ilovesoy Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Hi there! This is my first post and I'm looking for some advice. My boyfriend and I had been living with a long-time friend of his (we'll call him "Dan") for about a year, and last month Dan decided to move out. It was difficult living with him, and many times we questioned whether or not we even really liked Dan anymore. In the end, though, we decided that his moving out would benefit our friendship- he's a great "part-time" friend, just not someone you want to live with or see on an average basis. He has very little direction, and he can be quite selfish sometimes. Enter new roommate "Sarah." The three of us hit it off almost immediately and we knew she would be a great roommate. We also vented a lot about Dave, and how annoying his habits were, not realizing that they might meet and become friends- or worse, date each other. During a recent camping trip with Dave, we invited Sarah along because we thought it would be a way for me, my boyfriend, and her to bond. It turns out that Dave seems to really like Sarah, and even invited her out to lunch a few days ago. This makes my boyfriend and I really nervous, for several reasons. Dave is just getting over a rough break-up, and has been trying desperately to date other women in order to forget his ex. We're afraid that Heather, who is new to the city and also healing from a break-up, will be hurt by him and it will cause awkwardness between all of us. Furthermore, my boyfriend and I vented a lot about Dave and are afraid that it will get back to him if he and Sarah start dating. (When I told Sarah not to take our complaints seriously, she laughed and said "Don't worry! I know how it is with roommates. You can really like someone as a friend but they'll drive you crazy once you live with them. I know you two were just venting.") There's also some resentment too. Like I said, we really wanted Dave to be a "part-time" friend, but if Sarah accepts his advances then we're going to have to see him a lot more than we'd like. Sarah did tell my boyfriend that she and Dave ate lunch together "as friends" which is great, because it shows she's being open and honest. However, I know that Dave finds her attractive and is on the look-out for a replacement girlfriend. So here are my questions: Is it any of our business whether Dave and Sarah hook up? If not, how do we maintain boundaries? Should we ask them about their intentions? If they do end up dating, what should we do? Thanks a lot for your help. I appreciate it! Link to comment
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