soulmeetsbody Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Hello everyone, I am so confused and would love some opinions...My problem is I don't know if me and my boyfriend made a mistake in breaking up (mutually). We love each other sooo much and lately my depression anxiety etc took its toll on the relationship and he couldnt cope with it. Most of the time it was great but I felt guilty, like a burden, and felt that maybe I needed to be single to recover, since I'm not very independent with him. It's been a month and it's hard for both of us.... Now we miss each other so much and by accident we bumped into each other a month after the breakup and from there had 2 amazing days together even if it still was over. It kind of messed with our heads because it was sooo perfect and exactly like it used to be, even in front of his mates etc. We're in NC now, as I asked. This time I think he'll respect i because he broke NC 5 times in the last month and that didn't make me happy. I still love him and we both still feel we're perfect for each other. It hurts too bad. I just want to call him and say it's not worth the heartbreak and we'll try harder to get me back on my feet this time... I am hurting so badly and I won't get over it as long as I remember that we both love each other and are perfect for each other. What do you think? Thank you. Link to comment
Kahdeksan Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Be thankful that the two of you still love each other... but why can't you stay in the relationship whilst you work on your depression and anxiety? Have you folks given that a try or considered giving it a real good go, making concrete plans to make this wonderful relationship work for the better... sometimes it just takes two to make something truly wonderful churn like clockworks~! I'm so down I wished my ex still loved me as I do her... Link to comment
journogirl Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 hey soulmeetsbody i feel your pain-i started therapy for some big issues whilst with my ex-it was a strain on him but he said we were a team and he would support me in the end it clearly became too much for him and i was a burden your guy sounds different though-like he wants to be there for you whatever happens cant you give it another shot? xx Link to comment
soul_soother Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Hey after finally reading the second part I guess I'll shed a little more light on my opinion even though it doesn't seem to help.. It seems you really want to make that step forward, but only by yourself. So be it, make yourself better. However I really think you should have contact with him, you guys are completely compatible and I think you will be making a horrible loss if you NC him for too long. NC usually is for people who have conflicts together or they want to try to get over that person, seeing how these are neither of your issues I don't think you should really ignore him. Work on yourself and rebuild yourself mentally and physically. Know that everything is usually okay in moderation, it's okay to be paranoid/panicy but only to a certain extent. I know that I used to be a complete jealous man with all my relationships and realized how I was so jealous that it ruined all of them. Now I kind of learned my lesson and taught myself that this was ruining my relationships and now that I'm in another one, with no jealousy, it's like the thing flies itself. You know if you end up NC this guy and he moves on and you don't fix yourself, your just going to keep moving on to guy to guy doing the exact same thing... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Be thankful that the two of you still love each other... but why can't you stay in the relationship whilst you work on your depression and anxiety? Have you folks given that a try or considered giving it a real good go, making concrete plans to make this wonderful relationship work for the better... sometimes it just takes two to make something truly wonderful churn like clockworks~! I'm so down I wished my ex still loved me as I do her... I'm sorry about what you're going through. Yeah I could consider myself lucky in a way but it is also weird because it messes with our heads and it makes us believe all of this is complete nonsense. He always said I have to make efforts but we never really decided on anything concrete. He never pushed me to get this independence - Im not blaming him it should have been my initiative. I am definitely learning at the moment - it will take months to get used to the efforts but i wish i could do them with him.The breakup was a real wake up call to get better. hey soulmeetsbody i feel your pain-i started therapy for some big issues whilst with my ex-it was a strain on him but he said we were a team and he would support me in the end it clearly became too much for him and i was a burden your guy sounds different though-like he wants to be there for you whatever happens cant you give it another shot? xx are you getting better? it is frustrating feeling like a burden, and the guilt from not being stable enough to keep the one you love isnt it? my bf was the same, he would support me a lot but in the end he thought his efforts and energy weren't making much of a difference. But he was helping though!! I just expected things to happen on their own, stupidly. I thought it would just go away...i dont even know how i can give it another shot, dont know where to start... Hey after finally reading the second part I guess I'll shed a little more light on my opinion even though it doesn't seem to help.. It seems you really want to make that step forward, but only by yourself. So be it, make yourself better. However I really think you should have contact with him, you guys are completely compatible and I think you will be making a horrible loss if you NC him for too long. NC usually is for people who have conflicts together or they want to try to get over that person, seeing how these are neither of your issues I don't think you should really ignore him. Work on yourself and rebuild yourself mentally and physically. Know that everything is usually okay in moderation, it's okay to be paranoid/panicy but only to a certain extent. I know that I used to be a complete jealous man with all my relationships and realized how I was so jealous that it ruined all of them. Now I kind of learned my lesson and taught myself that this was ruining my relationships and now that I'm in another one, with no jealousy, it's like the thing flies itself. You know if you end up NC this guy and he moves on and you don't fix yourself, your just going to keep moving on to guy to guy doing the exact same thing... I guess that's exactly what Im fighting with at the moment. Doing NC seems strange, because w're still a team, we both want me to get better and for him to sort his life out and we dont actually want to forget each other. Blocking each other out seems strange because it's been an amicable breakup, agreeing on everything and we both hope we'll be back together in the future. Something feels wrong with NC. He wanted to keep in touch to know how if Im recovering well, I guess if we want to ever get back together, he'll have to evaluate, as a friend, if I am doing better and then he can decide to be back with me. I want to let him know, he's been with me for a year, offering so much support and the fact we're not bf/gf anymore doesnt mean we have to stop all support and communication. Im going away tomorrow for a week, I gues after that, (it'll be 2 weeks of NC) Ill try to contact him? He said I can contact him whenever I want and he'll just leave it in my hands because he doesnt want to annoy me by contacting me anymore. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Sounds like you may have a second chance ......I lost mine and miss her everyday. You may be one of the lucky ones ..... Go fight for your man ...... It may just be worth it in the end Happy Endings are a good thing Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Sounds like you may have a second chance ......I lost mine and miss her everyday. You may be one of the lucky ones ..... Go fight for your man ...... It may just be worth it in the end Happy Endings are a good thing I think I will email him when Im back from holidays, being friendly. Because we have to have a friendly' period before even considering getting back together? So that he can check my progress and we can support each other in these hard times. Or maybe I shoud do NC for the next few months? Or then it could be too late. I have no idea what to do... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 I get so depressed then I get better. And i realize I always calm down because I start being convinced we'll definitely get back together. Like it's obvious. When its not at all. Maybe it's ok to hope, at last for now, if it helps.. Link to comment
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