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WHAT HAVE IN DONE - i broke NC :(


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hi everybody


i didnt last very long and i feel like such a loser. i was doing o.k. the pain that was so bad i couldnt walk, talk or eat had almost faded. i stopped crying every two mins. i thought i was making progress. i was still having the waves of pain, regret, hurt...the feeling of being lost but i was doing alright.


i went to a job interview today that may ex helped me a lot with the application form. i found out i got the job today which was an amazing feeling HOWEVER like an idiot he was the first person i wanted to tell so i emailed him.


in the email he sounded happy for me. he asked questions. told me what he was up too. we both said we were doing well (i was lying). he said things like


"That's fantastic news well done!! When do you start? Did they show you round, do you think it will be good? I'm very pleased for you indeed! "


"It's a great combination if you do that sort of work during the day, not too demanding but satisfying and also do your company. You can easily get there. You'll be at work in 15-20 minutes! And there's that art place next door. Will you be able to go into town at lunch or is it too far?


It's all looking good for you anyway"


"Glad you're having fun! "


he was nice to me. we get on. so why do i feel so bad. i feel awfull. i gushed about how happy i was. he seemed pleased to hear that. he seemed like he wanted to talk to me.



my brain is going overtime


just so you know the stats. we broke up a week ago (we went back and forth about him being confused for about 3 weeks). i managed three days of NC. broke obviously today because i sent the email.


HELP. what shall i do...??? ifeel like i did a week ago. please remind me of what i am doing. i feel weak again

why was he sooo nice to me..??? i'm wondering if he is missing me..??


HELP ME ????

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Well I am not sure what to say here. Does he miss you? Sure probably. Does that mean he wants to be with you? Not necessarily. Does he want you to be happy? I'm sure he probably does, again that does not mean he wants to be with you. I mean in my situation I did not start no contact for a while, of course there were many factors that led me to believe I couldn't start it as early as I'd like. No contact will remove you from the situation, see the relationship from the outside as someone not as involved as you are right now, and clear your head. If you fall off the bike, get back and try to ride again. I'd just start NC again if I were you. GL. =).

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It's okay. That was okay. You didn'tcall to cry and tell him how much you missed him blah blah. As a matter of fact try looking at this as an easier way to get over him. . Only we know how bad you feel. You don't want him to think you are pining for him. Whether he misses you is of no importance because you have to get over him. He was nice because you are a good person. Don't fall in the trap though that thismeans he wants to get back, you may get your feelings hurt. Remember this is an addiction-relapse is normal- try to come here and email us before you email/text your ex. it helps. It helped me. I almost broke the nc rule a couple of days ago and I got on line so fast and asked..tell me why i shouldn't text again. I needed to be reminded. Its okay, don't beat yourself up about it. It could have been worse. You could have been crying he could have been yelling, telling youhorrible things-so that's positive-now...Lets get this NC thing rolling.

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have you lost hope of getting back together with your ex?


Oh absolutely. If I'm honest, he was all wrong for me. I don't want someone who is going to abuse me mentally. I'm a good person and there's only so much I can take. I don't know who said it, on this board (so if you see your quote don't get mad. lol) but someone said...

Hey now he's someone else's heartache and problem. and he can find someone else to abuse.

that's how i look at it.


I just hate that i was treated like that and rejected like that for no reason. No cause. so that's hard.

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you know what i have realised.


i feel bad because my bf was good to me. we got on. we didnt stop liking each other. we had some arguments that were intense that always had him in floods of tears. he has depression and issues of self doubt. he sees a councillor and and is on medication.


i know he needs to get better


i think it is clear now. he can not be the cause and the cure.


i need to stop going to him for my support system.

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you know what i have realised.


i feel bad because my bf was good to me. we got on. we didnt stop liking each other. we had some arguments that were intense that always had him in floods of tears. he has depression and issues of self doubt. he sees a councillor and and is on medication.


i know he needs to get better


i think it is clear now. he can not be the cause and the cure.


i need to stop going to him for my support system.


