In your experience with "no contact"...

[disEnchantid]

Hi everyone

My ex and I broke up a month ago and it has been about three and a half weeks since we had any contact. I had sent him two emails a while back regarding stuff of his that he had left at my place (and was overlooked in the "stuff exchange"), but he never replied, so I assumed he just didn't want any of it. I had IMed him once at the very beginning and he ignored that too. He was pretty adament when it ended that we not communicate (he was worried that he would end up back in the relationship out of guilt or something). I was just wondering if anyone has had a relationship end and then, literally, never heard from that person again. I mean, I understand why it is good not to have contact for a while after something ends, but (and this sort of goes with what someone else had posted a while ago) does it really mean forever?

 

When we broke up he said something to the effect of when a relationship ends it is like it never happened, you just learn from it. Except that it *did* happen and I can't stop going over in my mind. But does what he said mean that he just wants to forget we ever had anything together and really never speak to me again?

 

I would really appreciate any input anyone has to offer. It has been taking all my self control not to IM him and to not keep him on my buddy list. I think that it is my way of holding onto any little connection I can with him, even if it just means knowing that he is online at the same time as me. Why can't I stop torturing myself like this? This "no contact" thing is sooo hard!

[Archivist]

Hi disEnchanted,

 

I have no idea why your ex may think that, but i dont think people really think straight just after they break, its a traumatic experience for both parties, all these emotions going through both your heads. Did you hurt him in anyway for him to not want to talk to you ever? If your realtionship was a deep and meaningful one there is no way he can ever forget what you both experienced, after hes had some time to move on or think about things, he may feel differently to how he feels now.

 

In answer to your question I dont think he wants to forget everything you ever shared together, if hes worried hes going to go back into the realtionship again out of guilt he does still care about you. Unless somethign terrible happened he can't even bare to talk to you again i'm pretty sure you will hear from him again someday.

 

Good luck and be strong.

[disEnchantid]

Thanks for your encouragement, eratrya

 

In answer to your question, I did not do anything that I can think of to make him not want to talk to me ever again. I was bending over backwards trying to please him. When he ended it he told me that if I loved him I needed to let him go, and that "nobody likes a hanger-on". Basically, he felt like any continued presense I had in his life would be "baggage" and that would interfere with his future relationships. He had resented the presense of my ex boyfriend in my life when we first met & started going out because I had not had the heart to tell him he could not call me ever again. Although he had continued to talk to his ex-fiance the entire time we were going out. The fact that this guy could so easily cut me off makes me feel as though he never really cared about me as much as he said he did, which is why I worry that I really will never hear from him again, and will always have to feel as though what happened was my fault.

[pudgy55]

hey disEnchantid:

 

just wanted to post and tell you that i'm here for you. My bf and i were going out for 4.5 years before he broke up with me. Like yourself, i was always bending over backwards just trying to please him.. and upon reflection.. maybe i did that in part to also avoid the reality of how our relationship really did have problems and that i just wanted to do everything to keep him there with me.

 

My bf told me that he wanted to be single and like ur bf, basically made me feel like that i was a baggage to him. I don't konw, it hurts to konw that he's harsh cutting you out of his life just like that but then again it is best for the both of you to do this in order for you guys to heal and move on.

 

One day, when you guys are healed from all this, you will be able to get together again and talk with him and maybe even be friends again.

 

I just think that your ex said the whole we broke up and we "never happened" thing just to try to make himself get over it. Maybe to him, if he thinks that you guys "never happened" it's easier to move on than to dwell on all the good( and bad) of the love that you guys shared.

 

i don't know...i feel like i've been going around in circles for the pass month. But if your bf and my bf were any similar, i would say we should just move on. If they can't decide whether or not they want to be with us and feels that we're "baggages" to them while we're giving them unconditional love... it's just not fair-to us. Love is a two way street and it's no fun when we're doing all the loving and giving and they think of us as "baggage"

 

maybe it's the bitter me speaking or it's just the reality that is finally appearing in front of me but what ever it is. If they have decided that this is what they want, we need to move on

 

I KNOW it's so hard to move on...i myself was like you. stalked him online...always on the computer to see if he's on.. and what his online nickname says.. or going onto his webpage to see if he's said anything significant and who left him what message on the guessbook and all...been there, done that.. trust me.. it's HARD...

 

seriously, think about it. why are we giving ourselves such mental pressure when he seems like he's deteremined to let things be and move on? I konw..our exs are pretending "nothing happened" we never existed or wutever and just move on. I find that a lot of guys likes to deal with problems like that. They just shove it in the back of their brain and not think about it. But you know what? so what, let's say that it DID happen and you keep on going over it in your mind. What can you do about it? you can't force him to go back with you. You can't force him to realize that he loves you and that you guyz are each other's soul mates.

 

somethings are just better left undone...stop analyzing, stop thinking how he can just move on and YOU MOVE ON. I'll be here with you ... crawling along... because my friend, words are easier said than done...

 

I just hope what i've said right now will stick to my head when i have my daily weak moments. If you need anything else, feel free to pm me here, i'll be glad to help out when i can

[disEnchantid]

Thank you pudgy55--you are such a sweetheart. I literally got tears in my eyes reading your post. You are totally right, my bending over backwards was my way of trying to fix a problem that really couldn't be fixed. Once someone decides that they don't want you anymore there isn't really anything you can do to change that.

 

I feel like I have been going around in circles too, one day I'll think I'm doing okay and then the next I'll get to missing him so bad. I moved away from where he lives, and moving out of my apartment brought back all these memories of good times we shared there...it was really hard and set me back a ways, but I think that it's better for me not to be there anymore. Even if it means that I will most likely never see him again. I am sure he doesn't think about me as much as I have been thinking about him, and probably hardly at all anymore.

 

I know I have to move on, it's just so hard to keep my mind off of wondering what he doing, how he is doing and if he is thinking about me too. I know that it will get better with time, I'm just impatient to get on with my life. Thank you so much for your support though, it really does help