Need advice on dating!

[mca1975]

Hello all!

 

I have been dating this guy for only just over a week. This is not just any guy, it's a guy I have known for a long time, we have lots of mutual friends and we get on so well. He is just lovely, respectful and caring and has always cared about me, which he has now admitted to.

 

He has recently just split with his ex, and is in process of moving out of their home very soon. I know his ex, she is a lovely girl and he and I have spoken about it honestly and he says he wants to move out asap so he can move on.

 

I trust him 100%, he is not the sort of guy who would ever lie as I have known him for so long and he has always been a nice honest person. All of my friends love him, and all of our mutual friends are very excited about this.

 

We have both liked each other for years, but I never said anything. He did not either as he was attached, but I could tell. Now it transpires we have gotten together, and he planted a very romantic kiss on me on a recent night out with friends and told me that he wanted to treat me the way I should be treated. I have been "out" with a couple of friends in our group who have treated me very badly in the past, but as I said to him, I let them do that to me.

 

I have just finished seeing someone myself. Was seeing a guy who would not commit for over 7 months and it transpired that he had a girlfriend the whole time, which I only recently found out about, so I cut him off and now I dont feel a thing for him. I have been really hurt in the past, and this new guy knows that too.

 

We have not even been intimate yet, which he has respected with such politeness. He makes me feel good, cared for and special, which is just what I want. I feel over the moon. I know he feels the same, I can feel it. He is so reliable and always calls when he says he will.

 

Only thing is, he has not asked me out on a proper date yet, just he and I. He is quite shy and I am also of the situation, but when we are together, I feel so comfortable with him and just act myself, which I dont always do with men, as he has assured me that he likes me for me and for nothing else. (ie. sex).

 

He tends to call and chat for ages and ask if I'm going here and there, with our mutual friends, its like he is too shy or polite to ask me if I want to meet him alone. We have been alone at my house a few times and watched a film etc. but obv. no sex yet and he is 100% respectful! He even came over and met my cousin who was visiting me the other night.

 

I guess what im saying is I want to be asked out, but im not sure if he wants to, or if he is just shy to ask.....

 

any ideas, or should I suggest it. I have a pretty busy social life with my friends, whom he knows too very well, and sometimes I think he doesnt want to impose....

[mca1975]

sorry for the long post but bit of background there as you can see....! x

[Batya33]

My guess is he's not asking you out because he is still living with his ex girlfriend. You see it as a technicality, he might still feel an emotional attachment as we all can when we are in a place and surrounded by things that remind us of coupledom. In short, he's not asking you out because he's not emotionally available to date.

 

I don't think he's shy in the least about asking you out- he wasn't shy about kissing you and obviously he was recently in a relationship so he's able to ask at least one woman out and be in a relationship. I've never in my collective experience heard about a guy who would refrain from asking a woman out and risk losing her to another guy because she has a busy social life and doesn't want to "impose" - if he wanted to ask you out, he would simply ask you when you were free and expect that if you were busy and wanted to see him you'd fine the time. You can't be that busy if you had a whole evening just to watch a movie.

 

I would keep my distance - and stop the kissing, etc, until he's been completely out of their apartment and on his own for at least a few months and certainly I wouldn't give him the privilege of my company or intimacy if he won't put in the effort to plan a date for you two.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think you should keep it just friends until after he's moved out, especially out of respect for his ex-girlfriend.

 

And I agree with Batya, that if he really likes you, he'll not only ask you out but make sure you don't get away.

 

And do be cautious because a live in relationship is quite serious, and if he just instantly leaps from her to you, there's a chance that he's not really 'done' with her, and if he feels regret, he could jump back to her again.

 

So take it slow and cautiously until you are sure he is really over the ex and fully committed to you.

[Batya33]

I wanted to add that I think he gets no credit for not pushing for sex after a week. That should simply be a given in my opinion. Having said that I think in three to six months you may have a real gem/keeper and the waiting will be worth it.

[riley123]

 

This is not just any guy, it's a guy I have known for a long time...and has always cared about me, which he has now admitted to.

 

We have both liked each other for years, but I never said anything. He did not either as he was attached, but I could tell.

 

I feel over the moon. I know he feels the same, I can feel it. He is so reliable and always calls when he says he will.

 

 

Personally, I think you're making way too many assumptions here about his feelings, especially considering that both of you are coming out of relationships.

 

I agree with Batya33 and BSBH, that you should get involved (certainly not sexually) with this guy until he is out and on his own. I fear that the lines of friendship could be crossed – and you could become his rebound.

[Godwin]

Hey, great to see that you are moving on at last. Great news!

 

I would say take this VERY slowly, given the short timescales the word 'rebound' springs to mind.

 

Just take care and don't get too attached.

 

Good luck!