how would YOU take this?

[neva_black_n_white]

hey i just wondered from both male and female how you would feel...

 

1: how would you feel if your girlfriend or boyfriend asked you to take a step back in the relationsip?

 

2 would you feel hurt, rejected, understanding towards it, willing to see why, or jump to the conclusion they didnt want to be with you?

basically

how would you feel, in gut instinct straigh after they had asked or mentioned this?

 

3 and would it affect you if the next time you saw them it seemed that everything was exactly the same as before?

would you feel it was good that the communication was there to keep you with them and that if it was going to happen properly one time you could talk about it?

feel that it was stupid that it was even brough up?

you wouldnt be with them?

 

i was just wondering what and how you would feel or react.

thankyou.

kel

[neallo82288]

Question 1 and 2 are the same thing. The answer depends on the individual and their relationship. So, you could possibly feel all the things in #2. Depends on the situation.

 

#3 Again, depends on the situation. Usually when you see someone after taking a step back, the emotions are still there, but the mind is already gone and thereforeeee most people react to the emotions and later feel that it was a mistake.

 

Truthfully, sounds to me like there is another person in the equation. Usually, when someone wants to take a step back they are saying this to eliviate the guilt they are facing. This relationship sounds to me to be doomed. I would break up and start a no contact with this person and see if their feelings change. Sorry, but that is how I would react to this situation.

 

I know it hurts, but will hurt more in the future if you just let him walk over you like this.

[neva_black_n_white]

hey neallo82288

wow no youve got it a bit wrong, trust me no man walks over me, and thats one characteristic i stand by. then again you could be right in the sense that things change dont they. this is some what personal but not intirely. i wanted the answer so that everyone could get input from them, but in my situation everything is moving so quickly, with the whole family being involved etc. in this case there is no other woman. and is me who is insecure. you see my boyfriend has very very strong attatchments to me and is insecure, i guess i should have approached this from my experiance and have actually asked:

 

how do you ask your boyfriend to do a step back when everything is moving so quick and he is already insecure about how you feel for him?

 

thankyou though, i agree now looking at the questions one and two are similar.

thankyou though.

 

and what is everyone elses opinions on these questions? maybe i should find my own opinions and reply.

kel

p.s. thankyou so much neallo82288 i should have verified my relation to this, sorry.

[neallo82288]

Sorry, Thought you were the one being told.

 

The best way to tell him is tell him the truth and do not beat around the bush. Guys tend not to take hints and the longer you wait the worse you will feel about telling him. My best friend is in the same situation and her boyfriend does not get the hint.

 

Be truthful and honest and that is all he can expect. I have had instances where the girl was trying to spare my feelings, but all it accomplished was a pain that hurt worse.

 

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to breaking up!

 

 

Does this help better?

[neva_black_n_white]

wait wait wait,

for starters please do not blush i should have said that and im sorry. i am so not breaking up with him i love him. its the fear of the unknown, and how its usually me who brings in the family at some point. i feel so pressured and well trapped.

 

i get what your saying and yes i believe your right in coming up and telling him. do you know pointer three, well thats how it is everything is ok and well i need to make sure he understands everything is going so quick for me.

 

sorry about that happening to you.

and please dont be sorry honestly its my mistake!

h3e is amazing only i dont know how to tell him this one thing, he is so and i mean so insecure. straight up may shock him so much to leave him, i mentioned it but not literal and he assumed id ended it.

 

can you help?

kel

thankyou neallo82288

[neallo82288]

Just tell him that you need to slow down. If he doesn't slow it down you will start to feel overwhelmed and then feeling like you are suffocating. And you will break up. You need to figure out why you feel that things are moving too quickly for your taste. Trust me when I say that you need to control the relationship if you want to continue it. It will not taake you long to feel overwhelmed and suffocated and that will put an end to the relationship.

 

Once, you have an intense relationship and/or a seerious one, it is nearly impossible to take a step back without someone being hurt. Maybe you want to break up and have not realized it yet. You sound to me like you want to break up, but you need to spare his feelings. His clinging to you will drive a wedge between you two that may never be overcome.

 

Just tell him you want to slow down and also tell him if he does not slow down that you may need time to think things out. He has to slow down or this will end your relationship and he should be told this and the sooner the better.

[neva_black_n_white]

thankyou i will take your advice. and believe me i dont want to end it, to date he is the most important thing to me. we got our wires crossed one time and thought wed ended it i was completely devestated. i do love him and i guess i may sound like i want to end it but thats the way i type and vocab.

i really appreciate your input neallo82288 thankyou so much. it does seem lighter and i will talk to him. your right even in a small amoung of time it might be its so bad that i do want to end it.

 

thanks again.

kel

[The Morrigan]

Definitely talk to him, if you've already told him you love him, I'd just tell him that, and that you really want things to go well between you, and at the pace things are moving, it's a little fast to keep your feet under you, and don't want to panic and do something stupid that would ruin the relationship, so let's slow down the pace just a bit to avoid that. He'll probably still need some assurance if he's the insecure type - but at least it's a bit clearer it's not him you're running away from, you just need to adjust to all the feelings coming at you in such a hurry. If that makes sense!

[neva_black_n_white]

thanks the morrigan, that deffinitley helped out with my situation. your right i do need to make sure that he realises im not running away from him but preventing a problem that i could later have. and yes he is deffinitley the insecure type so i wil take the advice you have put and apply it in talking to him.

 

i really do appreciate what you guys have to say, i guess i have to sort this out and ensure that everything is okay between us both.

thankyou.

 

kel

 

p.s. in a summary could anyone tell me how to ensure that he feels secure?