Definitely do not! I was in a long relationship like this. It definitely hurt when she ended it cause I was always trying to help her. In the end after many years I realize now she can only help herself.


Do not go to him. My advice would be just go on with your life. If he returns in a better spot then see where you want to go from there. I would not expect that to happen though. Also don't be surprised if in the future when you are far down NC he comes to you for his support system.


Just know you are very early in the process, it will have many surprises. You do seem you know what direction you want to go in, don't let the surprises side track you. Good luck. =).

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thankyou testcase


this is brand new for me. i dont have reason to hate him. he tried to look after me but he wasnt strong enough (emotionally).


we spoke today and it was fun (email) but damaging.

i'm not really thiinking about getting back with him. right now i'm worried about him. i'm scared he is lonely. i want to look after him.


i need space. he is really under my skin. i know i need to shake this feeling


Do you still speak to her now?

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kishimoto np, Um I guess I am a bad example because I spoke to her recently. Though it was after a long period of NC and I did let her know that I can not be there for her. Even if you are not thinking of getting back with him, you probably should not be there for him... really would it not hurt you? Loneliness is a tricky thing. There are some people who are alone and happy, there are some people who know everyone and lonely. Really only he can solve his problems. I dunno I am sure as other people will tell you, you can advise him to get help. Do not let him use you though as his emotional crutch unless you are sure you want to be no more than a friend to him.


I know it's a tough situation because you want to help them! Don't worry that means you really care and you are a good person. Just remember the person you need to care for right now is yourself. =).

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kishimoto, don't feel bad. Just go back to NC. It's actually not a bad thing showing him that you are happy, even if it's just about a job. By telling him about it you are showing that you aren't just a miserable mess I think that's great! I just broke NC after 2 weeks to tell my bf (which broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a break and confusion about him not being sure as well). I broke it to tell him about a job I just got that he had wanted to hear about. Mine didn't go as well as yours. I layed into him and made him tell me that he was sure about his decision and that we were done and saying goodbye forever.... Now it's really over and I really need to let go and move on because I'm sure he thinks I'm a giant beeotch now. So, do not feel about about your breaking NC because you weren't mean to him and didn't show him that you are pining for him or angry

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Hi ya hun...


I really understand how hard it is to LET GO so soon after a break up but you will have do it eventually regardless of what anyone says on this forum..


However, the quicker you do it will determine how better you start to feel about yourself..


I noticed you mentioned that " want to help him" , "care for him", he can do that for himself!! If he is adult enough to break up with you, he is adult enough to look after himself..


GOING NC is the hardest thing ever and I swear they should start dishing out degrees for people that can actually go through the long run...I did it..I had a few rocky starts..broke nc, but brushed myself off and started again..the constant buzzing of wondering "what", "why " he was thinking just got to much, then the pain of dealing with "his" flippant attitude every time we did speak, just forced me to move on one day. I couldnt " wait" any longer and I knew that "maybe tomorrow " would never come and I just got on with it one day...


His email reply to you was, how should I put it..."friendly" but you missed a vital point...before you sent the email he was able to live " 3 days " without you being his girlfriend....a man who truly loves you doesnt need 3 seconds...


Does he miss you? Maybe..he is not doing anything about it if he is....and like I said before...if he truly missed you and wanted you and loved you...you would still be together..This will hurt you as you realise what I am saying..but this is the cold facts...and there is a very low percentage of couples getting back together. When they do get back together, they nearly almost always break up again..


You really need to think about yourself and stop worrying about him now..


Lots of Love



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hey kishimoto, don't feel bad for breaking NC, actually it sounds like he was missing you (Good sign right?)


It sounds like you're getting over him anyway which is good, so nothing to worry about really, I would only worry if you still think you might go back to him.


Just go back to NC and once you're fully over him just start chatting casually again, couldn't hurt.

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