notsoanonymous Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 My former boyfriend and I had been together for almost a year and a half. Living together for 6 months in a rented apartment, he mentioned that perhaps we should buy a house. I was scared. I wanted a ring. I wanted love and commitment. I wanted to be cherished. But I gave into his desire and let it ride. So? We looked, we offered, we bought. The boxes were packed, the truck loaded and we moved in. It's 140 days later now and our relationship is over, at his wishes (and at this point, mine as well.) We own this big, beautiful house where he was to carry me over the threshold, where our babies would cry in their cribs, where we were to build together our own family. Last night I lay there alone, realizing that those dreams were now gone, shattered by his recklessness and inability to love himself enough to give me what I deserve - and my inability to love myself enough to stand up for what was right. Two years of my adult life thrown away with nothing to show for it but an adorable dog, a house I no longer want but cannot sell in the market, and a big lesson learned. Do they make a t-shirt for that? I know they make a country song for it Looking back I can see the mistakes, the signals and signs, things I should have said and times I should have said no to his actions and behaviors. Moments were I could have kept my cool or stood my ground. After all this time, I told him for the past few days that we had to give counseling a try. We owed it to each other to make one last stand at things, after the commitments we made financially and the ones we promised emotionally. He agreed and came home the following day to tell me he had thought it over again and was not going - in fact, he not only was not going, he was moving to his family for a few days to clear his head. After arguing for 45 minutes, he left but asked me to send him the info on therapy. When I asked why he said "I am going to be there." "Be there?" "Yes, you may not believe me, but I will be there." I was married in my heart to someone who couldn't give me his time let alone a ring - and he walked away a coward from his fear of failing again in life, love and marriage. Tomorrow night, we are scheduled to go to couples counseling. I am going myself, whether he is there or not. I think to myself "what is the use?" - why try and save what is already lost? I don't think he will show... and I don't know if I even want him to. I need to pick up my broken heart and move on. He left with his new bible in his hand, the one I gave him three weeks ago after the night he walked in the door late, and said: "I want you to know I love you more than anything. I'm sorry we have been fighting. I want to go to church. I think it would really help out with you and me." And now it's over. Link to comment
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