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A note for myself, and for others.

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I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's been my mantra since coming onto this site, and I know I'm sounding like a broken record. But - once again- after my third relapse in two months, I have to reiterate : don't go on your ex's myspace/facebook/bebo.




Even if you see nothing about you, or nothing negative, it won't help, to put it mildly. If you're like me, even seeing the exact dates he's going on holidays with his friends will cause your legs to shake, heart to race and overall body to tremble.


You'll always try to create excuses to look at it, or things you have to ''check''. It's easier said than done, but resist the temptation. No matter what it takes. If you have to walk away from the computer, or out in the rain from an internet cafe, so be it. Looking at their page isn't worth it.


It won't make you feel good, trust me.


This is your lifesaver : link removed

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Very true.. I learned my lesson 2 months ago when I saw pictures of my ex on her month long trip to Costa Rica and the comments made on her facebook page from people that went on the trip, people she met, etc. I can even describe the feeling of despair when I saw that.. I immediately deleted my profile after that so I won't even be tempted to look her up.


Morbid curiosity's a b*tch isn't it?

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Myspace made my break up HELL in the past so I've learned very well not to be on it too much or to EVER go look at my ex's pages... or my boyfriend's exes, etc. It just eats you alive and most people look a ton happier/better off/more attractive than they are in real life because it is such a popularity contest.


No one is real on those sites.

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yes you are 100% correct.. Stay clear of those pages!


Every time you think you're feeling better you find your way onto there and its not a good thing.


A VERY good point!


I'm doing very well on my healing process overall, but just after reading that I've noticed that every time I've gone onto his page, it's been when I've been in a good, relaxed mood. Ie: I've been kidding myself that looking at it won't do me any harm. How wrong I've been!

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You know what eats your mind more then just the pictures and the status changes? The friends or suitors. I mean when a girl's a girl, a million guys make themselves available. They'll post comments and chat on the profiles.


On my old dating site, I swear there is this one guy who absolutely seems to HOUND after any girl I used to date. He doesn't notice her before, but once she and I have come and gone, he shows up almost like magic.


On the bright side, I think by removing her as a friend on Facebook, I may have slightly defused a potential relationship between her and some friend of hers. In her own words, "I think attraction is a part of being friends with anyone," not exactly comforting words to tell me. But since I removed myself from the equation, she doesn't have a back-up guy incase things don't work out for her. Hence, her confidence in starting something new kind of dwindles.


Never, ever, let yourself be the back up guy or plan B or whatever. Don't even let yourself by 'friends' on MySpace or Facebook or the like. They'll take that as a sign that, "Oh, I can get (you) back whenever I want, so if things don't work out with this guy at least I won't be alone." Fat chance, lady.

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I know my exes password for her email and her new man's Bebo page address.


It has taken me an enormous amount of strength not to look at them both in the last few weeks.


Now the urge has passed I couldn't really care.


The advice given is invaluable and should be part of an NC regime.

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I blocked my ex on both Myspace and Facebook, even told him why and that someday we might be able to be friends again but right now it just couldn't happen. Of course, that's when I started running into him at places. Of course!


Worst part? I can access his current girl's Facebook page easily--we're not friends, but we're in the same network. Her page has been my undoing and it's like cocaine or something going to her page. I want to stop, I know I need to stop, but I can't! His page wasn't even that damaging to me, so it's almost like blocking him was pointless since I can see hers.


I've blocked her twice. The first time around it didn't work; I'm hoping this time I can resist temptation. All else fails, I'm closing my account for however long it takes to get over this. I'm actually about to make a follow-up thread concerning my ex. Stay tuned.

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I block her from facebook and flickr, deleted her from linkedin, and unfortunately, couldn't figure out how to get her off yelp.


I did erase all of her IM contacts as well.


It feels pretty good not to see her, but wow, I can't stop thinking about her sometimes.

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I didn't delete my facebook account - just deactivated it so that I don't get tempted into checking his page out and misreading every little comment a girl makes or he makes. I did this 2 days after we broke up when he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore - I did it first out of anger and secondly because I thought it wouldn't hurt as much if I did it first. So every day since then I checked and his status was still in a relationship. It comforted me to see this but I knew it was coming, he just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

When he removed being in a relationship with me, it killed me. He wrote a message to his friend asking him for his number since he lost his mobile and said at the bottom "Tough times"! HA!! You don't know the meaning of tough times!


As I've said before - what I don't see won't hurt me and even though I wanted my friend to spy on his page for me the other day, I'm glad she didn't. I told her if it looked like he was enjoying the single life or flirting with girls, it would give me incentive to get even more pissed and to finally know it's over and move on. But she didn't do it because she didn't want me to hurt anymore.

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Great friend! I honestly - personally -don't think knowing they're having a great time without you helps you to move on, it just brings up more hurt and, in my case, low self-esteem. You're totally right on the quote I don't see won't hurt me''. Ignorance is bliss in these situations.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ok so I erased my myspace page about 2 weeks ago because it was driving me crazy..looking at her page and everytime I would log in I wold have this dread in my stomache..like okay..what is her status going to be about this time. She would always have something about her and her rebound..lol


I felt so much better...but then 3 days later....idk I got curious and I searched her name and go to her page(its private) and I can still see her statuses. I told myself that I was only doing this "so much" because of the hurricane and that I was checking up on her making sure she was okay.


.....I have to stop..I decided today that I would...Im going crazy and pretty much erased my page for nothing..lol

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If I ever get into another serious relationship I am going to try to make it a policy to not have those pages, either of us. They can lead to so many problems, even if there is just miscommunication and nothing is really wrong. They should have a warning label for sensitive people like me.


I've been thinking that too. IN my next relationship, I'm going to leave social networking sites pretty much out of the equation entirely. Even if it's long-distance, there are other, much better, more personal, less dramatic, ways to communicate!


Well done to everyone who has stopped looking at their ex's sites!



But remember - you don't have to delete your page! Just get an add-on for your browser that will prevent you from acessing your ex's. (link removed)

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hmmm, I'm gonna go against the crowd on this one. I visited the x's myspace recently (through the advice of a friend) and had a good laugh! She used to have a "tramp stamp" on her lower back. She got a lot added to it and posted a picture of it. It just looks BAD! Like it takes up literally half of her back. Her "tramp stamp" turned into a "tramp stomp" haha! It makes her look like she's advertising her trampiness and makes me happier I'm not with her. Anyone else have a similiar story about NOT regretting that you went to your x's social network site?

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  • 4 months later...
Myspace made my break up HELL in the past so I've learned very well not to be on it too much or to EVER go look at my ex's pages... or my boyfriend's exes, etc. It just eats you alive and most people look a ton happier/better off/more attractive than they are in real life because it is such a popularity contest.


No one is real on those sites.



that is such fantastic observation, i never ever had the urge to sign up on those sites, i find ena is more productive than any tagging, poking etc etc


well said!!!!!!!

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  • 3 months later...

Yep, removed my ex and all of her friends from my contacts on FB. My friends connected to my ex removed her as well. A bit drastic, perhaps, but in my case, I had to do it for self-preservation. After explaining the situation and how my ex wronged me to my own couple of friends connected to her on FB, they removed her with pleasure. Worst thing I ever did was let her add me, post-break up. This is what happens when you're still in contact after a break up and hoping for a reconciliation that will never come.

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