Therapy session TBD, loss of love

[Odysseus]

I'm anxious about the next therapy session between me and my wife. After two years of both couples and individual therapy, I have to tell her that I just....dont'...love her anymore. Not the way two married people should love each other.

 

I just can't get it back after all the abuse. I've forgiven her (she's BPD, and mostly blames the abuse on her condition), but...I can't put my finger on it. I just don't love her. We have two kids...

 

Two years ago, we went through the same thing, and I left for a couple weeks, only to come back to really try and work things out, but it just isn't friggin' working. This really sucks.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Do you think your love for the 'other woman' has something to do with this? If you really put that to rest mentally, could you get your love (or at least respect) for your wife back again?

[Odysseus]

Do you think your love for the 'other woman' has something to do with this? If you really put that to rest mentally, could you get your love (or at least respect) for your wife back again?

 

You know what...it doesn't. She's gone, and I have separated that relationship from the longterm issues with my wife. Truly.

 

And don't get me wrong, this was a difficult thing to do. It's been very hard to figure out, basically what love is for me and my relationship. Whatever it is, it isn't just based in a set of rules for commitment, respect. That's certainly part of it. There's an emotional component which exists (I firmly believe) that I just don't have with my wife, and we need to talk about it.

 

One of the things we've worked on together during the last 2 years is honesty. I've been 100% honest and open with her about EVERYTHING. Including the affair. I have to tell her my feelings on this and give her a chance to hear where I am emotionally.

 

I've made absolutely no decisions.