Not sure where to post this?

[tina-rocks]

We were talking about the fact it's over.

 

Anyway I told him something that I perhaps should have kept to myself although it's not the first time it's happened.

 

I was talking to Karl's parents. This on they day I told them their son no longer loved me. His dad was saying I had just woken him up from his afternoon nap. I said don't worry I've seen it all before. He then went on to say he meant naked. I felt a little sick but said Oh well I've seen it before. He than said you have not seen mine. My god he mean't his **** He confirmed. I have dealt with this since without saying a word to anyone.

 

Until tonight.

 

Karl upset me so much I just told him.

 

He called me a liar and said I am making it up.

 

What the hell is going on. He is already leaving me. and he knows his father has tried it on with me before.

 

I would never has told him and would have gone to my grave with this inside me than hurt his feelings. Nothing else to do.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just let it go. It doesn't matter anymore. Stop talking to Karl and let yourself heal.

 

P.S Sure the guy was sick to say that to you!! Im not condoning that. BUt theres not much you can do other than tell Karl.

[FireFighter84]

You've told the truth, there's nothing more you can do

[tina-rocks]

Karl has not left yet. He is filing divorce next year as he no longer loves me. This I found out just over 3 months ago. Just after I knew I was facing a major op.

 

I am going into hospital on the 4th Sept as I have no choice but to have a hysterectomy. He is still sleeping in the same bed as after moving out of it for a brief period he came back into my room and will not leave. This not for love but because he said he is used to it. He still flinches if I so much as go near him. I'm up half the night and never want to go to bed no matter how exhausted I feel.

 

I will loose everything next year. My house and the 2 others I care for most in life. My Girls. Dana and Cookie. These are my cats and they have been with me 10 years.

 

Karl was unable to have children which we found out just after we married. 12 years in November.

 

I loved him so much I stayed. Now he is leaving.

 

Now I'm facing this operation and will never have children now.

 

These are pains I can't even describe. I'm alive but feel like I've already passed on.

 

I won't be able to afford a new home and Dana and cookie need stability.

 

I would never have told him despite the above. But it is true and he was being insulting to my parents. That triggered it off.

 

I know I am ranting on but christ my life is falling apart and it will only get worse.

 

Tonight is so bad I need an oxygen mask to breathe.

[tina-rocks]

Sorry!

 

I should not be talking about all of this as I know other people are having a much harder time here.

 

Please forgive me.

[Alicia85]

Everyones pain is equal - we are all human and you shouldn't feel bad for needing support right now because everyone deserves to be happy in their lives. I can understand where you are coming from and feeling like your life is "over", I feel like that a lot because I am about to have a baby and that will limit my options in my future, so it goes both ways, and I think everyone has days where they are sad about getting older and feel like they have done everything there is to do, heck I've had those feelings like that ever since I was a teenager. The reality that everyone dies at some point but until that day comes, you owe it to yourself to make those days HAPPY until then, and if you are still here then there is a reason for it which maybe you cannot see yet. Think of things you enjoy doing and DO THEM. Also, what about other goals in life you may have other than children? Perhaps pursuing some other dream will help you to deal with this situation and feel like you have a reason for living.

[tina-rocks]

Hi,

 

Karl does already know about his father as it has happened before a few years ago.

 

I was trying to spare him this time but I felt so angry it sort of blurted out. I have already said sorry to him this morning as I feel awful but I'm still so angry today and can't stop crying.

 

It's been 3 months since he told me and I don't seem to be handling it very well.

 

I even thought well if I die on the operating table it will save the pain next year. Dreadful thinking like that I would never do anything like it just feels hopeless.

 

I had a really nice message from someone today which made me feel less alone and for that I am truly grateful.

 

Alicia and Brianna. Thank you for your support just by replying. It really helps

 

Tina

[ghost69]

you need to be more direct and tell him if he is leaving he needs to get his butt in gear. you can't live like this any longer.

[tina-rocks]

I have to go into hospital on the 4th next month and they have said I will be out of action for 3 months.

 

That's why he said he is waiting until after christmas. Also he pointed out neither of us have a place to go.

 

I need somewhere to come back to after the operation and I wanted one more christmas with them before I have to say goodbye.

 

I know I can't live like it but not any choice as really know where to go.

 

I hope this makes some sense

[tina-rocks]

Hi Brianna,

 

Honestly it's true.

 

I don't know what else to do. He said he will take me to the hospital on the 4th. He won't be around on the 2nd Thats pre op day. Also won't be around on the 21st. I get the results of my MRI Brain scan.

 

Thanks so much for replying. I went down so low and your advice and support is really helping me become stable again.

 

I don't want to die while having the operation but am also afraid I won't have the strength to fight.

 

Tina