Is age a big deal?

[EchoR1]

does an age gap matter between two people?

 

like for people who have a 4 year age gap?

 

it depends right on how old people are?

 

like if one is 25 the other is 21, one is 16 the other is 20, one is 17 the other is 21

 

what i mean by this is, that the first set it doesn't matter too much right?

 

the second set of numbers doesn't matter too much either.

 

the third set causes some problems dealing with like legality issues.

 

so does age really make that huge of a difference or it just depends?

[ghost69]

those ranges can be different. 21/25 is okay to me.

 

17/21 not so much.

[_Asti_]

It just depends. I have almost a 5 year age gap.

At the time we met I was just turning 19 and he was 23. It wasn't bad because we were both just starting our post secondary education. We were at the same spots in our lives.

Now 4 years later we're both ready to start careers and settle down. So the age is completely irrelevant in this case.

 

I think when people are younger and there's age gaps, it becomes a problem because of where they are in their life, their experiences, growth, maturity, etc.

 

As you get older those things level off and you're sort of both in the same playing field.

[CaptainPlanet]

I'm 25 and would love to date a 21 year old but she'd probably think I am 32 and not want to date me anyway.

 

I don't think 4 years is a big difference.

[ButterflyWrists]

when i was 17 i went out with a 22 year old. my mum didnt think it was a problem, it depends on the laws where you are, here 16 and over your legally allowed to have sex etc. UK for what its worth. i dont see the problem in age gaps.

[ghost69]

i think 17 and 22 are 2 completely different worlds. at least in the US.

[Carmine]

i think 17 and 22 are 2 completely different worlds. at least in the US.

 

Plus it's technically illegal. Even if the girl likes the guy, one wrong move or one bad thing he says on his part and she can get him thrown in jail at her own will. A bit unfair, but it's better not to tread in that territory.

 

A while ago I was visiting my brother and his friend, both are 34 years old. His friend has his 19 year old model girlfriend who was incredibly immature. His friend was also kind of a knucklehead. It made me think that the only women he could get were stupid and naive 19 year olds.

[ghost69]

Plus it's technically illegal. Even if the girl likes the guy, one wrong move or one bad thing he says on his part and she can get him thrown in jail at her own will. A bit unfair, but it's better not to tread in that territory.

 

17 is actually legal here. 16+ with parents consent i think. something like that. i just think those mentalities are completely different.

[Carmine]

17 is actually legal here. 16+ with parents consent i think. something like that. i just think those mentalities are completely different.

 

The laws here say 16 is the age of consent but only with someone who's a maximum of 4 years older. So the oldest guy a 16 year old can have sex with is a 20 year old if his birthday is after her's or on the same day. It goes like that until the girl turns 18, then she's fair game for anyone.

[ghost69]

The laws here say 16 is the age of consent but only with someone who's a maximum of 4 years older. So the oldest guy a 16 year old can have sex with is a 20 year old if his birthday is after her's or on the same day. It goes like that until the girl turns 18, then she's fair game for anyone.

 

still not good.

[Carmine]

still not good.

 

yup...hence why I mentioned that example with my brother's friend. It didn't seem weird to them but it was mad awkward to me, especially since this girl was a total ditz.

[shes2smart]

My husband is 11 years younger than me. We've been married for 6 years, known each other for almost 7 years.

 

Before I met him, I was in a relationship with a guy who was 18 years older than me. I was with him for about 2 years, lived with him for about half that time and broke up because we aparently had different definitions of "monogamy."

 

So my remarks about age gap relationships are coming from someone who has been in 2 of them, both as the older and the younger partner.

 

As long as you are both of legal age and considered adults in your locality, an age difference matters about as much as you let it matter.

 

Sure there can be some challenges...first one that leaps to mind is having children with a significantly older/younger SO. But even if you were the same age and one wants kids and the other doesn't it's a problem too.

 

Point being couples in age gap relationships are going to be facing many of the same challenges that people who are in age-similar relationships face. The details may be slightly different, but the basic issues are the same. Just depends on how you decide to look at it.

 

Consider this, though -- if you choose to take the view that the age gap is the problem, whatever you're facing becomes unsolvable. We can't make ourselves or our partners grow older/younger to reach a similar age. However, if you choose to take the view that you're dealing with issues that would come up even if you were with someone of a similar age and the details are just different, then things magically start to have solutions and compromises.

[ghost69]

yeah, but you are also 44. that is different than 17 and 21. huge difference if you ask me.

[livinginsbi]

I think it has more to do with life experiences and maybe more importantly, what you expect from the relationship. I have a 24 year old interested in me...if it's just a sexual interest, then why not, but I can't see myself getting in a serious relationship with someone who is still a little wet behind the ears, so to speak

[RLW]

This problem can be solved very easily using a simple inequality.

 

If x=age of oldest, and y=age of youngest, then,

 

.5 x + 7 ≤ y

[shes2smart]

yeah, but you are also 44. that is different than 17 and 21. huge difference if you ask me.

 

Depends on the specific 17 and 21 year old.

 

Relationships in that late-teen to mid-20's age range tend toward a rather high degree of instability even if the people involved are the exact same age. IMO, mostly because it's all still new and most people haven't quite figured out who they are...let alone what they want/need in a partner. If they haven't had a healthy/happy relationship modeled for them somewhere in their lives, they also have the task of figuring out what makes for a happy/healthy relationship, too. Not an easy job by any stretch of the imagination.

 

So, for our theoretical 17 and 21 year old, the odds are somewhat against them. Not because of the age gap between them so much as their age, period.

 

I was 37 when I met my husband and he was 26. Had I assumed based on his age he was like the 26 year old males I worked with, I wouldn't have bothered with him at all. And the case could be made that we were in different stages in life, too. For two other people that might've very well been the case. For us, it wasn't.

[tina-rocks]

If the 17 year old has an older mentality. More mature then the average of that age. I believe perhaps that could work.

[ghost69]

oh i know s2s and tina. not everyone is the same. just the odds.

[civilservant]

Reading this, I'm really surprised the US laws are so antiquated. I can't imagine the law is respected there (in relation to age of consent) anymore than it is here in the UK

[ButterflyWrists]

it was only for a short while, the age i stated has gone down a year??? someone on here got confussed. he was finishing college, i was starting my second year september. so it was like being with someone 1/2 years older than me. i am pretty mature as it is, and can hold mature interesting conversations about many things, which most teenagers at that age cannot.

[AnneM]

Okay, I have to say, that regardless of specific age that if they are old enough to be your parent, father or mother, then that is just icky and wrong. So basically, you can have a child at around the age of puberty, say as young as 10-11 would be pushing it. It's a different generation and what could you possibly have in common if one should have grown up in the 90s and the other in the 80s for example. 17 & 21, okay, that is kind of gross coz you can't both go to the bar together and come on, you can't pick someone in the same life spot coz one would be in high school and the other almost done university? It just doesn't mix and I don't care how mature or immature the people involved are.

[civilservant]

Something tells me Anne that you yourself are quite young, and perhaps have yet to have had a serious relationship. At the end of the day you cant choose who you fall for, period.