I feel it may be over for us

[BlueEyedBoy]

The relationship with my girlfriend of over 4.5 years had a rocky beginning at best, take a look at my posts from late 2004 if you wish.

 

Unfortunately she was unfaithful to me, however 4 years on we're still happily together - or so i thought. As You read this please don't think that i'm dwelling on the past, I can honestly say that it's not something i think about anymore and that ive been able to trust her completely. The only reason I mention it is that recent events made me realize that perhaps there is still a trust issue and i guess thats what this post is all about.

 

As far as i was aware things between her and i have been fine for a long time, i feel warm and at ease when i'm around her, I enjoy her company. I love her and She's my best friend too. But, and it is a big but, it would be fair to say that we appear to have fallen into a routine, every day very much the same and not much in the way of passion or romance. I feel that I'm very much to blame for this, i slipped into "the comfort zone" and i fear that she may feel as though she become more of a friend than a lover.

 

Moving on to the point,

 

Recently, a little over a week, this routine has been blown apart. many things have changed, some big, some small. Shes not at home at the times she normally is, sometimes i call her several times before she answers. Probably things that i shouldn't need to be concerned about but its so out of character for her.

 

There is one thing that i'm currently worried sick to the stomach about. Last Sunday afternoon, a time when she would normally be home, she was'nt. I called her, she told me she was walking to go and see a friend, i offered to take her in the car, she declined which is odd because she never turns down a lift. Furthermore, she didn't sound like she was walking anywhere. I may be wrong but i thought it would be fairly easy to tell if someone was inside say a vehicle or a dwelling, or outside walking even in mild weather, it did not sound like this was the case. I quizzed her as to where she was and she simply replied "no". not even an answer that makes sense to the question "where are you?" She eventually relluctantly accepted my offer of a lift but rather than telling me where she was, she came to meet me. she approached 5 mins later from a direction no where near a route between home and her friends. I quizzed her about this also, ahe said that she was going via her uncles. Fair enough but why not mention it on the phone?

 

Just this evening, Ive opened the lid on the whole thing. I asked her if she felt everything was ok between us and initially she said yes but with an uncertain tone in her voice. Concerned i talked to her a some more and eventually she revealed that she feels that our relationship has gone stale. I asked her if she thought it was beyond repair and she said she wasn't sure.

 

I would honestly do anything i could to first of all begin to understand what state this relationship is in and hopefully put back together the broken pieces.

 

I love her to the end of the earth and I dont want to loose her, but i'm scared, Scared because i obviously do still have trust issues which may end up driving her away and scared that i may do everything i can but end up getting hurt again.

[redhearts]

Suspicious behavior most definitely, maybe a date, didn't go right so she had you pick her up around the corner.

[ludz]

i think you should try to revive the relationship. Perhaps start dating, do something crazy or new or something fun. It is really easy to get comfortable in a relationship.

 

oh and try and do it as a surprise, for an example tell your girl friend we are invited to your parents for dinner (the secret is to make it sound really important, ie a birthday or anniversary) and instead take her sky diving or rock climbing, take dance classes.

 

sure all the cool date ideas are expensive but by the sounds of it you think it might be worth the invest.

 

i know it sucks, women want equality in the relationship, but i find you need to make it exciting to keep their interest!

[BlueEyedBoy]

Did I do the right thing?

 

It turns out that i was right to be suspicious, as she has been seeing someone for the past 2 weeks, that someone was actually a friend of mine.

 

Ive tried over the weekend since finally finding out about it on friday night when i saw them in town, to sort things out with her. but shes not been sure what she wants to do.

 

Its been so painful, ive been trying to convince her to look beyond what i'm convinced is nothing more than an infatuation and think about the long term.

 

She said to me on friday night, she never planned for it to happen as it did, and she was so sorry that it happened with one of my friends. She said if it had been anyone else things would have been so much easier.

 

The fact that it was one of my friends for me highlights the fact that it was a quick fix she was looking for, some affection and it didn't matter where it came from as this was quicker than attempting to repair our relationship.

 

Anyway I just finished with her. I told her it was too painful for me to wait around while she made up her mind. i told her i needed to accept the fact that we may not be able to fix things and i needed to think about moving on.

 

I made it very clear to her that i love her to the end of the earth, and in the near future while i'm beggining to think about making plans she was welcome to contact me and choose me.

 

I also told her if she didnt feel that she could do that, then not to call at all and that i would contact her when i was ready to be friends.

 

I FEEL TERRIBLE

 

all i want is for her to call me, and i want to do is call her and take everything back

 

I dont know what to do.

 

pls pls help me

[PixelPusher]

So she has a history of cheating on you, starts acting suspiciously, lying, and ends up going out with one of your friends. She said she didn't "mean for it to happen"?? Sorry, that's BS. She knows full well what she is doing and instead of talking to you like an adult about your growing emotional distance, she just does what she always has... turned to another guy.

 

I think you did the right thing. You may love her to the ends of the earth but she's not reciprocating, nor does she respect you enough to actually work on your relationship.

 

I'm someone who is happy to give 2nd chances, but once that chance is blown, I walk away, and I think you've done that. It hurts like crazy, but I think for your own sanity you need to go no contact and just start living your life without her. She doesn't know what the heck she wants, and most likely (unless she has a HUGE emotional breakthrough) she will continue this pattern.

[drewciouS281]

the fact she cheated on you she has lost respect for you. i would have said peace out when that happened. once a cheater always a cheater. I would just let it go man. i know its hard but better now than later down the road for something worse to happen.