4 year old daughter playing "that" kind of doctors and nurses

[angel1980]

my daughter is 4 and a half and my friends son wil lbe 4 in a couple of weeks.

they have just moved to the south coast so we went down to visit them for a few days. the kids have always shared a bedroom when they stay here or we go there.

in the morning i was in bathroom and i heard my friend say "why have you 2 both got your pants off" and i heard them laughing innocently.

i then heard her saying for them to both put thier underwear back on and they shouldnt have been doing that. when i got out i asked her what was happening and she said that they had innocently todl her that they were rubbing private parts together, she also told me that he had an erection.

they put thier underwear back on and we carried on with the day.

 

later that evenign we put them to bed and my friend went in to check on them and my daughter had got into his bed and they were cuddling and his pants were down a bit and he had an erection again. my friend told them to sleep in thier own beds and stop takign each others underwear off.

 

my friend started freaking out big time saying that she didnt want them to lsoe thier virginity and i said they wont do that and that the dont even realsie that thats what you can do etc. but my friend was really getting worried.

 

i went in abotu 15 mins later and my daughter dived into her own bed and her pants were down and she looked at me n said "my bottom was hot"

them my friend rushed in the room when she heard all of that n told her son he had to sleep in her bed and he was saying he didnt want to ... i feel in a way we did make them feel like they were being naughty. then she told him that his willy is private and he shouldnt let peeople touch it, to which he replied "but she likes touching it" and then my daughter said something like "i didnt ask him to pull down my knickers but he wanted to"

 

so in the end my friend took her son into her bed... the nest day my friend said she had an awful nights sleep and she couldnt sleep with him in the bed again but she didnt want them sharing a room again so she didnt know what to do. i thought itd jsut be easier to go home coz i didnt want to stay if deep down she would rather we didnt.

 

thinking about it now i feel like we prob made the kids feel dirty and ashamed by keep telling them that those bits are private n they shouldnt be touching each other etc.. i remember my mum caught me examining myself when i was about 4 and she made me feel really dirty and ashamed, also she caught me having a look at a boys bits when i was 5 and made us go where the adults were n again made us feel really embarased and ashamed..... and i feel like we have prob gone n done the same thing to the kids the other day.

 

what do you say in this sort of situation??? my sister hit the roof when i told her we had gone home n said its normal and they are kids and whats the worst that could have happened etc. do you just let them carry on and dont separate them or what??? i dont want daugther to grow up with hangs ups about sex but i really dont want them rubbing thier private parts together either and they obviously really liekd it coz they kept trying to do it.

 

please help

[angel1980]

oh and 1 more thing. my frind said that she didnt want her son to think its ok for someone to jsut touch him there in case of someone trying to take advantage of him. i totaly understand what she is saying .. so i dont know how you deal with it.. how to you not make them feel like its wrong .. but without making them feel like its fine to be touched down there

[Comeback_Kid]

YIKES Im not gonna lie this creeps me out

[ElasticMagnetic]

Woah. That's quite a predicament. To them, they're just experimenting. That definitely doesn't make it alright, but they may find it as innocent as eating dirt or paste. Well, that's probably not the BEST example, but you know what I mean. They don't realize how wrong it is.

 

I really don't think there is any way you can handle this situation without making them feel a little dirty. You're probably going to have to sit her down and talk about. And make sure she understands that she shouldn't do that.

[britt92084]

I am not a parent, and I am no expert, but her saying my bottom was hot is a litttttle scary to me.

 

when I was 4, my mom caught me and the nieghbor boy on the front porch. I had a sip up top on my bathing suit and I was unzippin it. we were playing doctor. but I can tell you , at that age I had no idea what it really meant. we just knew that it ws something adults did.

 

our parents freaked out of course.

 

I think that you should sit them down and explain to them that what they are doing is not right for someone their age.

 

I think this may be somethign that most kids go thru at this age, but its a good time to explain to them what they need to know. talkin with them instead of freakin out is what would work better.

 

I know if I were a parent, and this happened, I'd probably freak out too just cuz thats the way I am.

 

but something should be said, cuz what if the both think this is a ok thing, and decide to try it with other kids, and then THOSE parents start spazzin?

[avman]

Well they are 4. So curiosity is normal at that age. It's not a sexual thing because they haven't reached that level of maturity either mentally or physically.

 

Now of course that doesn't mean that the behavior is appropriate. So just as with anything to do with a 4 year old, you have to set boundaries and stick to it. Explain things in terms they can understand. You might even get a book or two to help you. I can look and try to find some titles if you want. And you'll also need to explain about privacy, good touch/bad touch, and what is appropriate behavior with the other sex and what is not.

 

Freaking out doesn't help. It doesn't teach them anything and they won't get why you are freaking out anyhow. Explain the boundaries and then enforce them.

[angel1980]

i tried to talk to my daughter today but she just kept changing the subject and being silly. she wasn't interested. tried to tell her that it wasnt really naughty what they were doing but its not the sort of things that younge children should be doing when they shoud be playing. but she really didnt want to listen and i could see she wasnt taking it in. she starts school in september and i really dont want a repeat of this at school. the 4 and 5 year olds have a unisex toilet so i'm starting to get worried.

 

i do remember doing stuff myself at 5 (touched a guys bits) and my friend also said she had done the same thing at that age.... i really dont want my daughter doing that though coz i felt it made me overly facsinated by boys bits and sex and i started to do things properly with guys WAY too early at 11.. i so dont want her doing the same thing.

 

i don't think this is the right time to tell her about sex, i don;t want her to know that a mans thing goes in a woman in case she even considers trying it. .. also dont want her going to all her school friends and announcing how babies are made.

 

i dont know if there are any other books out there that may explain things without tellign them the full whack.

 

oh im confused.. i dont want to be in this situation at all

[avman]

I'll find you some book titles later on. I can't do a search on this subject while at work but I have some things at home that will probably help and be more age appropriate.

[angel1980]

thanks alot. that is much appreciated... i deff need a helping hand on this subject.

i thought i'd know how to cope with it coz of my childhood experiences but i think its happened just a bit earlier then i was prepared for.

[avman]

Here are some books that might help. Some are geared towards multiple age groups so you can just pick out the parts that are appropriate at her age. As she gets older you can move on.

 

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[DaBladeRoden]

Somebody's no longer going to be allowed coed sleepovers until they're moved out!

 

Thinking back I wish my parents thought the same thing.