How should I take this LDR ??

[SadMan]

Hi,

 

We've been together for about 4.5 years.

 

My gf decided to leave the states to her home country to find her career. We will be in LDR for what she claim to be a few years when I am ready to get marry. But the way I see it, if she is successful there, I doubt she will give all that up just to marry me in a couple years.

 

She decided to move back without really consulting with me but mostly because of her situation here in US with below average pay, other part I am guessing is she dont see that we will be getting marry before we are 30( i know this because she asked a few times hinting about marrage). So I guess in her case, why not try to see where her ability is before we desided to settle down.

 

For me this is like a double edge sword.

 

I dont know how this will turn out.

 

Am I being too pessimistic?

 

How many ppl have actually worked out a few years of LDR ?

[greywolf]

Sadman I remember your other posts. And honestly, it still sounds like she's putting herself before the relationship.

LDRs are very very hard. And most of the time the only reason you can keep on going is because you have plans about how you'll be together someday. Having no plans about when you'll be together again will make it even harder.

I really don't know what to say except to tell you, do what's good for you. She's only thinking about herself so you have to think about yourself as well.

[IMAbadman]

LDR's are very hard on both parties. Eventually you'll get lonely and so will she.

 

Either act now to keep this relationship or let it go.

 

I feel for you.

[keepswimming]

Allowing your partner the freedom to grow and develop a career is great, however a 2 year separation is going to be very tough.

 

Can't you go with her?

[SadMan]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks your inputs.

 

Man, I guess I am hitting an emotional wall that I sound like a broken record......

 

Well, I think she is puting herself first because she always thinks that I put myself first before our relationship.

 

She have always hinted on marrage after we were together for a year till recently but I really havent planned to have a family this soon. I mean we were in our early 20s and mid 20s. However, I really dont understand why I've started to think about marrage for the past six months(this is before she broke the news of leaving the states about a month ago).

 

Then she got me thinking about marrage a lot more after she told me she is leaving.

 

I just feel that the timing is all wrong and I can not do any thing to help it.

 

I just wanted to save enough money so I can buy a house and have enough money for wedding before we get married. I dont believe marry first, then worry about the money problems later. But she always disagree with this thought.

 

She did brought up the idea of me going with her but the problem is my family is here, my work is here, going with her will mean that starting a new life with a lot of uncertainties. If things dont work out, I may develope recentment toward this whole relationship.

 

Like greywolf have said, there is nothing I can do but to just think about myself now.

 

 

[keepswimming]

My friend, life is not about money. It is not about houses. It is not about cars, iPods or HDTV's. None of these things will make you happy.

 

I understand you feel that you need to be able to provide for her, and to some extent that is true. But you can do that alongside a great relationship. The question is then about priorities.

 

Personally, I go with the relationship first. That's what will make you happy in the long term. The rest is just small stuff

 

If you love her, make her your priority