her. Give her space. Maybe go NC or LC for a while. Remember, she was the one who wanted some time to thing again, so that won't happen unless she takes the time away from you to do so. If you guys are constantly in communication, how will that help her decide what she wants with you. This is not to say that you are to blame. Just that, let her decide what she wants. Don't get to close to her yet, because if she decides to not be with you...you will be badly hurt. You need to figure out things for yourself (ie. ways to get over your anxiety,...figuring out the reasons behind it, etc.). Once you've both done some figuring out, only then will this thing work out between you two.

[Jim2007]

I am getting help but playing games like this is only making it harder for me to make progress, I have dreams about us getting back together it really sucks. It's like sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge me, Not only that I always creep her face book which doesn't help... by the way she DIDN'T call me today... I'm really starting to think shes a lost cause.

[Reilly2856]

Perhaps she is playing games with you. If that is the case (go with your gut feeling), then its time for you to back off completely. Don't call her and don't answer her calls. If she is really serious about pursing something with you, she'll find a way to get in touch. If nothing else, it'll show you how much she really wants to be in a relationship with you. If she doesn't call, then you can move on with a clean slate to someone new and wonderful....no need to waste your time over someone who is only interested in giving you false hope and nothing more.

[jasper01]

I don't think NC is appropriate here. Even taking into account that you guys are young and maybe not ready to get serious yet. But if you're really interested in her you could say you realize that maybe you made a mistake and are sorry, and acknowledge that things have been weird lately. That you think maybe both of you are a little bit scared, and that you sense she is having mixed feelings and that's okay. And if she is open to it, you are willing to talk about it. If she still acts ambivalent after that, you can feel more assured that this isn't the best situation for you.