AnneM Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hello, I have been broken up with my ex boyfriend for a while now. And although I don't use facebook, I recently signed up for it knowing that my ex boyfriend has a profile. I am obsessed at checking his profile (and other people too!) and I seem to check it every day now, a few times a day even. I don't want him back as he doesn't fit the bill for what I want in a guy. I left him a while back and I had strung him along for awhile. But now that he is dating someone else which he mentioned to me (we haven't spoken since he told me as I don't want to interfere with his relationship with his new girlfriend) and he stopped texting me, I want to understand why I keep checking up on him and his girlfriend looking for pictures and such. As I said, I don't believe I want him back at all so now it dawned me that I am becoming obsessed on checking up on him and his girlfriend or his friends and what is new with his life without having to call and talk to him or anything. Again, we haven't communicated for over a month or 2 now and we don't have common friends and we live in different cities which is far apart. Does that mean I'm not over him? I do still think of him on occasion on what he could be up to and such but I don't miss him. Is that possible? If at all, I just think he was all wrong for me and I wish I had cut off things sooner. Thanks, I appreciate a response. Link to comment
desi1987 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 If you created a profile with the sole purpose of checking up on your ex, and you are basically cyber stalking his profile..then yea chances are you are not over him. It seems like you are in denial..if you dont miss him why go through all of this trouble? If he was wrong for you be glad that he is out of your life and now with someone else, and dont dwell on the past. It would be a good idea to deactivate your profile, so that way you wont be tempted to keep checking. Link to comment
sti_2004 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 you want to see if hes having a great life without you or if hes completley miserable and nothings working for him without you. yea? Link to comment
AnneM Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Well, I knew he was miserable without me and as f*cked up as it sounds, yeah, I quite enjoyed him being miserable because he was quite pathetic but now I am afraid the tables have turned and I am being pathetic for checking his profile which is so not me! I guess you can say I have a competitive streak as I want to make sure that he is still miserable! I know I should just delete the profile I created but I also have been checking and looking for other people in my life and also other significant others from the past like I want to dwell on it or relive the past somehow. I even looked up old best friends and found them too! So, I've been obsessed about looking up with what is going on in their life too! I think I am just plain obsessed with looking up and reading people on facebook! I started looking up and reading up on random people too. What started out as getting an account to look up on an ex boyfriend has turned out to be me reading other people's profile. I mention the ex for this thread because I check up on his profile almost every day and other people too. I must say it's addictive! What to do?! Don't tell me I have to delete the profile now??!! It so harmless yet so fun and a time-waster! That's what kills me! That the time spent on this crap I won't be able to get back!! As to the previous post, I say I don't miss him because just today I was trying to think of things I miss about him since I keep checking his profile and I can't think of one! I don't think I'm in denial either! What does that mean?? Link to comment
Butterflygrl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Means you want the s.o.b. to suffer. lol. You are just naturally curious I would say. (nosey ..hee hee.) I get that way sometimes. Like what's he doing? Not because you care about him, because you just want to know. Also a sense of control maybe. Like you still want to know whats going on in his life. I think if you really don't care about him, don't want him back, then no harm done. It's not a big deal. Unless your spending too much time on the net- but that's a whole nother ball of wax Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'm somewhat on the same boat. He broke up with me, but before that I broke up with him and he convinced me to take him back. /eyerolll. anyway, i don't really miss him. i don't like him either. but i check his facebook from time to time. i deleted him as a friend so i wouldn't be able to, but he has his profile PUBLIC which KILLS meee. there are girls leaving msgs about how they miss talking to him. it makes me SO mad when i read them. ugh, i don't even know why. I don't like him, at all! Blehhhh. Link to comment
AnneM Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Well the thing is....okay, I don't mean to sound mean or a total B*tch but I was exactly that with him and I said some not so nice things to him a while back like, "I couldn't care less if a truck were to hit you and you were dead tomorrow" kind of thing. This was when he called out of the blue when I thought we stopped talking. At that point, I really meant what I said but I shouldn't have blurted it out like that as that was really heartless. I mean, there are some things you should not say and I clearly forgot to count to 10 before speaking what popped in my head. I mean, this is supposed to be a person I cared about at some point but I really don't. Anyway, I didn't even feel guilty after saying that. But these days, I remember what I had said and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I was thinking about apologizing but then he's gonna think I want him back which I don't. I could care less if other girls hit on him or talked to him or leave msgs for him, they could all have my leftovers LOL. All I can think of are his flaws and I wonder what brought us together in the first place other than the fact that we're both so impulsive!! (He's worse though and I have gotten better) But yeah, I guess I spend a lot of my time on the net then coz since posting this what I should really be doing is studying for a test tomorrow and I am barely halfway done thru my studies....LOL aaaargh!!! Link to comment
ljoy74 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Checking and checking gets obsessive. I just recently (2 weeks ago) was able to break the habit. A guy I thought was a friend of mine had said something very mean about me to my ex's new girlfriend. It made me feel so bad I stopped cold turkey and only log in once ever couple of days to check for new messages or comments. You really can't fully move on if you keep doing this to yourself. One day you might see or read something that hurts. It's really not worth it! Link to comment
