Your friend tells you he/she is evicted and they have no clue what to do....

[ImThatGirl]

What do you do? I should have a list of resources prepared on a Word document for this type of situation.

 

I used to offer a place to stay. A few years ago, my son's dad stayed with us briefly because he was in this situation. Two and a half years ago, my sister and her three kids stayed with us for six months.

 

I moved away from town to keep a little more privacy and separate from some of this type of stuff.

 

So long story short, a friend of eight years is going through a divorce, has his own apartment but for some reason couldn't afford the rent for August and got a notice that he must move by Sept 5. Mind you he hasn't asked to stay here and wouldn't. I suppose I should call him an ex boyfriend because we started off dating for several months until I realized he was dating another girl - I cut ties, he married the other girl. They decided to divorce after about 5 years (in the past year.)

 

But I'm just curious. I used to over-obligate myself but refuse to do so now. It feels so cold to just say "well good luck." So what would you suggest if this was a friend of yours? I had a similar situation with a woman at work (friend) that has been moving from friends house to friends house for the past two years. I always just sweep it under the rug and move on in conversation when she mentions having nowhere to go (after suggesting several low in come apartment complex's.)

[ImThatGirl]

And he insists on sending txt msg's from the bar... last one saying "I shouldn't have road my bike." Sigh...... I am not getting involved, not getting involved. Dang it. I should mention to that this past spring, he called me a few times telling me he had taken several pills and didn't know if he'd wake up in the morning but wanted to tell me goodbye. I called the police once and had them do a house check on him. He refuses to go to counseling. (I can't fix or help everyone... can't can't can't...)

 

 

[keenan]

In this case I think I would go with a modified version of your signature line: "No one can make you feel guilty without your consent".

 

Really, it depends on the person, the closeness of our friendship, his employment status, his fiscal responsibility, his ability to problem-solve, his other options, and your degree of confidence that he could get this sorted out in a short period of time...as in, a week or two. The big question is why did he get evicted if he has a job? I wouldn't let one of my friends end up homeless, but I'm not sure that I'd offer up my place straight-off. If you wanted roommates you would have one already, and it could turn into that kind of situation pretty quickly.

 

If it were a close girlfriend and I understood the situation, I'd ask her to move in and probably help her get back on her feet. If it were a co-worker or an ex-boyfriend...meh. I'd have to really roll it around.

[keenan]

After reading your second post I just changed my answer to NO!

[ImThatGirl]

Yes - No must be the answer. So I guess I'm looking for alternative suggestions for him.

 

Note: I have two children - having a friend stay isn't acceptable. I wouldn't let family go homeless either but even family I wouldn't be jumping to have stay with us at this point. We have a routine, consistancy, stability, and structure. Nobody's gonna mess that up.

 

Thank you for writing Keenan!

[annie24]

Yes - No must be the answer. So I guess I'm looking for alternative suggestions for him.

 

Note: I have two children - having a friend stay isn't acceptable. I wouldn't let family go homeless either but even family I wouldn't be jumping to have stay with us at this point. We have a routine, consistancy, stability, and structure. Nobody's gonna mess that up.

 

Thank you for writing Keenan!

 

i agree, you have children, so i don't think it's responsible for you to be letting this guy into your home. i feel badly for him, and i think it's super nice of you to come up with a word document. does he have family he can stay with or borrow money from?

[just M.E.]

You have to look at his behavior realistically - he was texting you from a bar for sympathy, but you know he spent money there, money that could have gone toward rent. What's your guess about how much of that type of spending has he done? Even if it wasn't all his rent money, any extra would go a long way with a landlord to stop eviction.

 

You can be a ear for him to turn, but you are absolutely correct in not opening your home to him, or any of the others that hint for this. Your first obligation is taking care of your family and you know that him coming into your home would disrupt that.

 

You should feel no guilt, you're a mom, you're doing the right thing.

[annie24]

oooh, that's a good point! he was spending his money at the bar instead.... hmfp.

[ImThatGirl]

This friend of mine got on his feet and was doing well in his life. He became more optimistic and was always so good to me. He was the kind of man that I could count on but didn't realize just how wonderful he was to me do to distrust and fear. He passed away in June 2009. Motorcycle accident after drinking.... I miss him and love him dearly and wish I would've realized and told him how much he meant to me when I had the opportunity.