My Friend will not respond to me since 7 weeks

[looker]

My best friend (at least to me) lives in Europe and he has not been answering my phone calls when I have called and texted him. It makes me feel like he just does not care anymore. He only emails and refuses to pick up the phone and call me back. How should I handle this? I emailed him and asked: Are you serious...why are you being so incommunicado...what was his point? He wrote back..Yes, Im serious...we are communicating via email. What your point?

 

He knows that I want to speak to him via phone and I said that everyone else who I am not close friends with return calls but he does not. I wrote, that he knows my point..he's not stupid. I then said that Apparently you can put a price on friendship....apparently is 30 cents a minute. He did not respond. Should I just forget about it and not contact him again. It just sux because I really enjoy him. Thanks for any help!!

[Steve 7745]

Not only is it expensive, but the time zones are drastically different. You could very well be calling while he's asleep.

 

Don't take it personally.

[looker]

I am not. I call him when I know he is awake. But he can call me back anytime...and from his office if he chooses...or on the weekend. 7 weeks...give me a break. Do you think I am being way too sensitive?

[Jelina]

Yes I think you are, although I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Maybe he's trying to save up money. What's wrong with him emailing you instead of calling you? If he doesn't want to talk to you through the phone then just don't bring it up anymore, you can't make him do it.

[looker]

There is nothing wrong with email...but sometimes it is nice to talk to your best friend. when I lived in europe we spoke everyday and I miss that. We did spend 1 month together for vacation but that was in May. I just think that sometimes I would rather talk than write. And money...should not be a problem. Its not that expensive. and either way, I always do the calling anyway. He NEVER calls...ever. I just feel that I am doing all the work and he does not give ****! I dont know how he does it. Just a jerk? he did write in one email...that he knows he has not called me for a while...so he knows I am mad about it.

[MasterT]

I think it would behoove you to lighten up a bit on the contact. You are going to scare away your best friend if you continue.

 

From my experience, I had a close friend of mine who used to call everyday, multiple times a day even, and while initially I would answer, after a few weeks of it, I stopped answering and calling back. During the summer this behavior continued, and I stopped answering the phone.

 

It wasn't because I hated him, but rather because I felt smothered from my friend. It got so bad that some of my friends even started to question his sexuality, and knowing that both he and I were straight, I did not appreciate this sort of thing at all. I knew he was calling because he had few friends, if any, but I simply could not handle the call volume.

 

When classes started again in the Fall, we got into a huge fight because I was sick of him constantly calling me, knocking on my dorm door, and harassing me. It wasn't until a few months later that we slowly started to become friends again.

 

Just saying as much as you may enjoy talking to your best friend, sometimes it is best to give them some space. Remember they are people too, and they have things to do. It isn't that they are a jerk or don't like to talk to you.

 

I say a good cure-all for you would be to go hang out with your other friends until he gets back

[looker]

well, let me clarify. I have not called him since June. When he did not answer or respond I did not contact him again for 1 month...no phone, no email. Then he emailed me but saying "hey we have not heard from one another in a while" I was really hurt that he could go that long without calling me back. I would NEVER do that. Sometimes I feel that If I did not contact him then he would speak to me twice a year and would be fine with that. Does that seem like a "best friend"? Could it be that I think of him as my best friend....and he just thinks of me as a buddy and could take or leave the friendship....that's what hurts. Also, I just went to a funeral on monday and it just got me to thinking that you should really hold your friends close to you if you really love them...death is so final and there is nothing you can do about it except in the living days...if that makes since.

[MasterT]

Ahh. I see where you are coming from.

 

I guess you and I have different definitions of a best friend though. My best friend lives in another state, so we rarely get to talk. Once every few months, but in my mind he is still among my best friends, because I am able to speak with him about anything when I do get that chance.

 

The interesting thing about "best friends" is that it is not always mutual. I have about 3 or 4 friends who fall under my best friend tree, and all of them except for one find me a great friend, but not necessarily their "best friend". I think it is best to value the friendship for what it is -- good times with another human being.

 

It is good to hold onto your friends -- few people do that, and so many people lose contact with each other over the years. I just think it is best to do so in a gentle way. Contact them once, maybe twice, and if they don't respond to either, then assume they are busy and let them go.

 

"The more you tighten your grip the more sand slips through your fingers"

[looker]

I like your quotes. You are probably right. I just like the back and fourth with the phone...and hearing his laugh etc...I just miss him i guess and I would hope he feels the same.

[Shyguy24]

He is on a different continent , i think email is a good method of keeping in touch , rather than phone as its not like you are going to run into him or anything . Another thing if he doesent call up, its not because he dosent care , maybe he is not a phone person.

 

Most of all why not make some friends near by ..like on the same continent .