ahop Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Facebook is evil.. more so than Myspace. Everything that happens on one of your friends pages gets documented on your updates..everything.. if somebody comments or a picture is posted.. I had that evil urge for about the first month after my ex broke up with me and I saw pictures of a Costa Rica trip she took and all these comments from others on her page that she met on the trip.. Of course I then did a full on search of all the pics and just got so upset that I slept about an hour that entire night thinking to myself, which one of those guys is she cozying up to?? I learned my lesson that night and deleted my profile completely, no looking back. Best decision I ever made.. I never want to feel that way again.. it was my own damn fault though for checking. Link to comment
exploding head Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 dont do it. Just keep strong. NC all the way Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 You still care .....sometimes we want things we can't have Link to comment
AnneM Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Okay, perhaps I do still care but I don't think you stop caring for someone just because you move on from that experience. I am by nature, very curious. I don't think the girl he is with now is good for him in the sense that he's going to get his heart broken again and yes, I do have a heart too and I don't want to see him hurt - honestly. I say that the girl is not good for him because based on what he told me about her, it just sounded like a rebound girlfriend. And I was sorry for being a B* to him. I sincerely want to see him happy. It's funny when I think of it and what I feel bad about is that I would have liked it if we could have just been friends, and only that. It's so crazy how when you cross that line that you can't ever go back to how things were before. I think that is what bugs me the most. I sincerely don't want him as a bf though, and that's the truth! You're right, though, I do still care even if I didn't admit it at first. I figured it out now! Yay! I don't miss him as a boyfriend coz I never wanted him as one. I regretted we couldn't just be friends and I wanted to just be friends after but it was too late! So that's why I was able to move on so quickly and I was just sad and all that he didn't want to be a part of my life. I kept stringing him along coz I wanted him to be there as a friend but in his mind he kept thinking otherwise. We weren't giving each other what we needed from one another. Of course it wasn't going to work, duh! Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 If you feel like you can't trust yourself, or you want to have a layer of protection in place. Download Firefox 3, go to Tools - Add Ons - Get Add Ons, search for BlockSite and download it. Then go into preferences and add the exact address that is your ex's facebook address, not just link removed. This will block that page from being opened in any way. It'll even block your ex's photo cropping up. Very useful tool just to stop those impulsive moments and hopefully help you crack your obsession M&D Link to comment
Tezza Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I know my ex's facebook password just by guessing it, he uses the same password for everythin. I am so tempted to put a stupid pic of him on there as a profile pic or change his update status to *name* likes to hit women (this is true) or something like that... but I won't... I have moved on, if I did anything like that it would show everyone that I am still hurting... I try not to log in to it, but it is hard... Link to comment
paul2501 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I recently received a friend request from my ex girlfriend and when I messaged her to confirm this she said her facebook must have been hacked.Is this possible,why would they try add me?I hadn't spoken to her for 2 weeks upto this,because I am trying to sort my head out.It seems a big coincidence for her facebook to be hacked then try add her ex?Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated-THANKYOU Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Tezza - That takes incredible self-control. I had my ex's password and one month post break up curiosity killed the cat when I saw something I wish I hadn't. I eventually e-mailed her to please changer her password and she (thankfully!) obliged. Link to comment
Aleina2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Facebook is evil.. more so than Myspace. I learned my lesson that night and deleted my profile completely, no looking back. Best decision I ever made.. I never want to feel that way again.. it was my own damn fault though for checking. I agree. I had disabled my profile and I am literally scared of getting back on FB again. I know he is there, I don't want to see his name popping up not even for a second. How can I delete my profile, including its content as I don't want it to be permanently stored on FB? Is it even possible? Link to comment
camus154 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Aleina, You can permanently delete your profile, but FB doesn't make it easy. I don't remember all the steps (you'll have to search through FB help), but basically you request the deletion and then your account is immediately deactivated. THEN there is a 14 day window where if you log into your account AT ANY TIME, it will reactive it. After the 14 days, it's gone for good. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Aleina - Here's a step by step guide. Camus is right, they don't make it easy! link removed Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think the checking is pretty normal. I mean I am still doing it though not as much. And I did remove her but can still see some things. I think it is because that is the only contact we have with them. Its a huge shock going from sharing everything with someone and talking many times a day and then nothing. It will eventually fade away. Link to comment
Joanne19852010 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 My facebook account will be gone for good on the 5th November...i can't believe it takes two weeks to shut it down properly...I could cope with my ex changing his status to single, wiping his wall clean and putting in a new relationship but when i saw his new picture of them together i had to delete it...i think he thinks its o.k now i know about it...i haven't told him i deleted my account and i'm not going to if he notices then he does but i don't think he will...i removed him as a friend and added him to block...isn't odd that even though we love and miss them...I'm the one that deleted him from facebook, my bbm and his phone number, video's and pictures...i bet he still has all his then again looking at it a different way its probably because it doesn't hurt them to look like us. Link to comment
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